Online Gender Therapist?

[xanyx]

I looked at the list of therapists on this website and there's an online therapy site based in Europe.

They can write a letter for hormonal therapy to be taken to the local endo doctor.

Do you think such letter would be accepted in the US, since it's from the online therapist and overseas too?

If you know anything, please let me know.

I'd much rather use online therapy to avoid the hassle of in person visits, of course, but I'm not sure

if I'd have trouble with their letter being accepted, since in US doctors seems to be so conservative

sometimes.

[Guest Crossroads]

I feel that the in-person approach is very helpful. I was very against going to a therapist at first. I hate psychologists/psychiatrists because of very bad experiences when I was young. But when I realized, there wasn't really another option, I decided to go. I went knowing I was ready, with no obstacles.

I believe my therapist has really been great. He helped me work on some things I didn't know were issues, without saying I wasn't ready to transition. On the contrary, he understood my need to get started and did everything he could to help. I hate therapists that LIE to their clients. If he had told me, "oh, you are passing perfectly." I would have never gone back. Instead, my therapist told me that he didn't think I would pass 100% until 6 months on testosterone. That put into my head that I really needed to work on things. So I cut my hair, started working on STPs and working my voice lower naturally through voice exercise. And a month later, I went back, and my therapist was genuinely excited about everything. Suddenly, he was sure I'd pass by the time I move to Atlanta (2 months on Testosterone). Not to mention because he's local, he's given me ALL SORTS of local resources not just trans resources.

If I had done it online, I don't feel it could have been that helpful online. Most of us know we are ready to start transitioning. But sometimes an outside opinion can give us something that others FTMs and those in our everyday lives can't.

Of course, this is your decision. I wouldn't trust that a European letter would work in the US, but it's something I'm sure you could ask them. This is just my take on it. Hope it helps in some way.

[Guest Myles]

I know someone on my other board who has used online therapy and their letter will work. He had to ask the DR. if he would take a letter from this therapist before hand to make sure it would work. If you know the Dr you are going to use I would ask them as all Dr are different. You may want to ask the online therapist if he has sent letters to a Dr in your area before if so who.

I agree with the above on in person therapy. When I finally went to a gender therapist I had already been dealing with transitioning on my own for 2 years so I just needed a letter for hormones and top surgery. What I have found is a great resource for local information on trans stuff as well as someone who can answer basic trans issues (he transitioned in my city several years ago). There are definite advantages to going in person especially if you find someone you work well with.

Myles

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

My therapist is in another state. I'm in FL and he's in NC. I do phone counseling, which is another option. I prefer it to online because it really is basically the same as an in person visit. Talking to someone and hearing their voice...I don't know...it somehow adds to the overall experience. There's a lot of info that gets carried in voice tone and inflection. Online that is lost.

I don't know if it matters if the letters come from someone licensed in the US. You want to always make sure your therapist or whomever writes your letters is licensed and follows the WPATH Standards of Care. I think there would be less chances of problems if you went with a US therapist. My therapist is listed on the site here. His name's Sam Allen. I like him, but he might not be your style. He's very...direct. No sugar coating from that guy.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Oh...and another reason to go with a local therapist (or at least in the US) is that they are more likely to be familiar with the applicable laws and know where to access resources. Even though the internet is great, there is still a good bit of info in the trans community that gets passed on via word of mouth.

Just my 2 cents.

[Guest Little Sara]

I hate therapists that LIE to their clients. If he had told me, "oh, you are passing perfectly." I would have never gone back. Instead, my therapist told me that he didn't think I would pass 100% until 6 months on testosterone.

My therapist, after 2 years of HRT and 18 months of being 99% passable, said I would never pass. I laughed her off, literally. She was adamant she was right and that I came off as effeminate rather than feminine. Experience tells me otherwise, but so much for her. Haven't seen her in almost a year now.

[xanyx]

You know someone who'd successfully used online therapy? You don't know by chance which one they'd used?

