What If ?

[Guest mia 1]

Even as a moderator I'm not sure where to post this topic maybe in partners?S.O.'s of.....

But what would you be feeling us MTF's and you FTM's if your partner came up to you and said "I can't live with this any more..it's been with me my entire life,,I've gone through denial, despair, near destruction,and I have to tell you now,,I've been living a lie and I'm a woman/man in the wrong body..

I love you and always will that is why I'm telling you this to save us and to save me........I need to transition, wear the clothes I've always wanted to and possibly have surgery to permanently change my gender...I'm sorry if this hurts you and I'm aware of your thoughts...You think I've betrayed you , deceived you, and I have but at the same parallel time I've been betraying and deceiving my self and I can't do it to you nor to myself..I love you and I love you more than I love me,,but I have to be me and that means this gender transition.....If you need to leave me I'll understand...but I want you with me....you are the person that I have chosen to spend my life with....

Most of us have been in this conversation and situation.and through some miracle our wives/husbands for the most part have stayed with us and even though they love us and communicate their feelings, thoughts and emotions, mostly positive...what the heck are they really wondering and thinking..and what would we be thinking with the roles reversed....???

[Guest shalini]

this is shalini m to f and i have been living with my wife and had no problem abt my cross dressing.In fact she helps me to get well dressed as a woman.So it depends on the mind set of both the partners.

Even as a moderator I'm not sure where to post this topic maybe in partners?S.O.'s of.....

But what would you be feeling us MTF's and you FTM's if your partner came up to you and said "I can't live with this any more..it's been with me my entire life,,I've gone through denial, despair, near destruction,and I have to tell you now,,I've been living a lie and I'm a woman/man in the wrong body..

I love you and always will that is why I'm telling you this to save us and to save me........I need to transition, wear the clothes I've always wanted to and possibly have surgery to permanently change my gender...I'm sorry if this hurts you and I'm aware of your thoughts...You think I've betrayed you , deceived you, and I have but at the same parallel time I've been betraying and deceiving my self and I can't do it to you nor to myself..I love you and I love you more than I love me,,but I have to be me and that means this gender transition.....If you need to leave me I'll understand...but I want you with me....you are the person that I have chosen to spend my life with....

Most of us have been in this conversation and situation.and through some miracle our wives/husbands for the most part have stayed with us and even though they love us and communicate their feelings, thoughts and emotions, mostly positive...what the heck are they really wondering and thinking..and what would we be thinking with the roles reversed....???

[Guest skyy]

this situation is different for me. because i am capable of loving anyone, i feel like this would not change my prospective of them in how i love them. i would support them, and wish to stay with them if they would have me. as i see it, i love this person, and no gender could change that. if it did, for me, it wouldnt be love. of course, this is all theretical, because my GF/BF/dinasaurfriend is Deeedoo whose state of identity and/or gender is limitless and morphic.

[Guest Zabrak]

I'm bi and my S.O is a very feminine man. I would not be shocked at all if he turned out to be a MTF and I'd be just fine with it.

[Sally]

I would like to think that I could pass this test.

I do believe that if you truly love someone the body should not be as important as the soul/spirit/essence whatever you want to call it of your partner.

Many of the SOs who can't stay are leaving because of how they would appear to others, loving another person comes after keeping up appearances.

I do know that this was the case in my marriage and it was doomed to fail at some point even if I never transitioned.

Love ya - even if you are transitioning,

Sally

[Guest doodle]

My SO is female much like Helen Boyd sort of but kinda bi . She is very close to being a guy but does not have that butch look. It wouldn't surprise me if she went F to M. It wouldn't bother me . I would help her as much as I could. It would be fun I think. She is helping me. Sometimes I wish she would. We have discussed it already but she likes being a the way she is.

doodle

[Guest Elizabeth K]

My first wife asked me on this and i didn't even know it at the time. She was in Med school (she died young by the way) and was studying gender and genetics. there is a syndrome where some genetic XY men do not react to androgens (I think that's right) and develop into a female body, and some of these people don't know it until after they marry and discover they cannot have children.

She asked me what would I do if she was like that. I said without thinking, I guess we would have to adopt. She grinned - I think I passed some sort of 'love' test.

Lizzy

[Guest mia 1]

Oh those are some wonderful responses.....When I first met my wife she asked me if I would love her if she was bald. Without hesitating I said absolutely YES!

So I don't no if she was thinking chemo or female pattern baldness but I love her more now than ever before and I know she loves me because she isn't sticking around because I'm good looking*

* My old boss back in the 70's used that line to tell me:....."Mia I didn't hire you because you were good looking ." That was his way of complimenting me on my work ethic.

