How Do I Ask My Mom?

[Sally]

PRO CON

go to another country Great! sleep with girls Not your idea of a good time

be with my buds Sounds like fun use girls restroom really not too good

build a building That's pretty cool minister Not very comfortable with this?

have a week off school Even cooler pay $700 A lot of money

not have to do a make up project Yeah! possibly be stuck there during 'that time' Yikes!

all in all I don't know. i really want to go but when i'm forced to wear a skirt or dress for band festival (i a drummer) I have panic attacks and niightmares for months on end. last time when I was buying a new skirt, I saw myself in the mirror and had such a bad attack I turned blue. Imagine that you are the drummer in a Scottish Bagpipe band and it isn't a skirt it's your Kilt and they are very manly!

So idk what sleeping with a bunch of girls will do to me. I don't know how to handle that - I'm out of ideas - I'll work on it!

Any advice??

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest MrAwesome]

yup, my theripist has called several times with info. my mom said we can look at binders. i'll probably get the double compression shirt at underworks. so i'm pretty hyped. my neighbor goes to a sorta new age/open church that has a pflag group. so my mom is looking into that. so i think until feb of 2010 everything will be good. in feb though, my class goes to mexico and we get girls and boys dormitories. so i'm not shure if i'll go or not. any advice? btw, I cannot by anymeans tell my school ANYTHING. they're a VERY strict christian school and they'd probably chase me out with pitchforks for being a work of the devil or something. ah, such pleasant thoughts... anyways thanks for everything!!

Find a new school. I'll say it now, I'll say it as many times as I need to. Find a new school, that is okay with trans people. Get your therapist to write a note for the school that you're living as a guy.

and for STPs, I was thinking about it, if you get a 3 1/2 inch packer or stp (You can put holes in packers with hot screwdrivers) and just get some smaller tubing for it, maybe it can pass. might have to cut off the testicles though they're huge ;( I'm not sure if you're a bigger person or not, I'm big and can get away with it probably. Start working out, do push ups, sit ups, whatever you have around the house to do. If you can get some exercise bands, you can do stuff with them to work your shoulders, I do it for physical therapy and my muscles in a month have gotten bigger and stronger, and I wasn't even taking any protein or anything. I'll post a thing about shoulder exercises in my FTM guide blog tonight, http://lewsftmguide.blogspot.com/ Check it out. Eat well, get lots of protein, and get bigger. So you can look bigger down there! o.o

[Guest DanM]

Hi Colton Welcome to the group I am new to but have found this a very good site for support and they also offer forums for family members in case your mom might want check it out as well. Glad your mom has come around to at least look at binders with you thats a big start there. Good luck and remember it will take your parents time to deal with the changes it won't happen over night I can garrantee that.

[Guest MrAwesome]

Ya' know I look forward to more of your posts XP *cough* hint *cough*

[Guest Raging Shadow]

Ya' know I look forward to more of your posts XP *cough* hint *cough*

oh sorry!! was very busy!

anyways... ordered an underworks binder and it shold come soon (i hope) um... looking into theripist people, sorta. um thats about it really. on a completly unrelated note i just got a pair of rats. i've had pet rats for about 4 years. i got 2 girls, Seira and Willow. so that's pretty cool. um...um... yea, i can;t think of anything else. oh ,MrAwsome, congratz about the endo appointment *eyes glaze over thinking about what my first endo appointment will be like*

bye!

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Colton,

Rats, eh? I can't say I've ever honestly wanted rats, but that's coolaboola for you, I suppose, if you wanted them. Why would you want rats for pets, anyway?

Lewis,

For the love of God, give the guy a break! He's a lot of stuff to take care of (as we know 'cause he told us). I did laugh when I saw your post though.

-Pól

[Guest Raging Shadow]

Colton,

Rats, eh? I can't say I've ever honestly wanted rats, but that's coolaboola for you, I suppose, if you wanted them. Why would you want rats for pets, anyway?

Lewis,

For the love of God, give the guy a break! He's a lot of stuff to take care of (as we know 'cause he told us). I did laugh when I saw your post though.

