To Date or Not to Date Early on in Transition

[Guest Carla_Davis]

To Date or Not to Date Early on in Transition

http://theartoftransliness.com/post/3934537306/to-date-or-not-to-date-early-on-in-transition

This article seems very accurate.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest]

That has been plaguing my mind as well. I mean I want to have someone I can lay beside and have them hold and love me but the downsides are a little scary.

[gennee]

I'm married and though I didn't transition physically, the emotional transition was a change for my spouse as well as myself. Combine that with me still struggling to understand what was happening and you can sometimes have a volatile mix. There were periods of questions and doubts. I mostly was concerned with how far transition was going to go? There are a lot of unknowns during transition.

I was most concerned with how this would affect my marriage. We have been together 25 years and I read many, many posts of marriages breaking up because of the transitioning. We kept communicating. I answered whatever questions she had. I had to reassure her that I still loved her. Ten years have passed and our lives are better than ever. We do many things together. One of the happiest moments of my life was when she said that she supports me 100% and said so publicly.

[Guest JaksOuttaTheBox]

I am early in transition (by my own decree) and in a new relationship. For the past 10 years or so, whether or not to date during early transition has been a common topic amongst my friends, as a small handful of them have been transitioning. I personally began my journey within the past year and am pre-T and pre-surgeries.

About 5-6 months ago, I picked up and left everything I had ever known to move 1400 miles away to start over in a lot of senses. A friend of 10+ years allowed me to move in with her and from the first night I got there, the physical/sexual relationship began. She adapted very quickly when I asked her to please not refer to me as her girlfriend or by female pronouns. I was rather impressed by it really, especially cuz I still primarily went by my birth name. Our other roommates also caught on quickly without me having to ask or explain anything. After 3 months there, the woman I had previously been involved with (it's too long and complicated to try to describe the parameters of that relationship at the time it was happening) came back into my life. I packed my few belongings into 2 suitcases and moved 1400 miles back to where I started from essentially, and in with this woman now. She is not having an easy time getting the pronouns or name correct, but she tries. She calls me her boyfriend or husband, enjoys me physically whether I'm bound and ready to present to the world or walking around the house in my boxers with a "woman's" chest completely exposed (yes that took some time for me to be comfortable with). My gender has no bearing on how this woman feels about me and supports me in doing whatever makes me happy and comfortable with me. I got really lucky. I know in time she will get better with the name and pronouns and for all the patience she shows me (I'm not the easiest person to live or deal with daily), I can show her some too.

From my own experiences so far, the experiences others have shared with me and/or that I witnessed them go thru, the only conclusion I can draw is that dating early on is an individual decision and can work if both persons are willing to be caring, understanding and patient with each other... But shouldn't every relationship have those things period?

-Jaks-

[Charlize]

I think you have spoken the truth here. Circumstance and the people involved are more important than the time frame. Honesty and love can take the place of years.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

While my wife is very supportive. it's one thing to be 'dressed' around the house and underdressed when out, but actually living full time or the whole transition, that would strain ANY relationship. Frankly, the new gender is not what your SO signed up for...

[Guest JaksOuttaTheBox]

Fiona -

As I eluded, circumstances and the people involved are what make every situation different. A lot of things happen in everyone's lives and it usually isn't what someone else "signed up for" but that doesn't mean a relationship can't last and/or flourish.

-Jaks-

[Guest]

While I agree, based upon our conversations, I seriously doubt she would be able to remain in our relationship, which makes this all the more difficult...

[Guest JaksOuttaTheBox]

You never know though... People can make surprising changes, adaptations and acceptances sometimes. At least we can always hope for that/the best, even while preparing for the worst. How long have you two been together?

-Jaks-

[Guest]

I guess anything is possible, Jaks.

This upcoming December will be 29 years. We've talked about renewing our vows on our 30th. I just don't know where I'm going with my Femme self. So many things I need to understand about myself and the potential loss of most of my family.

It's a lot to consider at my older age...

[Angelo christoper]

Had I think you just a lucky person to have found such love, thanks for sharing with us, I have learnt alot from your story.