I think this doctor is licensed as counselor in the US, as well as in the UK. I need to check this..

Phone consultations aren't bad, but the cheapest ones I saw were $90 per hour, that means over $1000 total, I can't afford it being a student.

Could go to some local sliding scale fee place... but I heard of some bias towards FTM, I'm reluctant to go now.

It's not comfortable for me to do face-to-face consultation at all. I'd feel like a lab rat. Still remember what I knew of psychiatric prisons in my home country, where there were drug experimentations and much worse, and how a person could "disappear", and one would for sure end up there claiming to be transgender. In person too much stress for me.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

You know someone who'd successfully used online therapy? You don't know by chance which one they'd used?

I think this doctor is licensed as counselor in the US, as well as in the UK. I need to check this..

Phone consultations aren't bad, but the cheapest ones I saw were $90 per hour, that means over $1000 total, I can't afford it being a student.

Could go to some local sliding scale fee place... but I heard of some bias towards FTM, I'm reluctant to go now.

It's not comfortable for me to do face-to-face consultation at all. I'd feel like a lab rat. Still remember what I knew of psychiatric prisons in my home country, where there were drug experimentations and much worse, and how a person could "disappear", and one would for sure end up there claiming to be transgender. In person too much stress for me.

I think $90 an hour is probably a standard rate for a master's level counselor. I wasn't able to find cheaper.

In all actuality, if you are strapped for cash, a sliding scale clinic is probably a reasonable option. There may be bias. If you don't like one therapist, try another. My mom is a therapist. Even though some therapists are jerks, some are nice, caring people. No one is going to lock you up against your will and do drug experiments on you.

Of course, if it is too much stress right off, I can understand you wanting to find an online therapist. The thing is, you are going to want to look up the license of anyone you go to. You can do it online. It's important to do that.

Another alternative is that you might try calling a sliding scale clinic and ask to speak with a therapist there. There's no rule that says they can't do phone therapy with you. Just tell them that you are really anxious and aren't comfortable talking in person. See where that goes.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Just for comparison reasons, my therapist is PhD and charges $100 a session, which lasts about one hour.

And she is a gender dysphoric specialist, AND an excellant source for resources. I don't think I would ever use an on-line or telephone therapist, but I live in a big city.

Lizzy

[Guest Jackson]

Just for comparison reasons, my therapist is PhD and charges $100 a session, which lasts about one hour.

And she is a gender dysphoric specialist, AND an excellant source for resources. I don't think I would ever use an on-line or telephone therapist, but I live in a big city.

Lizzy

I'm like Lizzy. I actually wouldn't want to use an on-line or telephone therapist. I like the face-to-face contact. Call me old-fashioned, but there is nothing like talking to someone face to face. I don't like trying to communicate without seeing a person's facial expressions and body language.

My therapist, also a specialist in gender dysphoria and a college professor now, charges $75 a session which lasts 50 minutes. I drive an hour one-way to see her, but it's well worth it.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

When I first "came out" to myself, I was too scared to talk to anyone in person. I didn't want anyone to know who I was and my counselor was willing to take PayPal and not even know my real name. There is at least one trans-friendly therapist where I live, but going to her was like admitting in public something that really scared me. It was all I could do to just admit what I felt anonymously...on the phone. If I hadn't had that resource available, I don't know what I would have done. The counseling center at my school is really only good for handling "I miss my mom", and not much else.

In an ideal world, I think in person counseling is the most effective. It's my preference too. There's a lot of information that gets transmitted in a face to face interaction. Now that I'm not freaked out anymore, I wish I lived closer to my therapist. I still do the phone counseling thing, mostly because I've established rapport with my current therapist and don't want to change.