-Pól

i've had rats since i was 8 and they make great pets. not the wild rats that are in your attic but the kind that you see in pet shops. i normally get them from a breeder but i got em from petco this time. they're socilizing nicly now. when i first got them they were terrified of humans. i just put a running wheel in their cage and god, it was 2 in the morning and it was squeaking away.

on another note, my binder came and it works great. i can actually breathe. YES! oh and i discovered the humor of Will and Grace. anyone watch it? i think that Jack is the best charactor. i was rolling on the floor laughing the other day watching it.

gotta go!

have a good one!!

[Guest MrAwesome]

Congratz on the binder, I assume you're not 200lbs like I am, mine is hard as heck to get on however with this undershirt I'm wearing really helps with it. It's a good think that you can breath okay with it, I do find if you wear it long amounts of time it gets difficult to breath, and it can make you feel sick. Remember to take it off before bed though. The past few days I haven't been able to take mine off. (because I need my mom's help most the time to get it on.)

I also must recommend these shirts I got at walmart, they're 100% organic cotton they feel really reaaaallllyyy good. They're for Earth month o.0 they have some really cool designs on. LOL

[Sally]

i just put a running wheel in their cage and god, it was 2 in the morning and it was squeaking away.

And that's why they call it a rat race - they just never stop running!

This is a little off topic but I tought that it might be interesting to those who either love or hate rats.

In Hawaii, they have no snakes (except in zoos) but they do have rats, all sea ports do.

With no snakes the rats have the run of the islands, eating chicken eggs and the heart of the palm trees (that's why you see the metal bands stapled around a palm tree - the rats cant get over it to eat the heart of the tree and kill it)

A Portugese friend of mine told me that this is the reason that Portugese are not one of the favorite minorities in the islands - it was a Portugese man who decided on the best way to deal with the rats, he searched the world for a preditor that would control the rats - no snakes was the only ristriction.

When he saw a mongoose killing a Cobra he said to himself - the solution Mongoose!

So they were brough to the islands - don't get ahead of me Colton, I'll explain the problem to the others - Rats are nocturnal and mogoose hunt by day, all of these years in the islands multiplying and eating chicken eggs and the mongoose and the rat have never even seen each other!

We need to be very careful when we mess with nature - so see your doctor for hormones - there I tied it into a trans topic!

Ta - Da!

Love you guys,

Sally

[Guest Raging Shadow]

so today i went to the POLY open house. i've emailed the principal several times on how i'd be accepted. i'd ask ed if all the classes were co-ed. she saud yes. i was looking at the school map and it said Boys P.E. and Girls P.E. she LIED!!! AGGGGGHHHH!!! and i got called "she" and "daughter" almost 20 times!! and i really want to join the JROTC but i saw that the guys and girls uniforms are different. so i don't know if its worth it. opinions?

[Sally]

You will find that most principals view 'classes' as academics and P.E. and fine arts don't really cross their minds.

So she didn't lie, she just omitted because 'everybody knows that', we do it all of the time - that's why we get so angry when no one understands transgendered - we know, why don't they?

As to the JROTC, if you like that program and want to go in, don't let the uniforms stop you - in certain British brigades kilts are part of the dress uniform as in Scotland.

But do remember that the military is not terribly trans friendly and I doubt that the JROTC is mauch different.

But like everything in life, the choice is yours, just conceder both sides and decide for yourself.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Couldn't have put it better than Sally did.

If you're looking to change schools, is there one you can go to where you can be treated as a guy at school, or one where it would be OK to be out and trans? Once you're changing schools, you might as well look for an ideal situation.

-Pól

[Guest Elizabeth K]

ROTC?

I wasn't in it in school but did four years in college. It ain't easy!! And the military is kinda tough on anyone 'different' and wants to have everyone turn out to be exactly the same. Be careful

Lizzy

[Guest Cody_T]

If you were looking at the map, they were probably referring to the locker rooms. That's how it was at my middle school... PE was still coed, just not where we changed.

[Sally]

If you were looking at the map, they were probably referring to the locker rooms. That's how it was at my middle school... PE was still coed, just not where we changed.

Time for old folk reminiscing,

When I was in school back at Bedrock High with Pebbles and Bam-Bam we practically had armed gaurds keeping the boys and girls separated during PE.

In Junior High they were separated after lunch - boys to the North side of the building and girls to the South.

