Genderqueer? Anyone? Thoughts on labeling?

[Guest Charlotte J.]

I've been thinking about the "genderqueer" identity over the past 24 hours. Do I like it, do I want to wear it for a while, perhaps temporarily, as I navigate the gender spectrum? This is going to be me thinking out loud, but first, I'd like to share a trailer to a movie, Three to infinity

So I was reading Lizzie McTrucker's thread on rose-colored glasses, about being perceived as a sexual object by men. To me, this is one of the most frightening aspects of being feminine. And I've always been inspired by strong women. Not what I would consider butch, but strong women who seem to radiate a feminine presence. They inspire me and I want to be that way, in some way. There's a vibe I associate with that: a tough sort of vibe that's hard to put into words. The clearest expression I have right now is I'm feminine but not weak and not in need of a man.

So that's how I feel (like a lesbian?). Trouble is, I've been gendered as a man and have the secondary sex characteristics, and don't feel a strong pull to physically transition. Or more accurately: my physical transition at this point is manual, not medical: I'm keeping my face close-shaven, putting on foundation at times, and experimenting with shaving my body. I'm uncertain, ambivalent about a medical transition.

Is there anyone here that identifies as genderqueer? Who are you? What does that label mean to you?

On the one hand, I'm not interested in labels; on the other, I think labels and categories are helpful to me as I try to process who I am in regards to gender.

Thoughts, please!

[Guest April63]

I'm not a big fan of labels, so I've kind of been avoiding labelling myself. However, recently I have been, at least thinking about, calling myself genderqueer.

I guess I feel more in the middle of the spectrum? Maybe a better way to put it would be, while I want a feminine life experience, I don't want to forsake certain aspects of my maleness.

I seem to be having writer's block about how to describe this, but it's something for which I should find a better answer. So perhaps I post a follow-up later.

April

[Guest Razilee]

I am identifying as genderqueer now, something not even in the spectrum (ultrapink?), though I do have a more extensive female wardrobe than unisex or male. I've taken to heart the Bible verse , "Do not worry about what you are to wear as the pagans do." We have the right to pursue happiness in this country, to pursue it wearing whatever makes us happier, don't we? Idealistically we do, but realistically. I have friends who know me as female, as male and those who don't know and don't care and I would want to lose any of them. I would not be too upset if my body were miraculously to become totally female or if I were trapped in a male body the rest of my life. I've gone through more labels than I can count by not and do not care much, but "genderqueer" seems close.

Love,

Raz

[Guest Charlotte J.]

Here's a piece by Sam Dylan Finch, "I Am Transgender, and I Am Trans Enough", about labels and the authenticity of being transgender. I like his perspective and relate to it quite a bit. I find this sort of thinking liberating and, for me personally, a much-needed counterpunch to the medical gatekeeping and therapy-centered approach. It's empowering.

[Guest]

Wow Charlotte that is a wonderful read. Thanks for sharing that. It is very empowering to me.

I can't say I am a labeless person, maybe multilabeled would be closer to the truth.

Due to a very young sexual awakening, I have a problem with anything with the word queer. I barely knew what sexually was and homosexuality was oblivious to me at age ten. I just knew I found (or more correctly shown) something wonderful that felt sooooo good.

When I tried to talk about I was instantly branded as "a queer" in the little backward farm town I lived in. Later only drugs alcohol and moving away freed me from that tainting. In my innocence of disclosing my new found knowledge also got me raped. Trying to get any help to overcome that only made my life unbearable as "Only queers get what they deserve!"

Naturally puberty did come and girls became magical, so I didn't miss sex with boys anyway. It totally messed me up, I could not talk about it until I found AA at age thirty five, twenty years of addiction later.

So sorry, me calling myself anything queer is off the table!

Idiots try to analyze that that caused me to be trans today. No freaking way so spare me the bovine fecal matter!

I do fit under the transgender blanket, but I found out I am in reality intersex. One of those little hermaphrodite babies they can't drown in a bucket. So they cruelly fixed me to their male demigod standards. We grow up, should shut up and love them. NOT!

Today my word bi-gender more completely fits me. In the real world that doesn't have a clue what that is, I am functionally female. That is my comfort zone which has absolutely no bearing what or how I perform in bed.

Bi-gender is yet another small schism for our even smaller group confusing the gender mix, though we are the oldest trans group. Giggle.

Twice in my life I have cried tears of joy and relief that I could check mark a box on a document "OTHER"! FINALLY, I have a way that to tell the truth about me. That option is seldom offered, so I continue with my female gender marker that is equally the lie my old male marker was.

Sorry you ask where the gas cap is and I tell you how I built the car, but it is an acetylene hot button for me. The hip modern youngsters can have their genderqueer because it's just to queer to fit me. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest Charlotte J.]

Thank you for the detailed reply, JodyAnn! I'm glad you found the essay helpful, too. I understand about "queer" being a triggering word. I'm personally kinda ambivalent about it. I think I understand the pull people feel to reclaim words; however, I haven't really been on the receiving end of that kind of hate speech. Maybe that's part of my ambivalence--it's not my place to reclaim the word "queer". That's important to consider as I think about what labels to use in coming out to people. I feel that "transgender" is pretty accurate for me, and I like "trans feminine". I'm not at the point where I'm about to come out to more conservative family members, but I imagine that when I do, "transgender" will be a more relatable (as it's in the media more) and softer label than "genderqueer". It is kinda amusing to imagine people's faces with "genderqueer": , but I don't want to make this more complicated and difficult than it already is.

[Guest]

I must admit that I feel the same way about men. When I see and hear the way that men talk about and treat women, it angers e and makes me sad.

I’ve told my wife that if I were to transition, I would be a lesbian. Frankly, I find nothing attractive about men and many if not most are rutting dogs.

Again, I agree with all this except shaving. I shave EVERYTHING except my arms. My wife likes to keep a bit of her ‘masculine guy’ (I’ve been a biker, rough kinda dude most of my life), this all has been a bit rough on her.

My understanding, that label is defined as an umbrella term meaning a person doesn’t fit the binary gender ideal. I grew up with the word queer being derogatory so that term causes me to pause a bit. However, some of the terms are so similar to others, it can be tough to say. Part of me likes my male tough-guy Harley riding kicking a$$ side while most of me loves being female. Does that make me genderqueer? I have always got along better with women, wanted to be a woman from around 6-7 years old and always seemed to think more in terms of women than men, when it comes to emotions or feelings. I don’t know if I’m 100% woman or simply mostly woman. I suspect that it will be some time before I know or at least believe what I am. As for labels, I’m an electrical engineer and labels and numbers and terms help my quantify things.

*hugs*

-Fiona

[Guest Charlotte J.]

Here's this. It's relevant: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/art/photo-essay-exploring-genderqueer-community/

[Carolyn Marie]

Those are some wonderful images. Thanks very much for posting this, Charlotte.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest]

Wow Charlotte, that is so cool! Thanks for finding that. No long winded comments from me for once. Probably because I'm savoring it and wondering how I fit in. Gendergearheadprincess? Naw that's not quite right. Hmm...

[Guest Charlotte J.]

Carolyn Marie and JodyAnn, I'm so glad you both got something positive from those photos. I'm feeling a bit off today so it's nice to share something freeing.

Can I be gendergingerbreadqueen? I just like the way it sounds.

[Guest]

Done! Be sure to add it to your signature tag lines! Giggle. Oh and let's hear you say that word backwards three times. Hug. JodyAnn