Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

What If You Don’t Blend In?


Guest Zenda

Recommended Posts

Guest Zenda

Kia Ora,

I did post something in the female to male section and Lizzy suggested I do something similar for the male to female…

:rolleyes: I use the term ‘passing’ to describe the situation- so please don’t get all philosophical on me regarding this term-it only used to make a point…If you like you can use another term for example- assimilate, blend in, slot in, etc…Whatever takes your fancy…

I often wonder how I would have coped if I had to run society’s gender gauntlet, but then I see other women who are trans-‘identifiable’ and they seem to cope just fine…

Sometimes acceptance by friends, family, local community and work is good enough as ‘passing’, because those that matter are comfortable with who you are no matter how you look…

Obtaining a ‘peace of mind’ is something that we all strive for, but what price are you prepared to pay for this –The loss of family, friends, work…The possibility of having to run society’s gauntlet???

Now if you felt that you would never fully ‘pass’ in society as your preferred gender, would you still go a head with HRT and transitioning? Hrt are may calm the anxious mind but not necessarily change the minds of society...

'fully [/b]pass' because gender is in the eye of the beholder - 'we don't always see eye to eye' -some people see 'just' a female other's see a trans-female-So in a sense there's really no such thing as never 'passing']

A lot I guess, would depend on where one lives as to how 'accepted' into the community they are...

It’s a question that we all have or must ask ourselves…

Metta Jendar

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Jendar,

For me the answer is simple. I have no choice, but to risk rejection, and not "blending". With that being said, I have been careful not to be too flamboyant in certain contexts, and not to be too aggressive in "coming" out. Additionally, I have been fortunate to experiance "passing" at various times. I am very hopeful!! As I tried to say in your FTM question, my point was this... There are many people who can easily pass for the non-birth gender and not pass that well as their birth gender, and these people are not transgendered. Regardless, these people are satisfied with who they are and lead productive lives as their birth gender. So, in view of that, if I am totally accepted as female 100% of the time or only 50% of the time is irrelevant. I just don't want to pass as male 100% of the time!!!

bernie

Link to comment
Guest Little Sara
Now if you felt that you would never fully ‘pass’ in society as your preferred gender, would you still go a head with HRT and transitioning? Hrt are may calm the anxious mind but not necessarily change the minds of society...

This might seem bad, but if I was convinced, after years of hormones, of the impossibility of ever passing, I would no doubt suicide. Everyone thinks they won't pass pre-HRT though. I would not have judged HRT or not based on that.

I would see no point in living if the basicness of my being was constantly denied.

I don't mind being seen as weird, as unique, as whatever else, but not male.

Link to comment
Guest N. Jane

That's a really tough question.

My RLT (if you want to call it that) was in my teens in the 1960's, so I knew I passed pretty well. At transition/SRS in 1974, it never occurred to me that I might not pass. I knew I was a girl inside and I was then a girl outside so what's not to pass?

If after all these years I was being mistaken for a man, it would be very annoying but I also have enough background to KNOW what I am and to be unshakable in that.

If I hadn't transitioned when I did, I would have been dead anyway so I suppose I would transition and learn to live in whatever realm that left me.

Link to comment

This will sound very strange coming from someone who is moving so slowly and over thinking every move - writing all kinds of posts on how to pass and all of that - but I would and will definately transition regardless of 'passability' or not!

What?

That's right, I don't care if I pass or not - I have lifed my entire life being somebody else - I will not spend the rest of my life trying to be somebody else to make aociety happy - I'm the one that counts!

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest April63

I'm not sure if I would try to transition. I think it might be better to appear as a male, than risk being somewhere in between male and female. It would sure be a lot easier getting things done if I was perceived as a "freak".

April

Link to comment
Guest Sofiadragon

I am going to be starting on HRT soon & the topic that you mentioned here "passing" has always been something that is on my mind & recently I figured out why for me it isn't fear of how it will affect me it is fear of how I will affect socioty & once I realized that all of my fears went away, I don't know if that is along the lines of waht you were talking about or not but I am just throwing in my 2 cents.

Link to comment
Guest julia_d

I think a lot of us have no option but to "suck it and see" .. It's impossible to transition and hide.. I generally only get trouble if I try to come across male.. it doesn't work any more.. I forgot how to do it *grins*

Went out for smokes after 9 last night.. red dress and hair and nobody batted an eyelid at me.. even carrying a beer.

Link to comment
Guest OneOutOfnOne

If I don't blend in? Makes no difference to me. I have friends who know and accept me. Society already rejects me on grounds other than my gender identity.

Link to comment
Guest angie

Obtaining a ‘peace of mind’ is something that we all strive for, but what price are you prepared to pay for this –The loss of family, friends, work…The possibility of having to run society’s gauntlet???

It’s a question that we all have or must ask ourselves…

Metta Jendar

When this journey started six years ago,April the fifth of 2003,there was no way I could fathom the

changes that would happen once I started the physical transition with HRT.It has been the most

rewarding,yet physically,emotionally painful thing I have ever wished upon myself of my own free will.I found an inner courage to step out my door every single day as a woman.Do I (pass)?Easily.

But it is more a matter of a certainty that I Am A Woman.Than any physical changes.Sure my body

has morphed into a more natal womans shape.It sure hasn't helped my face any,that frustratingly,

hasn't changed much at all.But I am addressed in the feminine always,and have been for many

months.I have girlfriends up to six foot three,that successfully live life daily as a woman also.

