Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

purging


Guest danvis91

Recommended Posts

Guest danvis91

I have been doing some reflection and I discovered that over the course of the last 10 years, I have spent around 2500 on clothes that I have purged out at different times in my life. I have lost many nice tops and jeans. I have lost a lot of underwear too. I wish I didn't feel the guilt and the shame to purge all the time. I think I would have been happier overall and I would be able to also have something to show for that investment. How much have you purged and is there any regrets?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Unfortunately i also purged many times with guilt, the fear of being discovered, and usually with a prayer that i'd be 'cured'. I was 'cured', but instead of believing that required purging i found it was a matter of acceptance. I can't regret my earlier purges. Most of the clothing was inappropriate or ill fitting. I learned how to get sizes that fit, got past the fear of buying female clothing, and realized the desire to live as myself wasn't going away. These reevaluations were worth the price. Now when i throw things away it's because i've worn them out or they have gotten too stained working the farm. I've got low standards for a woman but higher than they were as a man. "That old rag can go!"

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment
Guest Roberta-Belinda

Danvis and Charlize like you I have purged many times and thrown away a lot of clothes that have cost me a fortune. I have been dressing up as a girl since I was 12 in 1972 but did not have the courage to buy my own clothes until I was twenty one. The first item I ever bought was a pair of fifteen denier tights from Woolworths , I wore them twice and then the guilt set in and I threw them away thinking that I would never cross dress again. Not surprisingly the feelings did not go away and within a few months I began to buy many pairs of tights at local department stores. The pattern continued I had great enjoyment wearing them but purged the lot after a few weeks. I continued to buy and purge off and on for a period of thirty years. Thankfully this all stopped in early 2011 when my wife came home unexpectedly and caught me dressed as Belinda in full skirt, blouse, tights and heels. As I had already outed myself to her ten years before it wasn't a total shock to her. I unburdened myself to her once again, although she was still not a hundred per cent accepting she understood my femme feelings to a certain degree. As a result I have not purged a single item in over four years. Although she does not approve a hundred per cent she is fully aware of my crossdressing, as a result I no longer feel any guilt. In the last four years I have had some of the best crossdressing sessions in all my years of dressing en femme.

Link to comment

I went through those cycles too, most of us do. I stashed or donated to the boxes in grocery store parking lots, sometimes a dumpster. I was trying to throw away my guilt. Or the guilt of an uptight society?

As I got more sophisticated, so did my hiding places. I would stash in a box in the attic. I would then tell family members not to go there. It's filled with black widows, creepy crawlies, rabid roof squirls, whatever. In Arizona an attic is only bare and dust as the temperature gets well over 130+ degrees Fahrenheit. Even the termites leave town.

My last invention was a secret closet undetectable behind a wall in my walk-in closet. The latch was inside a door strike plate hole. When I came out I no longer needed to hide so it was perfect for valuables. I never told the short sale new owners it was there. That bit of knowledge would have cost $70,000 more. LOL!

I will never go through that much work to make one again. I would rather sit and do my nails. Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

Link to comment
Guest danvis91

I know purging is normal and I too have learned a lot. However I regret not sellung some of it. Some things I would buy new. I wasn't about to try selling used panties or anything. But jeans and tops and skirts and bras. I still could have the purge process with out a total money loss.

Link to comment
Guest Razilee

I too have purged many times. Sometimes I just threw things away. Other times I was able to donate them. I even burned a bra once. It's good to try and thing of it all as a learning experience. Having pretty things helped me get through the dysphoria to the point of strengthening me enough to take on the challenge not having them again. I've had to give away many more books over the years than clothes. One has to keep things in perspective. ;)

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

I still use the bras and forms I bought in the Mid 80's! Women's jeans/shorts and plain tops I wear daily so, they wear out. I have a few skirts and dresses that I wear from time to time and swap out whenever I find something I like better. Right now I favour cargo skirts. I don't feel guilty. It's women who should feel guilty. Taking over men's styles whilst defending their exclusive rights to frocks and women's kit. You don't see any of them purging their jeans and sneakers!