[Guest Evan_J]

Mine is a PhD level gender specialist at 75$ an hour but since he's trans himself I think theres a bit of "giving back" involved and if you had proof of income showing financial hardship he could slide the scale but thats because he has other non-trans clients to make up the diffenence. When we first spoke, he let me know that he would do some sessions by phone if necessary but never an initial one and preferred face-to-face. I like face -to-face too so it worked. Look around there are a lot of options . I think 90 an hour might be "average" though at least for one based in the U. S.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey Evan,

I just started with a gender therapist Dr. Graham L Peveller. His servics are $100.00 for ever four sessions. That equates to $25.00 per session. I just started, so I cannot yet evaluate if this is money well spent yet, but when I do I will let you know.

Regards,

bernie

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Mine costs $200 per hour, but I think she has two masters and a social work degree. Luckily, my grandparents pay for it.

I can completely see the appeal of an online therapist, but like the others, I would recommend in-person therapy if you can. Aside from the benefits others have mentioned (local resources, etc.), talking about this stuff in person has the advantage of, well, making you talk about it in person. It gives you practical knowledge of what it's like to talk about yourself as a transperson so that when you're talking about it to someone who really matters to you (your parents, your family, your S.O., your best friend, etc.), you're not starting from scratch.

The bottom line is that whatever you end up doing, you need to find something that is going to work for you. Evaluate all your options as best you can, and if an online therapist is truly your best choice, then go for it.

Question: Can you at least videochat with this online therapist? That way you'd get to see their facial reactions and hear their tone of voice.

Good luck,

-Pól

[Guest Little Sara]

Mine cost 0$ an hour (100% covered by the basic health insurance here - that is, if you don't have any insurance, you got that one by default). But this only applies to public therapists, which means my choice is limited (not extremely limited, but meh, its free).

I've had not much luck so far, though I was able to get a GID diagnosis from the last one.

[Guest Crossroads]

I went to a women's center "in town" (sorta) to get my Testosterone. The great thing about this place is that the guy walking me through everything was a fellow FTM, so he sympathized so much with me, even during one of the hardest days of my life. I don't know if Women's Centers around the country have anything similar, but the one in Atlanta has many many FTM services. And they work on a sliding scale. And I didn't need a T-letter to get my testosterone through them, although I went through my 3 months of therapy anyway and got one.

Just did a quick google search for California Women's Center Transgender. I'm not sure if any of these are near you or will help, but check them out:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&cli...amp;btnG=Search

[xanyx]

Yeah, I guess everyone has own preference here... I'm a computer science student and don't like face-to-face communication in general.

I'm busy and even talk to most of my friends only online. So online therapy just feels most natural. I type as fast as i speak anyway. It's unnerving for me to sit in front of someone and talk about matters that are very intimate to me...this is a sure way to make me "shut down" and close up completely. I guess it's also just hard to deal with someone else might try to be in control over my life and seeing them face to face: if I were female I might be more accepting of that, but not as a male. I know I have the right to do whatever I want with my own body; society thinks different--so I comply, but I'll try to minimize the interaction with society imposed procedures as much as possible. I don't know if sliding scale clinics would be without bias: So far, I tried sliding scale clinics for regular health problems and gave up because of much bureaucracy. On the other hand I don't want to wait until I graduate and make money....

Yes that online therapist http://www.sexchange.us/ is the one I was talking about. He said his clients never had a problem having their letters accepted in the US so far.

[Guest Zabrak]

Yeah, I guess everyone has own preference here... I'm a computer science student and don't like face-to-face communication in general.

I'm busy and even talk to most of my friends only online. So online therapy just feels most natural. I type as fast as i speak anyway. It's unnerving for me to sit in front of someone and talk about matters that are very intimate to me...this is a sure way to make me "shut down" and close up completely. I guess it's also just hard to deal with someone else might try to be in control over my life and seeing them face to face: if I were female I might be more accepting of that, but not as a male. I know I have the right to do whatever I want with my own body; society thinks different--so I comply, but I'll try to minimize the interaction with society imposed procedures as much as possible. I don't know if sliding scale clinics would be without bias: So far, I tried sliding scale clinics for regular health problems and gave up because of much bureaucracy. On the other hand I don't want to wait until I graduate and make money....

