We really do change, don't we?

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I had an appointment with a temp agency on Friday. I'd gotten through testing and was waiting for my interview. This rugged male that was sitting two seats away from me turned to me and said "have you done this before?" I told him yes, I'd been to several agencies in months. He said he was having a difficult time finding work and he had no options. I told him that Ontario Works (welfare) had worked for me until I can find something. I told him that if everything checks out, you can have the money in your account in two days; like I did. I looked it up, gave him the address and number, and told him exactly how to get there. I also gave him my former employer's number and told him to give him a call to see if he could find work there.

My observation is, we really do grow up a second time, don't we? I can almost nearly guarantee that "he" wouldn't have done what Kayla did. Maybe this is just me maturing? Or maybe I truly have created a new identity?

God Bless

Kayla <3

[Carolyn Marie]

Kayla, that was great what you did, and very nice. Yes, I do think that our personalities change to some degree, although how much will vary from person to person. I also think that, do the degree that aspects of our personalities do stay the same, we manifest them in ways we hadn't before.

For example, someone who has always been kind will surely still be so after transition, but may show that kindness in more visible ways, because that person might have held back as a male. However, I have also seen for myself that someone who was dominant as a male, with a Type A personality, may still have that personality as a female. How people will perceive her in her "new" gender" may be different, and those around her may be taken aback.

It is a complex and to me very interesting phenomenon, with endless variations. Enjoy the experience and be sure to take notes.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

I was never quite in that situation Kayla, but I do see a more resilient side to Vicky than I ever had as "R". I do have more empathy and also can give myself permission to show open concern, and just listen to them as opposed to trying to "Fix" things for them.

[Guest Jamie61]

Hi Kayla, I agree. I am amazed at how differently I interact with people now. I am so much more open, so less competitive. I feel that I I still have ambition but it's more collaborative. People seem to really open up to me now ( the ones who are weirded out . Growing up a 2nd time, I like that!

Jamie

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I'm still on the fence about this. I feel there are certain core aspects of you (speaking in general) that don't change with transition, and there are other things about you that maybe you look at and think "you know, I really have been wanting to change this about me, so why not now?"

One could also argue: are you changing because of the transition you're going through or because you think you should be changing because of the transition you're going through?

Transition is a fantastic opportunity to just step back and take stock of who you are as a person, your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies and interests and really sit down and think: do I still want to do (x) when I change genders? or: do I still want to be (y) in my new role?

It's almost like you can take yourself and make yourself better.

Now granted, some things about you aren't going to change. Like stated previously, if you were bossy as a guy, most likely you're going to still be bossy as a woman. However, the social reaction is going to change: Bossy guys are looked at differently than bossy women so there's always that to take into consideration. If that's how you are, that's how you are, but at least know and anticipate how that's going to be taken so you can be ready for it. It's really eye-opening to go from being a direct and take charge manager as a male and then applying the very same tactics as a woman and overhearing someone say "geez, what a bossy b-word"

I just realized I don't swear as much as I used to.

Could it be the lower testosterone causing me to be less macho and angry, or is it because swearing is unbecoming of a lady?

The first possibility is more medically-related to transition, the second possibility is more socially-related to transition.

Did this change happen because of the pills I take, or because I think I need to make that change because a lady doesn't curse?

I dunno. Could be either, could be both!

[Guest]

sometimes I think transition is also a moment in one's life where she decide to change. Before I was a fake ermit who was always in his guards, always on the defensive. Now I don't want to isolate myself no more, I want to be happy and open to others. I also have post traumatic stress and I'm trying to live with it instead of being a slave to it. To me transition is to be myself in every way.

So im my case, yes, i'm developing a second identity, the real one. The first one was so fake, so forced it had to change.

[Charlize]

Kyla it is lovely that a man would listen to your advice but also that you feel comfortable giving it. Sounds like your mothering instinct is kicking in. Transition does change us and also changes how others relate to us. That can be very positive at times while at others we can find our selves being described as (from Lizzy) "geez, what a bossy b-word". I'm certainly enjoying the change and growth that transition has allowed. I'll always be a bit of a mix. 63 years of him just doesn't disappear. What i'm getting is what seems a better person with an interesting mixture.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Sakura]

I'm still on the fence about this. I feel there are certain core aspects of you (speaking in general) that don't change with transition, and there are other things about you that maybe you look at and think "you know, I really have been wanting to change this about me, so why not now?"

One could also argue: are you changing because of the transition you're going through or because you think you should be changing because of the transition you're going through?

Transition is a fantastic opportunity to just step back and take stock of who you are as a person, your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies and interests and really sit down and think: do I still want to do (x) when I change genders? or: do I still want to be (y) in my new role?

It's almost like you can take yourself and make yourself better.

Now granted, some things about you aren't going to change. Like stated previously, if you were bossy as a guy, most likely you're going to still be bossy as a woman. However, the social reaction is going to change: Bossy guys are looked at differently than bossy women so there's always that to take into consideration. If that's how you are, that's how you are, but at least know and anticipate how that's going to be taken so you can be ready for it. It's really eye-opening to go from being a direct and take charge manager as a male and then applying the very same tactics as a woman and overhearing someone say "geez, what a bossy b-word"

I just realized I don't swear as much as I used to.

