Been Busy

[Guest]

I haven't posted much lately but have been lurking when possible. Thought I'd tell ya all that I started counseling in January. Trying to wrap my head around all this...

[tracy_j]

I had noticed you were not about Fiona.

I hope all is going well and your counsellor is good.

Thanks for the update

Take care

Tracy x

[Guest]

Thanx, Tracy. Im still learning to stop repressing this and I'm dealing with a cervical spine issue and will have surgery in a couple months, the symptoms are bad.

As for the counsslor, so far so good.

Thanx again.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Fiona,

Yep, your presence was indeed missed, glad you're back. Thanks for the update.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest]

Thanx, sweetie.

[Guest]

Ok, time to be a bit more honest I guess. While I've been underdressing for months now, I started wearing small 'breast enhancers' as somewhat recently, except at work and around family. I was scared as hell in the beginning that someone would notice and make a comment. Well, I have gotten a bit more bold about it and not worry as much about my shirt being baggy enough to obscure.

Earlier this week I bought a slightly larger pair and tonight is the first time I've gone out in them. I'm nearing the point of not caring what others think (except work and family).

Baby steps.

[Guest]

Something else I feel woth mentioning. After one of my therapy sessions, my therapist said 'thank You Ma'am........

That caught me quite off gaurd and hit me funny. I dont even know how to interpret the feeling I got from it. I absolutely don't know...

[tracy_j]

Yes baby steps are the way (at least to me). I'm glad things are going well.

Currently I now often wear a padded bra (without forms) when about the house (it's still cool here so thick winter shirt makes it less obvious). I suspect it has been noticed but I'm never too sure. I have no issues with feminine clothing but a bra is a different matter as I don't really need one, so I suspect I would be heavily criticised if it were too obvious. I had a lightly padded one on today when out though and as my clothes were tight fitting it was noticeable but not so it would be obvious (I was dressed female but more androgyne as my best friend who I was with does not cope with my change very well).

On a similar note my jeggings, which I wore today, are a little large and had dropped a little at the back so I was showing off the top of my tights when I bent over when I had returned home. My partner commented on the fit of the jeggings but surprisingly did not comment on the tights (surprising because she has said how she does not like tights even on women and has criticised some of my leggings before as they look like tights).

Sometimes even though I am half woman I find some of their thought processes difficult to understand

Tracy x

[Guest]

I'm assuming that Jeggings is actually leggings? I always thought that leggings were damn near the same as tights. I mean, I know that tights are more Spandexy, but I really don't see a big difference, in terms of outward appearance.

If one is to really pay attention, my forms are visible. However, since there is a medical condition that causes enlarged breasts in men, I believe the slightly round protrusions would be mostly ignored. I occasionally observe double-takes, but that could also be people reading my T-shirts.

As for the difference between male/female thought processes, I know what you mean. And based upon my research, a male taking female hormones actually have their thought processes change, at least in many cases. In fact, all the changes are quite stunning.

I fully dress with size Ds any time I'm home, the only thing my wife isn't ready for me to do is wear makeup, wig or shave my arms/face. I think the's more worried about what friends/family will think. Shaving my legs is ok because I have ink and I just say that I don't want it obscured by hair. While she loves Fiona, she also loves Daniel...

[tracy_j]

Jeggings look like a cross between jeans and leggings. They are made of a stretchy denim material and have an elasticated waist with no zip like leggings. They are good because they do not look too feminine if you wish to dress 'half way'. They are available in a variety of colours as well as traditional denim.

I suspect its maybe a variation in terminology as they are common here so proably are with you but maybe named differently.

Tracy

[Guest]

Ahhh. Ok. Ive heard of the style, but not of their name. Thanks

[gennee]

Hi Fiona and thank you for the update. With each step you're taking you're becoming bolder and confident and that's great. I remember when I started out ten years with all the thoughts and trepidation about all this. Took me over a year to feel content with myself. Haven't looked back since.