There is great truth in,If you act like you belong,you do.Pure and simple,you do.

If I had let all my doubts and insecurities get in my way,I would not be the woman I am today.

It's not if you can/will pass.It is if you are a man or woman,and know it in your heart of hearts,

nothing but nothing will get in your way,no matter the obstacle.Weither you(pass)or not...Truth

Angelique Michelle-Angie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 124 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • missyjo
    • KathyLauren
    • Willow
    • AllieJ
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,058
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Aleksandria
    Newest Member
    Aleksandria
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good morning    woke up to some light rain this morning.  Maybe I should run out with a giant umbrella to cover the car.   Ha ha ha.     I’ve had really nice cars before but never something like this.     @KymmieL I hope you got to go on your ride. Back when I had my Harley we went out for a ride almost every weekend. We would head either SW down the Shenandoah Valley or Skyline Drive which danced along the tops of the Mountains or we would head west into West Virginia and just travel along until it was time to find our way home.   occasionally I wish I still had a bike but I usually quickly for get that. The only thing I ever wanted as a young person that I never had was a late 50s vette.      
    • April Marie
      I admit to wearing make-up. Actually, I'll admit to enjoying wearing make-up. For me, it's been part of learning about myself as a woman and finding a style and look that reflects my personality.    Sometimes, it will just be a bit of mascara and a touch of lipstick. But, most often I wear foundation with setting powder, gel eyeliner, mascara, a little blush on my cheek line and lipstick. I also use an eyebrow pencil to darken my brows a bit.  Infrequently, I will add some eye shadow.   Most of my make-up is from Mary Kay although my lipsticks or from various manufacturers and eyeliners are mostly Maybelline. My wife purchases most of her make-up from Mary Kay and so we order together from our local representative. Of course, I don't have much brand experience but I'm happy with the Mary Kay products and find myself transitioning almost entirely to their line of make-up.
    • KathyLauren
      I did early on, out of necessity.  Regardless of how close you shave, beard shadow shows through.  I just used a bit of foundation, setting powder and blush.    I didn't use much eye makeup.  I started out with a bit of eye liner, but I thought it gave me a "trying too hard" look.  So I mostly didn't use any.   With covid and masking, I stopped using makeup altogether.  Why bother when no one can see your face and the mask smears the makeup anyway?   When restrictions were lifted, I didn't go back to wearing makeup.  My face feminized quite nicely over the first few years of HRT.  I'll never be pretty, but I look more female than male.  (Or I like to tell myself that anyway.)  With several years of electrolysis, and with what facial hair remains turning white, I don't have much beard shadow, so there is nothing to cover up.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you use make-up? If so, why and what  types?
    • Heather Shay
      Pride is primarily about yourself, even when it is not you who did something that you are proud about. You can also be proud of something someone else did, who you associate with, such as your children or your favorite football team. People can feel proud of their culture, their family name, or their appearance, none of which require them to actively contribute to the praiseworthy thing1. However, the opinions of others are of crucial importance, as best demonstrated when you purposefully do something that other people praise. Pride is a social emotion, and to feel proud, you need other people’s (real or imagined) confirmation that you have a reason to feel that way. Because of this, other people can also ‘be in your head’ and prevent you from feeling pride. Namely, what is praiseworthy is subjective. Things that may be considered good in a certain (cultural) group may not be praiseworthy in another (e.g., if you grew up in a family that greatly values academics, your athletic abilities may not evoke much praise). Moreover, what is praiseworthy is relative (e.g., if you are a good runner in an athletically average school, you may regularly feel proud about your times; but if you move to a school with highly competent athletes, these same times may seem unremarkable to you). Thus, the more exclusive your quality is in your surroundings, the prouder you feel. Pride has recognizable features. Although its static facial expression (typically a smile or laugh) does not clearly distinguish it from other positive emotions, it typically results in a bodily posture, gestures, and behavior that are clearly recognizable: lifting your chin, looking people in the eye, walking confidently, or in extreme cases, raising arms above your head. In a way, you try to make yourself larger and more noticeable, as if to say: ‘look at me!’ You may also exhibit more perseverance in your activities2. People generally find it very pleasant to experience pride, as it elevates our feeling of social self-worth and status3. At the same time, many social groups, religions, and cultures (especially those that are highly collectivistic, such as the East Asian or African culture) believe that pride needs to be checked. Unchecked pride leads to arrogance and misplaced feelings of superiority (‘letting something get to your head’, ‘hubris comes before the fall’), and social groups typically do not tolerate members feeling like they are superior or deserve special treatment.  
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Thank you @missyjo! You do wonders for my ego.   It turns out that pastel colors were the "thing" at Kentucky Derby Day so my dress was perfect. I went with white 5" heeled sandals and a wide-brimmed fuscia hat. Dinner and Mint Juleps added to the fun of watching the (recorded) festivities and races.   Perhaps, we'll repeat it for the Preakness in 2 weeks.   Right now it's just blue striped sleep shorts with pink flowers, a pink t-shirt and flip flops. I can't tell you how much wearing  sleep-rated breast forms at night has done to quell my dysphoria. 
    • April Marie
      I can still rock 5" heels.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!   My wife and I had our yearly Kentucky Derby Day evening. Dresses, heels, hats, Mint Juleps and a light dinner while watching the festivities and races. Relaxing and fun. I think we'll do the same for the Preakness in two weeks.   It's rainy and cool here today so it's pretty much going to keep me indoors. Ahh, well. A day of rest.   Enjoy and be safe!!
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...