Could it be the lower testosterone causing me to be less macho and angry, or is it because swearing is unbecoming of a lady?

The first possibility is more medically-related to transition, the second possibility is more socially-related to transition.

Did this change happen because of the pills I take, or because I think I need to make that change because a lady doesn't curse?

I dunno. Could be either, could be both!

Many good points Liz,

Transition its self is just the journey . It is what you learn on that journey that shapes and redefines you.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I'm still on the fence about this. I feel there are certain core aspects of you (speaking in general) that don't change with transition, and there are other things about you that maybe you look at and think "you know, I really have been wanting to change this about me, so why not now?"

One could also argue: are you changing because of the transition you're going through or because you think you should be changing because of the transition you're going through?

Transition is a fantastic opportunity to just step back and take stock of who you are as a person, your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies and interests and really sit down and think: do I still want to do (x) when I change genders? or: do I still want to be (y) in my new role?

It's almost like you can take yourself and make yourself better.

Now granted, some things about you aren't going to change. Like stated previously, if you were bossy as a guy, most likely you're going to still be bossy as a woman. However, the social reaction is going to change: Bossy guys are looked at differently than bossy women so there's always that to take into consideration. If that's how you are, that's how you are, but at least know and anticipate how that's going to be taken so you can be ready for it. It's really eye-opening to go from being a direct and take charge manager as a male and then applying the very same tactics as a woman and overhearing someone say "geez, what a bossy b-word"

I just realized I don't swear as much as I used to.

Could it be the lower testosterone causing me to be less macho and angry, or is it because swearing is unbecoming of a lady?

I like all of this.

I remember my hairdresser saying things before such as "Is this what Kayla wants in her life?" "Is this what Kayla wants to do?" It was all in reference to alcohol and the POSSIBLE addiction, but the principle is the same.

Remember when I'd changed my name internally at my former job? I remember the first week, where we were gathered at the whiteboard and taking attendance. "Natalya? hahahaha!" "Who the f(iretruck) is Natalya!?" My responses to both of those were to say nothing, and say "me" respectively. I knew that there was going to be some squabble about my name. They even started changing other people's names on the board after that for a while. Jordan to Jordana. Brandon to Brandy, etc.

Maybe I'll be treated differently, or taken less seriously. Oh well? If they don't expect as much of me, and I deliver more then they expected, then ... win?

When I gave him that information, I had actually forgotten I was in male mode. The fact that I'm transitioning didn't even cross my mind. I think I did it mainly because unemployment is unfortunately a real thing. And since I've had other people help me out when I was unemployed, why not pay it forward? He has no idea who I am. All he knows is possibly my first name (which won't help him that much, haha!), and that I was at a temp agency on this day.

Frankly, I forget that I'm not a female unless I look in the mirror, or someone calls me "sir" (bleh!) So I don't think transition has forced me to do anything persay. I will mention though that I do my best not to curse anymore. It's not befitting of a lady, nor is it what Kayla wants to take into her life.

"So nice, and so polite to everyone." That's what I want people to say about me.

sometimes I think transition is also a moment in one's life where she decide to change. Before I was a fake ermit who was always in his guards, always on the defensive. Now I don't want to isolate myself no more, I want to be happy and open to others. I also have post traumatic stress and I'm trying to live with it instead of being a slave to it. To me transition is to be myself in every way.

So im my case, yes, i'm developing a second identity, the real one. The first one was so fake, so forced it had to change.

I feel that way, too.

I feel that for the past 23 years, I've been forced to fake an identity that I didn't want. I've noticed that my online gaming has gotten me more friends in the past few months then it ever had. It's not uncommon for me to have new people pming me out of the blue (I'm not counting spam, or hookup lines). It seems that when you give the notion of "don't care" it seems to gravitate others towards you.

God Bless

Kayla <3

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Yep, changes. I think Lizzie hit most of the points I would say. I have changed both from hormones, and from social transition. No T for me, means no aggression. My driving style, and how I express myself when angry have both changed drastically, mostly from HRT. I am very pleased with those changes. Other changes from hormones: sex drive, sexual orientation, sexual responses, etc.,. One change that was unwelcome concerns sense of direction; I used to have an excellent sense of direction, and great navigation skills. On HRT, well, all that went out the window. Oh well.

Most of my other changes in personality come primarily with what I want to be like as a woman. I have dropped all my macho shields, and with it went cursing, spitting, drinking beer from a bottle (I use a glass always now), and so many other things. I try my best to act like a lady, and in turn expect to be treated as one. I was never bossy, or aggressive by nature, so that keeps me from being perceived as a "b" word. Oh, and I saved the biggest change for last, I have lost the dark parts of my personality, and I express my honest to goodness happiness very well now. My sense of humour is back, and in fact is much better than ever before. I keep Alex laughing a lot, and suffer with terrible giggle fits myself.

hugs,

Stephanie