I still feel alone after telling people

[Guest alexia]

Been awhile since I've last posted. I've been visiting. This is partly due to anxiety but mostly lack of time.

In the last six or so months I've told my Dr about being transgender who recommended a pyschologist who's help has seen me join this forum. Where I find stories that give me hope and there are people having similar feelings as me. I've told both my parents who are not comfortable (especially mum) but accept it. I work on my parents farm so was reasonably confident they'd still love me. Had to tell another doctor because my previous one had left and she was very understanding and encouraging. My wife has know since before I married (~10yrs) and while not overly comfortable she still is ok with me shaving chest and legs and some dressing provide kids aren't around. So I have a lot to be grateful for and I am glad I have the love and support I have but...

I wish I had a friend who accepts me as female. Ie someone I can talk to when dressed as female, someone to give me advise, some one to go shopping with. All my life I have this secret that I can't tell anyone and dreamed that when I told someone I would have that friend. When I told my wife I thought she would be that person (she still may but I have to give her time) but when we first met I was still uncomfortable with who I am and then we had kids it was easier to suppress the feelings. After getting therapy I've learned to accept me but I'm still lonely. The irony is that I've always been comfortable being alone because then I wouldn't feel that I was pretending.

I just had to get that off my chest because just by posting something and telling someone takes the loneliness away. Also my wife is fantastic because even though she is uncomfortable she would rather me discuss things with her and not hide from her. I just get impatient. I aim to contact a support group in my capital city and see how that goes but it'll still be distance based contact.

Alexia

[Charlize]

I think while it is not often discussed here loneliness is there for many of us, I was always hiding in a closet and even if i dressed i never had a chance to be with others, certainly not with understanding or accepting women. I did find a young woman at a gay bar who supported me. There was a period of time when we would be able to shop together or go out to lunch. It was always a platonic relationship but even so i felt guilty throughout. I felt i should be taking my wife out but couldn't come out yet. Years passed and i was able to go to a woman's meeting in a recovery group i belong to. They were great and over time i participated in many meetings away from home as myself. Eventually i knew that i had to be universally honest. Today my wife and i live as two women. It hasn't been an easy path but we can loose that loneliness with honesty. The results were worth the pain for me. Give yourself time but know this is possible.

Hugs,

Charlize

[tracy_j]

I know exactly what you mean Alexia because I feel the same way.

I just love shopping and going out checking the dresses, buying something new and then trying it out but it does seem very lonely to me a lot of the time having no friends who think similarly. I would like a close friend who I could go out with. Ideally cis female so that I could naturally learn from at the same time. Although I admit I have not tried to meet trans people locally the only ones I have come across seemed to be very much 'closed in' and uninterested in their surroundings. Somewhat different to me as I love to chat, even if I 'out' myself. As such I think positively and try to comunicate although (obviously) having a female partner does restrict things. It may be easier with a male friend but that could get even more complicated.

My opinion is that it is somewhat the same as making friends in life generally. You are making a good start by zooming in a little from here and making contact with the support group. If you are lucky you will find a member who lives closer. Although far away it is likely to be helpful to go to a group meeting. You are unlikely to be alone in your thoughts.

Good luck

Tracy

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Alexia,

I am sorry that you are struggling with loneliness.

Loneliness is very common for transgender people. but It does not have to be necessary.

I am very happy that your wife is somewhat supportive of you.

I also want to commend you for reaching out to a Support Group.

They are very helpful, as you will meet other transgender who have similar thoughts and feelings as yourself.

Support Groups also have Social Events where you can be your True-Self.

GendreCentre.org.au may be helpful for you.

They offer Counseling which could be very helpful for you and your wife.

I also feel that they may be able to put you in touch with a Support Group for both you and your wife that may be closer to where you live..

Gendercentre Counselling Service

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/services/counselling.htm

The Gender Centre's counselling service is available to all clients including residential clients, community clients, partners, family members and friends of people with gender issues at no cost. The counselling service also provides support and education to school counsellors as well as counsellors in rural areas. The Gender Centre's counselling service provides:

· Counselling to all clients of the Gender Centre;

· Counselling to partners and families of clients of the Gender Centre;

· Confidentiality contract (see below);

· M.T.F. and F.T.M., transgender parents, over 55s and transgender youth support groups;

· Referrals to psychiatrists, endocrinologists and other specialists;

· Supervision to counsellors who have a transgender client; and

· Placement opportunities to student counsellors.

The issues covered in counselling may include (but are not limited to):

· cross-dressing;

· self-harm;

· suicide;

· alcohol & other drugs;

· depression;

· harassment;

· hormones;

· relationships;

· family;

· employment;

· discrimination;

· anxiety;

· sexual health;

· accommodation; and

· surgery options.