Link to comment
Guest AshleighP

I guess we've all purged at one time or another. I do agree that a lot of the things I would buy when I first started "seriously" dressing were ill fitting or inappropriate. I choose to think that getting rid of them was a way to update my wardrobe. Styles and seasons change, so updating is not a bad thing. There is also that learning curve where you are figuring out sizes and your own individual style. Sure, there are some items that I wish I still had, but that's water under the bridge.

I do have to admit, that I still have the first 2 skirts I ever bought for myself. Neither one fits well anymore (I've lost quite a bit of weight since I bought them), but I can't seem to part with them for nostalgia reasons.

Link to comment

Danvis, most of us have been there. I'm certain that i threw away at least twice that. And of course I regret wasting that money and losing al those cute clothes.

Link to comment
Guest dani35

I'm guilty of purging on a retail store's credit account. It's just so simple ordering and collecting from the store the next day and not actually paying anything there and then. So recently I have racked up a debt of around 1500, which will take me around 6 months to pay back, but I've had lots of fun :)

Link to comment
Guest honeynocturnal

Girl, you got a problem! :)

That would be SO easy to do.

When I am in less precarious financial position I want to add a lot of things to my wardrobe. I couldn't ever see myself purging, to be honest. I'm way too much of a clothes hoarder. :)

I do remember feeling guilty about dressing when I had a girlfriend, but not guilty enough to get rid of my sparse treasures. But I would put them away for months or years and never even get them out.

I'm so happy now to have the privacy to wear whatever I want! :)

Link to comment
Guest Wendae

Many times over the last 48 years. I regret it and swore not to ever do it again. Just went thru a period were I was stuck in drab mode and the "pink fog" had lifted. The male brain kicks in and it is a struggle to not lose that fem side. After 3 months I of feeling a bit lost I finally recovered and able to Wendae again.

Link to comment

I do remember feeling guilty about dressing when I had a girlfriend, but not guilty enough to get rid of my sparse treasures.

When you're married and it turns into a large fight, and it seems to make 'her' happy that you're throwing it away. The do this over and over. It's a rather common scenario.....

-Fiona

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 96 Guests (See full list)

    • Vivelacors
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • MaryEllen
    • Ashley0616
    • Ladypcnj
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,103
    • Most Online
      8,356

    BUGFIEND
    Newest Member
    BUGFIEND
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bobbijean
      Bobbijean
    2. Bryan
      Bryan
      (61 years old)
    3. jlw5ju
      jlw5ju
      (27 years old)
    4. ladykirabellum
      ladykirabellum
      (47 years old)
    5. Lizzie17
      Lizzie17
  • Posts

