Scared, Confused, Help Me.

[Guest Priscilla?]

Um Hello.

I really don't know what to say. I guess I'll just say what drove me to find this website and make a post. Recently I have been questioning my gender and sexuality a lot. I really do not know what to do about it. I say that I am confused since these feelings recently slapped me in the face. I have not felt this way since I was younger around 12. That was when I first started dressing up. I got caught eventually and stopped completely. A few years later I started using drugs. I used hardcore drugs until 15 months ago when the pain was too much to bear. When I got clean I was told by many people that feelings and dreams come back.

So for the past month or so I have been looking at my past my childhood in particular. I noticed that I did not act like most boys as a child. I always hung out with the girls on my block playing house and similar pretend games. I was never big on sports much to my fathers extreme disappointment. As I got older I was pretty much a loner, I played video games and spent most of my time on the internet. But even with video games I always played a female character. When I started doing drugs all of this disapeared I put on a lot of masks and numbed myself. But now that I am clean all these old feelings are coming back.

It honestly makes a lot of sense to me. But it scares me so much at the same time. I have always had long hair, and shaved my face, chest, underarms, but to fully transition terrifies me. I have so much self doubt, I constantly ask myself questions like; What if I'm wrong? What if I can't pass? What if I lose all my friends? How could I even go about affording this? Can I afford not to do this?

I really do not know what to do. I honestly think I need therapy for a whole multitude of issues, but recently I have wondered if maybe this is the root of it all.

I seriously cannot believe I just admitted this, nobody knows I feel this way, hell I don't think I even know how I feel.

[Guest Mickey]

It is entirely okay to be feeling like this. Especially now. I'll say this, find a gender therapist, be completely open and honest with them, and they can help you tremendously. Transition has and is, helping me a great deal. This is a great place to discuss all these things. In addition to all the gender forums, there is also a forum for recovery, where sobriety is the main topic.

I think that Priscilla is a very pretty name. And welcome to Lauras.

Mickey

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello, Priscilla, and welcome to Laura's Playground. Hon, you have already received some good advice from my friends. Let me also suggest that you take a couple of deep breaths and just calm down a bit. i get the feeling you are just in your 20's. There is no hurry with this, no need to make decisions and change your life right now. Yes, transitioning is complex, difficult, and scary, but no one says that you must transition, now or ever. That is something for you to decide if and when the time comes.

Read some of the threads here, especially some of the pinned topics. See what the path ahead might look like, Get a good book on the subject, such as "She's Not There, A Life In Two Genders." Do some more online research, such as looking up the WPATH Standards of Care V7. Ask questions, the more the better. And please know that, even if it turns out that you are a transgender woman, transition is not the only possible course of action. There are alternatives short of full physical and social transition.

One thing at a time, Priscilla. Hang in there.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Welcome Priscilla. I came here after i finally got honest with myself 5 years into sobriety. The amazing and wonderful thing was that i found i wasn't alone and others understood my confusion and the pain of finding myself. Many here are quite happy to dress at times while others have had every possible surgery. Most fall somewhere between. Take you time and look around. Like sobriety it takes time and we get progress not perfection. I don't know where you are in Jersey but there are some good AA meetings that are very accepting of trans* individuals.

Hope you find some answers and support here. I did and hope to be able to pass on what was given freely to me.

By there way there are gender therapists who can help.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Pricilla,

Welcome to Laura’s Playground

I want to congratulate you for stop taking hardcore drugs

It is very common to have self-doubt about being transgender.

You have raised many good questions.

What if I can't pass? What if I lose all my friends? How could I even go about affording this? Can I afford not to do this?

There is no timeline that you need to decide to transition.

These are all valid reasons to think about.

I did not transition Full-Time until I was in my 50’s.

Slow down, take some deep breaths, and take one day at a time.

You are setting extremely high goals at this time, instead of setting small goals that you can accomplish easily.

These publications may be helpful for you:

Be Yourself: Questions and Answers for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning Youth.

https://docs.google.com/a/pflag.org/file/d/0Bz_Rb69kZTYDbTl2dmhWTFc4MGc/preview?pli=1

A fresh new update to one of PFLAG's most popular publications! Revised in 2014, this publication offers a supportive and understanding approach to today's most common questions and concerns from youth regarding sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. With youth coming out--and disclosing--at younger and younger ages, BE YOURSELF has never been more important. The publication also includes an up-to-date list of resources, including hotline numbers, other organizations,

This FREE publication has some very helpful information about sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression.

I Think I Might Be Transgender, Now What do I Do? (PDF)

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=731&Itemid=177http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Story?id=3088298&page=1#.Ud8yuVXD_IU

and finally,

Coming Out as a Transgender Person: A Workbook

http://mccchurch.org/?wpfb_dl=366

One: It’s OK to be transgender

Two: It takes time to know who you are

Three: You ARE NOT alone.

I would also recommend that you contact a Gender Therapist to help you deal with some of your decisions.

You may also want to locate a Transgender Support Group in NJ where you will meet and make new friends that have similar thoughts and feelings as yourself, and you can ask questions to the members of the group about what helped them with your questions and fears.

I hope this information is of some help to you

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest]

Welcome, Priscilla. I can identify with many things youn said. It's a tough road, but you can find some help here. And perhaps seek counseling. Good kuck, Dear