Miss Unpopular

[Guest dani35]

I have been a member of certain social media sites and a user of messaging apps for a long time. I work a very lonely job at night and chat to a lot of these girl friends while I'm there. Some of them I have chat to for a few years, but never met any of them. None of them knew about Dani, I'd always kept it secret. Not even family or personal friends know.

Around a month ago, I booked in to a hotel, dressed up as Dani and took lots of pictures. I was fairly pleased with the results and wanted to show someone. I plucked up the courage and set my profile picture as Dani on each site.

Although most were shocked, I was delighted with the response I received from my online friends. A few were supportive and offered me lots of advice regarding fashion and make-up. Some were fine with it but didn't show a lot of enthusiasm and the rest just brushed it under the carpet as quickly as they could.

In the last couple of weeks, these people have not been as talkative as they usually are. Whenever I mention anything remotely girly, they seem short with their replies or they swiftly change the subject.

I'm really disappointed that I found the courage to open up to people, after years of hiding my cross-dressing, just for it all to fall flat and feel like there is a virtual elephant in the chat-room.

If anything, it has made me more determined not to confide in anyone else ever again.

[Guest]

I have been a member of certain social media sites and a user of messaging apps for a long time. I work a very lonely job at night and chat to a lot of these girl friends while I'm there.

A few were supportive and offered me lots of advice regarding fashion and make-up. Some were fine with it but didn't show a lot of enthusiasm and the rest just brushed it under the carpet as quickly as they could.

In the last couple of weeks, these people have not been as talkative as they usually are. Whenever I mention anything remotely girly, they seem short with their replies or they swiftly change the subject.

I'm really disappointed that I found the courage to open up to people, after years of hiding my cross-dressing, just for it all to fall flat and feel like there is a virtual elephant in the chat-room.

If anything, it has made me more determined not to confide in anyone else ever again.

Your last statement may be in a totally wrong direction. In some ways it is a successful first start. It is online so unless someone is stalking you, it may be a safe environment to test the waters.

Women may be more accepting than men, but far more sensitive and cautious. I think right now you may not have pegged their creep meters, but you are on the radar. Your actions past this will decide their comfort. Right now they are uncomfortable because you just blew their male mental image of you right out of the water.

I have much more difficulty with women that know both of past and present, than women that know JodyAnn the girl yet know my stories from me about my past. The former group has to erase a lot of information to get to reality. Some couldn't do that, so Ta Ta to them.

You need to be yourself and be fairly consistent until they can adjust enough to get curious, do a little research and digest that information. If you don't act overly hurt, get insulting and act off the wall you may be fine with them. The old saying "Time takes time."

If you want to identify as an accepted female you must pay your own painful dues. When you can empathize with them, let's say wear their shoes, some may treat you as a loved little sister. It's not "I think, therefore I am." More like "maybe I am, therefore I think like you think, I think" and let it go from there. When your brain goes girl the results may blow your mind! You will probably be OK, just go slow. Hug. JodyAnn

[tracy_j]

JodyAnn has it there!

Take it easy, just be friendly and give them time. With most things will slowly recover

Don't worry!

Tracy

[Guest dani35]

Thanks for the reply JodyAnn. Everything you have just said makes so much sense.

Part of me wondered whether they would be freaked out by my admission and maybe think I am some sick pervert.

I admit that a lot of these online friendships were stemmed from romantic interest from both sides. I have always said "Let's chat and see where it goes", so maybe (without sounding egotistical) they clung on to see if anything more would happen and now their interest has diminished now that they know I am a cross-dresser.

I think I may have had false hope that one of these friends would treat me like a sister or a new best girl friend that they would want to spend time with.

I also got a little p'd off that a bisexual friend of mine was pretty dismissive of my confession too. I always thought bisexual women would be more accepting than straight females.

Thanks Tracy, I guess I will just bide my time and hopefully one day they will properly accept me for who I am.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I say give it time and watch where the cards fall. Some people need time to adjust, because this is a period of adjustment for them. Some people will be supportive from the start, many need time to deal with this new information, others will simply fade away or remove themselves from your life.

[Charlize]

i've only found a few women who really wanted to help. I'm met many who offer friendship but even if i were interested in romance they certainly were not. Most folks simply do not understand, nor do they want to take the effort. One appears to have only two options. Continue to be open and honest or hide. I have grown to believe that the former is the best path in the long run for many reasons. Many of your on line friends may continue to stay friends but those who leave may well not have been the "right" person in any case. And if your lucky you might find that wonderful soul who can support and understand.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Beverly]

I'd like you to know you are awesome! From the signs of an aching heart over these issues, it's clear there is a path for you to recover from pain. I had noted how pretty you are from your photos, but I'd also like to point out how attractive you are from your words. You see, I believe a softened heart bears more truth and humility (which is indeed a welcome quality in this present age.) From this conversation, I see one who'll rise from the ruble.

Might you enjoy a prayerful life? He listens more intently than you'll ever know...

[Guest honeynocturnal]

I am wondering what the response will be from my female friends when I unveil (which will be soon). I am a little worried that I have played the straight guy all this time and that it will be a lot for them to wrap their heads around my true nature.

I am starting to understand how by hiding, these relationships have become more complex...

Be patient and let them adjust at their own pace.

[Guest Amanda M]

I'm not sure what you expected - but you have obviousy been hurt and disappointed Rotten really - but in truth this is just the start of a whole stream of similar events.

Do NOT give up. Every time, it will get better, There are folks out there who simply cannot get their heads around this - but most will, in time.

Most important. This is about YOU. Not them. Stay strong, remind yourself of your God given right to present as you choose. Those who cannot accept that are the ones whoe are going to lose. Not you.

Big hug, Amanda

[Guest honeynocturnal]

Well said, Amanda.

[Guest Charlotte J.]

It's awkward, isn't it? The only person I've come out to is my wife, and she has been nothing but 100% supportive. But it's still weird. And although our situations are all different, I think this is something that all trans* people have in common: the social landscape becomes much more complex and forbidding once we've come out to even one person.

I appreciate all the folks who have emphasized the importance of being true to ourselves. I think that's absolutely... er, true. I've been struggling a bit over the past few days over the difficulty of allowing myself to be me. And that's just messed up. No one should need permission to be who they are, yet here we are, a whole lot of trans* folk who struggle against social stigma and our own fears in our efforts to just freakin' live our lives as the people we are.

I could go off on this for a while and get kinda angry about it, because we're all told from an early age--in 'Merica, at least--that we can be anything or anyone we want to be. But the minute you step up and say, "Hi. I want to be a different gender," or, more truthfully, "I am a different gender", people blink.

I could go off on that for a while, but it's a tangent I'll leave dangilng. I'd rather preserve my mood.

[MarcieMarie12]

Yeah, insert guilt for reason X here....., I still sometimes feel selfish for crossdressing. Only part of the shame I still feel. I'm done with the reigious guilt thing, or the be a man trope. I just want to be me and that would include wearing a skirt or dress from time to time to feel feminine. Why do I need to feel feminine--I don't really know but I do, it's part of me.

[Guest honeynocturnal]

I just came out to a coworker the day before yesterday. I was very sure that she would be able to handle it, and she did not disappoint. She was very understanding and supportive.

There will be many more soon.

I have come to realize over the last couple of years that all of my closest friends are female. Finally I understand why!

It is a relief to think I will finally be able to be honest with these wonderful people who grace my life.

Even if they aren't able to deal with it and shut down, at least I will be true.