[Guest Little Sara]

there is a syndrome where some genetic XY men do not react to androgens (I think that's right) and develop into a female body, and some of these people don't know it until after they marry and discover they cannot have children.

She asked me what would I do if she was like that. I said without thinking, I guess we would have to adopt. She grinned - I think I passed some sort of 'love' test.

This would be Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, and despite having XY chromosomes, the majority of them are very much female and women, not men by any measure.

This is one of the two very probable conditions I have, so I know enough about it.

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

Of course I would like to think that, if someone I were dating came out to me as transgendered, I would be able to accept and deal with it rationally, since I can understand the feeling from firsthand experience.

In a case, however, where said person comes out to me, then becomes a completely different person, and I learn that the person I thought I had been dating was an act and not how the person truly was, I can imagine that being difficult for me to handle. I can't imagine dating someone and not knowing what they are truly like.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

This would be Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, and despite having XY chromosomes, the majority of them are very much female and women, not men by any measure.

This is one of the two very probable conditions I have, so I know enough about it.

Interesting and confusing I know. My therapist has treated over 100 transexual people here in New Olrleans - and she shocked me when I asked her about my quick reactons to HRT (two months). She said I could be intersexed - as the two other she has worked with with that quick reaction turned out to have overies when SRS was performed.

Freaked me out, as I was told they kept me in the hospital for days after I was born. I also have some strange scar tissue from my privates downward under. But after some discussion she said it would be best to never investigate, high costs and different rules for transitioning, and I am already doing transitioning. I did some reseach and many TG seem to hang up on that intersex idea as it seems to authenticate their feelings, but it is usually not indicated. I told that to my therapist, and she said there may be other characteristics NOT associated with surgery as an infant. So i just smile and say whatever!

I have never had a really maculine body or face, which is great now!

Hummm - a lot of strange things happen in this place we call our lives.

Lizzy

[Guest mia 1]

Of course I would like to think that, if someone I were dating came out to me as transgendered, I would be able to accept and deal with it rationally, since I can understand the feeling from firsthand experience.

In a case, however, where said person comes out to me, then becomes a completely different person, and I learn that the person I thought I had been dating was an act and not how the person truly was, I can imagine that being difficult for me to handle. I can't imagine dating someone and not knowing what they are truly like.

So you have a certain ambivalence to the situation?

But I think once you realized that this is the person you love their birth gender should mean nothing..and their true gender is what it is all about...At least that is the way I would see it..after the initial "surprise' and emotions wore off and the true love shines through......Mia

[Guest Elizabeth K]

MIA

I told my wife about this posting.

Blank stare - then "I never would want to be anything else but a woman."

Missed the point I guess, but you know, it made me envious. How is it to be so secure in your gender identity that you would NEVER consider what it is like on the other side. WOW

Lizzy

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

So you have a certain ambivalence to the situation?

But I think once you realized that this is the person you love their birth gender should mean nothing..and their true gender is what it is all about...At least that is the way I would see it..after the initial "surprise' and emotions wore off and the true love shines through......Mia

Yes, but that's if it is the person I love. If I fall in love with the fake side that the person is projecting in order mask a true self, then that is when it would be difficult. I've noticed this problem in a few significant others who have come here - they feel that the person they loved is gone because they began acting differently. That's all I'd be afraid of; otherwise, I think I'd be thrilled to have found someone who can completely understand that part of me.

[Guest Zabrak]

I've noticed this problem in a few significant others who have come here - they feel that the person they loved is gone because they began acting differently.

I think this is one good thing about me. I've never changed how I acted around my S.O and most of my friends. I've always been this way which is good - maybe a little more angry on T though... Around other people and family is a different story... I did hide my feelings about being trans, though, from everyone.

[Guest Stuv]

My actual reaction to Zabrak as I read this thread:

"OMG I'm very feminine?!"

...Then I stopped to consider it. My family is "ruled", as it were by dominant women. I find the concept of a man in control, in the home, to be alien, uncomfortable and sometimes, strangely exciting. So gender roles are totally flipped, even with me the only genderqueer in 4 generations' sight!

As for the topic, well, I dodged the bullet completely on that situation. But that isn't fair now is it! But being the TS, well.. I "hate" to say I'd probably be too accepted. My family can have such a dismal view of everyday life (nearly everyone is diagnosed with something) that if I showed up to family dinner with GID I'd probably be told to get in line and not bother about it!