[Guest]

Thanks Genne, I feel content much of the time but frankly I'm still working to remove the stugma brainwashing that's been in my life for 48 years. I'm still in the begining of my therapy (started mid or late January 2015) so iI have a ways to go. My last session I finaly borke down in complete anger about the societal attitudes towards trans people. Based on the reaction of the therapist, I got the impression that hewas waitingforit. LOL...

Time will tell......

-Fiona

[Guest]

I should explain the reason I was gone. First I had to travel to Korea five times over a year and was there a month each time. Installed and dealt with huge system failures and the stress was quite bad. Probably the worst I've ever had. A couple times I thought I was having a heart attack due to chest pain. Working long hours six days a week, takes a toll. Then there's the time change. I'm very susceptible to jet lag. It takes me a month to recover once I get home and by recover, I mean just the simple time change. Never mind I can't use my C-PAP machine while in Korea, so I don't sleep well.

The second major problem is: A couple years ago I had spinal surgery that fused C6 to C7 as well as a disk replacement in that same junction. Was fine until my second to last trip to Korea when I had similar symptoms. I've now spent the last several months on pain meds and nerve blockers as well as surgical epidurals while the surgeon decides what to do (spinal stenosis).

Then there's the fact that the kids (daughter her hubby and their child) finally moved out last June. Even though I'm generally in pain scaling from 3-8, I'm trying to do things with my wife as well as put my house back in order. The neck/back/shoulder pain causes terrible migraines and sometimes I'm near tears. I do what I can but some weekends I just can't, so it's taking a long time.

In a nut shell, I rarely feel safe visiting this site while at work and most times, once I get home I'm too tired or hurting too much to do much of anything.

Anyway, to those that may have been interested, that's the reasons…

[tracy_j]

Thank you for sharing Fiona

It doesn't sound good but just think of us when you are not so good. We'll be here thinking of you

I must admit I noticed the job that you do and wondered that I would have liked something similar at times as I am qualified as an electronic engineer and have a leaning toward radio and RF circuitry, but it is perhaps a case of the 'grass being greener' elsewhere?

Without the kids being there it will make things easier to cope but also quieter. I do miss my son since he moved out although we still have a stepson so its not too quiet yet.

Just get here as you feel and can and don't overdo it.

Take care of yourself

Tracy x

[Guest]

Thanx, sweetie...

[Charlize]

Sorry to hear you are in such discomfort. I hope the doctors find a good way to give you some relief. it is indeed hard to concentrate on anything when your in pain but we always welcome your communication here.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

Hello Fiona, Stress is a terrible thing to manage,and with the stress of both work and not being able to totally be yourself at home is a lot to take, it seems to me that loads of men have breasts nowadys, they some times could do with a bra you only have to look on the beach,Certainly some medications add to breast tissue,. I have small breasts, I can fill an A cup and it's not too bad with a B underwired, my breasts would not be obvious under a loose shirt or pullover but I am not allowed to go out with them except up the road to the rubbish container,

Try to take care of the stress,

Hugs,

vivianmichelle

I've started to exercise again and that should help with the stress and getting back down to a reasonable weight. I've lost around 25lbs since the end of January. As for going shirtless, because of my beer-belly, I wouldn't do that anyway. But I'm working on the belly. However, i doubt I would feel comfortable going shirtless around anyone but my wife anymore.

I have a fair amount of breast tissue that I finally discovered is due to some medication, but it doesn't bother me or my wife in the least.

Sorry to hear you are in such discomfort. I hope the doctors find a good way to give you some relief. it is indeed hard to concentrate on anything when your in pain but we always welcome your communication here.

Hugs,

Charlize

Thanks, Epidural is Wednesday, unless they postpone it again. Then at some point a bit afterwards, surgery........

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Aww Fiona do take care. Thinking of you.

Hugs

Eve

[Guest]