Yes that online therapist http://www.sexchange.us/ is the one I was talking about. He said his clients never had a problem having their letters accepted in the US so far.

I feel the exact same way. When something important is discussed in real life its like my whole body shuts down, I can't move or talk and I just want to run away. On the net I can dicuss it easily without a issue.

[xanyx]

I'd feel better talking in person knowing that a therapist is FTM.

[Guest Stuv]

As for being more comfortable online, well, for me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no. I've shied away from using the net to discuss the most important things, because I've learned from direct experience that based on method of output, I don't filter as well, or as thoroughly (if you prefer).

I'd type things that I would -never, ever- say, and they'd flow out of my fingers without even thinking! Scrolling up in a chat, I've been shocked at my snap responses to some comments.. I found that saying what I've typed out softly to myself helps.

Generally for me the order of filtering from most to least is:

Speaking in a group > Speaking privately to one person > Speaking to myself > Thinking > Typing to a group > Personal typing (like stories or notes) > Typing to one person.

On a semi-on-topic note, when I was upset as a little one, my mom would use a stuffed dinosaur to talk to me! I couldn't face her, but I could talk to him.

[Guest Zabrak]

I'd feel better talking in person knowing that a therapist is FTM.

Oh, I should add...

I ended talking to my doctor to get my T. In order to open up to her I needed to know she was only trying to help me and not judging me. Its hard to tell the difference between the two but it takes a certain amount of trust. I would try to go to a therapist in real life and see if you can do it. If you're not able to open up to her/him then its not the end of the world, there are other options and ways to get you started.

[Guest Sakura_Stingray]

online therepy seems to be a good convenient idea....but i will not go that way...i pour in my feelings through online text of my true self all the time, but for me therepy will help me work on expressing that in real life of the net. i have bad social skills and i like to clam up in a corner when a large group of people are around. so for me taken the therepy will help me open up in a way i canot online since i am fully open online. i want to be veiwd as a woman on the streets, i have to be confident on the street, in resteraunts, in stores, at home as a woman without being scared to express myself. i have the number for the best therepist in houston she has had voted best in houston. right now im goin to schedule an apointment on april. 14 or in that week so i can also visit the transgender center and visit its program leader. she told me she moves from sanfransisco to houston at the center every third week of every month incase anyone would like to check the place out its on the bottom here. they said the houston tg center is the only one of its kind in the nation O.o;

therepist website

http://www.relationshiptherapistrn.com/index.html

Transgender Center website

http://tgctr.org/

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I went to a women's center "in town" (sorta) to get my Testosterone. The great thing about this place is that the guy walking me through everything was a fellow FTM, so he sympathized so much with me, even during one of the hardest days of my life. I don't know if Women's Centers around the country have anything similar, but the one in Atlanta has many many FTM services. And they work on a sliding scale. And I didn't need a T-letter to get my testosterone through them, although I went through my 3 months of therapy anyway and got one.

Yup. The clinic in Atlanta is an "informed consent" clinic. No letter needed. I still got a letter anyway. In my case, I'd started counseling a couple of months before I even decided I wanted to transition. The letter is good to have in case you end up moving somewhere that there isn't an established support network.

[Guest Crossroads]

Yup. The clinic in Atlanta is an "informed consent" clinic. No letter needed. I still got a letter anyway. In my case, I'd started counseling a couple of months before I even decided I wanted to transition. The letter is good to have in case you end up moving somewhere that there isn't an established support network.

It's also good for changing state documents and getting letters from surgeons. It's just a good thing to have on hand, really. Letters are nice.

[xanyx]

I learned that there's a sliding scale clinic in my area that uses 'harm reduction' principles. Not sure it's going to be the same as 'informed consent'.

So, now I dunno if I should still do therapy sessions... probably better do them for backup.