How Do I Ask My Mom?

[Guest Pól_Eire]

One thing that I found to be helpful whenever I wanted something from my parents (though it hasn't worked since I came out to them as trans) is to wait until they have free time. My parents were always really busy and if you asked them for something when they didn't have time, they'd say yes and then it would never happen and they'd have no idea they'd agreed to anything. Wait until she has a little time and isn't really upset about anything. You could try even being especially helpful for a few days before you ask. Try to anticipate what she'll ask you for or what she'll want you to do over the next few days and do that. Try to make it so that the only reason she'd have to say 'no' is because she has an issue with what you're asking for, not with anything else you've done over the last few days.

Is that manipulative? Probably. But like they say, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so maximize your honey, so to speak.

The other thing is, she might be in a bad mood today, but it may be different tomorrow. If you see an opening, take it, but otherwise, seeing a gender therapist is a good idea as a long-term solution.

-Pól

[Guest Raging Shadow]

yea i didn't ask today. she introed me as her "daughter" but the haircut person asked me what i wanted and din't feminize it at all. so overall it went well i'll change my profile pic soon so you guys/gals can see

[Sally]

But like they say, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so maximize your honey, so to speak.

In the words of Woody Boyd on Cheers, "That's not really true, you can catch more flies with a dead squirrel but I don't know why you want to catch flies anyway."

yea i didn't ask today. she introed me as her "daughter" but the haircut person asked me what i wanted and din't feminize it at all. so overall it went well i'll change my profile pic soon so you guys/gals can see

That's OK, you got your haircut just the way you wanted and you avoided a confrontation with your mother.

Congratulations,

Sally

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Well, at least you got a haircut you liked. I'm sorry that she called you her "daughter" though -- believe me, I feel your pain.

-Pól

[Guest Raging Shadow]

not such a great day today. i have a band festival on Thursday. i like band except for festival. ACSI requires girls to wear skirts. i could wear pants if i had a drumset part but, alas, i do not. so i practicly had a panic attack when the teacher said this. so i don't think i'll do band again next year. i want to but i get stressed easily enough as it is. last time i had honor band which also requires a skirt, i think i uncounsiouly made myself ill. so many things i'd like to say to the guy who made up the stupid skirt rule. *mutters horrible language at fellow* ahg. anyone got stories when they had to wear the dreaded skirt/dress?

[Guest MrAwesome]

GRRR I always HATED when my mom did that. Maybe you need to wait till she's in a good mood, sit down, and tell her how you feel when she calls you that, and ask her please PLEASE not to call you that. And I think you should have totally gone for shorter ;P

[Guest Cody_T]

I don't have a story... I have a saga. It goes every wednesday of high school. At least for the first three years I was in major denial and didn't mind all the time, but this year has been pure torture. I would have fought it this year, had my parents not been so militantly opposed to me doing anything of the sort. I've changed into pants after mass pretty often in the past (because you only have to wear the skirt for first period and mass), but all of a sudden even that was too much for my mom, once she found out that I'm trans. So I either wore basketball shorts under my skirt, or would just change and then remember to change back after school. My mom is so paranoid about it too. One day I forgot my change of pants, but obviously I took the skirt off when I got home. Then she comes in like ten minutes later and asks if I changed again and mentioned how "we've talked" about how I'm "not going to do that anymore." Painfulll. But, there's a happy ending- I get out of two wednesdays for AP tests, so I only have to do this two more times!

What you can do to help... wear boxers, and if possible athletic shorts, underneath. This will help with both the feeling of wearing a skirt and the possibility that you're like me and fail at sitting well in them. Additionally, clothes are not innately gendered; if you don't let it bother you, it's easier.