It was very weird for me - I needed to be on the South Side but I was stuck on the North.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Raging Shadow]

i was thinking at school today that maybe i should come out as trans in high school. i mean, 13 years in the closet was torture so out can't be much worse. and anyways, if i was totally rejected, it's only four years. so...

and i think i will join JROTC. it looks fun and it might be the only taste of the military i will every get. oh well, still got 1 year till high school to consider everything.

anyways, i got flyers for band festival today. it said that at the festival where i would normally wear a skirt, we were doing jazz and concert. if we do jazz, i don't wear pants!! YEA!!! so i might get out of wsearing a skirt yet!! *is very hopeful*

[Sally]

I'm old and might know this already but, I don't remember if you ever told me what instrument do you play?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Raging Shadow]

I'm old and might know this already but, I don't remember if you ever told me what instrument do you play?

Love ya,

Sally

i play the drums. and ya can't play drumset with a skirt. i remember that the first time i showed up in pants for a concert, i got a lot of grief from the girls. after about 4 more concerts with me in pants, they kinda got used to it and now they just make jokes. oh well, in the end, they're in skirts and i'm not.

[Guest Pól_Eire]

if you think you can handle being out in high school, more power to you. be careful and take care of yourself -- be real cautious about where you go alone like. i've said this before, but i'll say it again. it's good to be thinking about all this stuff in advance, but don't let it overwhelm you.

hmm...lot of jazz musicians on this forum. i play jazz too (the musical i'm playing for right now makes me feel like i've been consigned to hell, but i'll play pretty much anything if it gets me paid ).

-Pól

[Guest CharlieRose]

I seriously considered coming out in high school, I think it can vary a lot, though.

I came out to my friends, first. They ranged from incredibly supportive to supportive but slightly confused. That was when I was a junior. During senior year, this year, I've been telling people as it comes up. Like, if there's a conversation about a guy-related thing, I might say, "Well, as a guy, well, someone who just figured out they were a guy, I would say this..." No one's given me grief. But these are seniors, honors students. (I don't know if it's a stereotype or whatever, but the honors kids at my school are cpnsiderably more open-minded, respectful and otherwise mature compared to the rest of the school.) I don't know how much the immaturity of freshmen would factor in. I also have a very low-key personality; I don't antagonize in the least, so people generally just don't notice me at all.

I've been mistaken for a bio-guy by various people, but, again, even when they realize they're wrong they're just like, "Oh, sorry." No ridicule. My school's fairly liberal, but also fairly... friendly, I guess. We have like, one fight every other year. People don't get beat up here.

So, if my situation's anything like yours, I would say go for it. If you're confident and friendly, people probably won't mess with you. You should still prepare yourself for the worst, though, and make sure you're able to stand up for yourself. I probably would have been too shy to do it when I was 14, (not that I knew then) but it's amazing how much courage you can drum up from being trans-frustrated to the point of desperation. Being trans has made me a lot more assertive and comfortable with... being me and being okay with it even if others aren't. If you think you can do it, do it. Your mom might be uneasy about it, though. (That was one of the reasons I haven't officially started transitioning in school. Most people I know know about me, but my therapist and parents were worried I wouldn't be able to handle the ridicule and harassment that might come with it and put their foot down when I suggested telling people.)

[Guest Raging Shadow]

thanks for all the advice!

anyways, tomarrow i'm getting a much needed hair cut. i'm going to a new place. i'm wondering if i should ask my mom to intro me as male and use male pronouns. i want a true guy cut and i know if barbers know you're female they can't seem to resist giving you that little touch that makes your hair look female. opinions?

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Yes. Ask your mom if she would feel comfortable doing that. It will make a difference in how the barber cuts your hair, but it'll also make a big difference in your experience at the barber.

-Pól

[Sally]

Sounds like things are moving right along.

If you want a true man's hair cut then yes it would be best if the barber thought of you as male.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Raging Shadow]

well, i'm not sure. my mom's not in a brillient mood today. and i don't want to go too fast. i really want to go as male but from past experience with my mom if i move to fast on something she just sorta shuts down. so i dunno. i really want to be a guy today but i'm just not sure. i probably won't. maybe i should let things stay as they are and wait till i see a gender theripist. he/she might have some good ideas on how to apporach her. opinions?

[Sally]

That is probably the best idea - see the therapist first and it should help avoid any confrontation.

You should trust your instincts - they are pretty good and you are the only one there to determine your mother's mood.

Be happy and pleasant and you can get a lot further than you can if you always argue.

Diplomacy is your friend.

Love ya,

Sally