    • Ladypcnj
    • Birdie
      Shopping at the mall today and helping out at Torrid I excused myself to the restroom. The manager told me the restroom at JC Penny was much closer (I normally use the family restroom in the food court).   Upon arrival I discovered that JC Penny doesn't have a family restroom, it's either or.   The men's room was occupied with customers, and me going in with large breasts, long hair, and makeup was going to cause a stir, so I opted for the woman's room instead. I was the only one in the woman's room.    Texas state law does state that your must use the restroom that matches your chromosomes, and it's a misdemeanor to not do so, but it seemed to be the best choice (I really needed to go!)  
    • Ashley0616
    • ClaireBloom
      My avatar is from a T-shirt that I am just dying to buy.  Maybe soon....
    • Lydia_R
      I had some guy grab my butt on the ship.  I don't know how "real" it was, but I did not enjoy that at all.  Also did not enjoy the hazing I saw other people going through.  One person can only do so much to stop that when there are 10 people doing it.
    • Lydia_R
      Here is a legible copy (hopefully):    
    • Lydia_R
      I pulled this out of a stack of old military mementos yesterday.  I guess I didn't realize how cool this one was because I did so much of this kind of thing back then.    
    • Lydia_R
      This internet video thing is pretty amazing.  I'd call it Zoom, but there are other platforms out there.  I prefer Zoom over Teams because Zoom puts me and everyone else in the same picture.  I like seeing the whole group in one shot.  Teams of course is about having so many people that you can't get them in the shot, or is it?   Just saying that I have never met any of my counselors in person.  Doctors, of course I have and I am lucky there.  They are 3.5 miles from my house as is the main transgender surgery place in town.  I've been doing virtual visits with the medical doctors lately though.  It feels like once I became steady state, they don't need to interact with me physically that much.  I have enjoyed going into their office in my nice clothing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I guess a lot depends on where you start and where you wanna end up.  For me, doing the "boy form" thing has come with disadvantages.  Smaller skeleton, thinner bones, and skinny/tiny everything.  I'll never be taken seriously.  I guess the advantage is that my way of blending in is just kind of confusing.  "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"    One of the biggest arguments for starting transition early in life is I think it gives a person a greater ability to pass.  My two MtF friends started early, and pass really well.  They never got to the larger bone structure, beard, deep voice stuff.  Me being intersex (which is more complicated) and not getting around to "boy form" until my 30's, my body size and features were pretty much set in stone.      You're lucky.  Some folks pay all that and more, even AFTER insurance.  One of my friends faced the choice last year - pay for her final year of college or pay for her meds.  She's taken a year off from college to work and save up money to finish.    My medical expenses have been more injury-related than therapy or medication   The state covered some of it with a fund for crime victims, insurance covered a lot, but there's ended up being a few thousand dollars spent out-of-pocket since 2022 to put me back together again.  I've never found a decent therapist, but my husband has a psych degree among other things, so I figure talking with him is almost as good.  I do have a good doctor, although I have to drive a long way to a big city to see her.  Mostly she takes a basic look at me, and writes another year's prescription.  Since I'm non-op and only using testosterone cream for a localized effect, its pretty simple stuff. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm a tracker and I've paid for 100% of my transition costs out of pocket.  Counseling was a huge, huge part of my transition and well worth my money.  Not to be uppity about all of this.  I'm just sharing information I have because I have it and it may be useful for others.  Here is my analysis of my spending on transition over the last 2.5 years:   Medical Doctors and Blood Draws: $2,397 Counseling: $3,800 Medications (brand name): $2,702.85 Medications (generic): $485.39 Total: $9,385.24   I picked up on the internet early in transition that transition is a consumer activity.  I tend to agree with that.   This year (Jan - May 18th, 2024), I've spent: Medical Doctors: $102 Medications: $241.52 Total: $343.52   So I'm on a much more sustainable path with it.  I'm pretty happy with where I am with it, although I do still desire surgery and am nervous about how that will all unfold.  But my doctors have me on this steady state thing.  I could seek out other medications, but what I'm doing is good enough.  Oh, I'm missing something....  I did a bunch of electrolysis that didn't appear to have any effect.  I've always enjoyed shaving and I use pink shaving cream now (I've got some lipstick blond in me).  It's good enough.  Not sure if I'll do electro or laser in the future.  The need to shave my body has become less and less.  Before HRT, I was shaving my body weekly or even every 5 days.  Now it is more like 2-3 weeks.  Everyone's body hair is different.  My beard is very coarse and stiff while my body hair has been somewhat minimal and light.  It's nice to have smooth legs and not have to shave as much.   Counseling was $200/session.  I tried one or two counselors before I found one who resonated with where I really was.  When I was prescribed HRT, I didn't fill the prescription until 4 months later.  I had to take some time to decide that I really wanted to take on that lifetime financial commitment.  And of course the possibly negative health consequences too, but I think I was actually thinking more about the finances of it all.  Maybe 51%.   I did a lot of work to revitalize my career before jumping into medical transition.  I started counseling 3 months before I got the best paying job of my life.  The pressure of wanting to transition was so great that I couldn't wait any longer.  She was coming out.  Even though I had very little money, I splurged on some nice dresses and a full length mirror and then started counseling.  Sometimes you just have to move forward and hope for the best.  Other times it is better to wait and do some hard work.  The grace of it all..
    • Ivy
      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...