This section may also be helpful for you.

Male to Female Support

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/support/male-to-female-support.htm

This organization may also be helpful for you and your family.

ATSAQ

http://www.atsaq.com/new-index.html

The Australian Transgender Support Association of QLD (ATSAQ) was formed in 1990, to help, advise and assist the transgender community in Queensland. It is run by transgenders for transgenders and provides emotional/moral support for people with Gender identity Disorder (formally known as Gender Dysphoria) their families and friends.

I wish you Success and Happiness in your Journey, and overcoming being lonely

Hugs,

Carla

ATSAQ

http://www.atsaq.com/new-index.html

The Australian Transgender Support Association of QLD (ATSAQ) was formed in 1990, to help, advise and assist the transgender community in Queensland. It is run by transgenders for transgenders and provides emotional/moral support for people with Gender identity Disorder (formally known as Gender Dysphoria) their families and friends.

Hi Alexia,

Loneliness is very common for transgender people.

It does not have to be necessary.

I am very happy that your wife is somewhat supportive of you.

I also want to commend you for reaching out to a Support Group.

They are very helpful, as you will meet other transgender who have similar thoughts and feelings as yourself.

GendreCentre.org.au may be helpful for you.

They offer Counseling which could be very helpful for you and your wife.

I also feel that they may be able to put you in touch with a Support Group for both you and your wife that may be closer to where you live..

Gendercentre Counselling Service

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/services/counselling.htm

The Gender Centre's counselling service is available to all clients including residential clients, community clients, partners, family members and friends of people with gender issues at no cost. The counselling service also provides support and education to school counsellors as well as counsellors in rural areas. The Gender Centre's counselling service provides:

· Counselling to all clients of the Gender Centre;

· Counselling to partners and families of clients of the Gender Centre;

· Confidentiality contract (see below);

· M.T.F. and F.T.M., transgender parents, over 55s and transgender youth support groups;

· Referrals to psychiatrists, endocrinologists and other specialists;

· Supervision to counsellors who have a transgender client; and

· Placement opportunities to student counsellors.

The issues covered in counselling may include (but are not limited to):

· cross-dressing;

· self-harm;

· suicide;

· alcohol & other drugs;

· depression;

· harassment;

· hormones;

· relationships;

· family;

· employment;

· discrimination;

· anxiety;

· sexual health;

· accommodation; and

· surgery options.

This section may also be helpful for you.

Male to Female Support

http://www.gendercentre.org.au/support/male-to-female-support.htm

This organization may also be helpful for you and your family.

ATSAQ

http://www.atsaq.com/new-index.html

The Australian Transgender Support Association of QLD (ATSAQ) was formed in 1990, to help, advise and assist the transgender community in Queensland. It is run by transgenders for transgenders and provides emotional/moral support for people with Gender identity Disorder (formally known as Gender Dysphoria) their families and friends.

I wish you Success and Happiness in your Journey, and overcoming being lonely.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest alexia]

Thank you for your kind responses. I think sometimes my loneliness is self inflicted. The fear of being discovered from an early age sometimes makes it a habit to hide. When if I talked to someone about it they would have been understanding. I had an opportunity to tell one of my close friends and fear made me hold my tongue even though he would have probably been understanding. I regret it now and he will be one of the first to know (we're both married so my wifes opinion matters on when I tell anyone because she is also good friends with him and his wife).

Thanks for the list Carla with the internet its amazing how many groups there are in Australia. It gives me hope for the future of transgender people. When I first joined a group in the 90s I had to call the gay and lesbian help line and they gave me a couple of groups. I didn't join for long as I didn't accept who I was. Wisdom would be so much better to have when you are young:)

Alexia

[Guest Carla_Davis]

You are very welcome

I am glad that I could be of some help to you.

Again, I am very happy that you have a Supportive Wife

Please read this, and I hope that it helps you in your transition.

Reasons To Cherish Being Transsexual

http://transsexual.org/cherish.html

I wish you Success and Happiness in your Journey, and overcoming being lonely.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest alexia]

Thank you for that beautiful link Carla. I do cherish being transgender because it has made me who I am. It has produced a softer, more understanding and considerate side to me. That I think would be lacking if I wasn't transgender. It would be nice if the rest of the world saw that so I wouldn't have to be afraid of being openly transgender. Which I think is improving, with the positive coverage that transgender people are getting ie I turned the TV on the other day and the ABC national press club had Catherine McGregor giving a talk on what its like to come out as transgender. She was also high complimentary of the support our Prime Minister Tony Abbott (her friend) gave her.

I am greatly thankful for a supportive wife also thankful for Greys Anatomy (which she is a great fan) having a transgender story as it gives her exposure to transgender that is not from me.

Alexia