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What If You Don’t Blend In?


Guest Zenda

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Guest Zenda

Kia Ora,

I did post something in the female to male section and Lizzy suggested I do something similar for the male to female…

:rolleyes: I use the term ‘passing’ to describe the situation- so please don’t get all philosophical on me regarding this term-it only used to make a point…If you like you can use another term for example- assimilate, blend in, slot in, etc…Whatever takes your fancy…

I often wonder how I would have coped if I had to run society’s gender gauntlet, but then I see other women who are trans-‘identifiable’ and they seem to cope just fine…

Sometimes acceptance by friends, family, local community and work is good enough as ‘passing’, because those that matter are comfortable with who you are no matter how you look…

Obtaining a ‘peace of mind’ is something that we all strive for, but what price are you prepared to pay for this –The loss of family, friends, work…The possibility of having to run society’s gauntlet???

Now if you felt that you would never fully ‘pass’ in society as your preferred gender, would you still go a head with HRT and transitioning? Hrt are may calm the anxious mind but not necessarily change the minds of society...

'fully [/b]pass' because gender is in the eye of the beholder - 'we don't always see eye to eye' -some people see 'just' a female other's see a trans-female-So in a sense there's really no such thing as never 'passing']

A lot I guess, would depend on where one lives as to how 'accepted' into the community they are...

It’s a question that we all have or must ask ourselves…

Metta Jendar

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Guest ~Brenda~

Jendar,

For me the answer is simple. I have no choice, but to risk rejection, and not "blending". With that being said, I have been careful not to be too flamboyant in certain contexts, and not to be too aggressive in "coming" out. Additionally, I have been fortunate to experiance "passing" at various times. I am very hopeful!! As I tried to say in your FTM question, my point was this... There are many people who can easily pass for the non-birth gender and not pass that well as their birth gender, and these people are not transgendered. Regardless, these people are satisfied with who they are and lead productive lives as their birth gender. So, in view of that, if I am totally accepted as female 100% of the time or only 50% of the time is irrelevant. I just don't want to pass as male 100% of the time!!!

bernie

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Guest Little Sara
Now if you felt that you would never fully ‘pass’ in society as your preferred gender, would you still go a head with HRT and transitioning? Hrt are may calm the anxious mind but not necessarily change the minds of society...

This might seem bad, but if I was convinced, after years of hormones, of the impossibility of ever passing, I would no doubt suicide. Everyone thinks they won't pass pre-HRT though. I would not have judged HRT or not based on that.

I would see no point in living if the basicness of my being was constantly denied.

I don't mind being seen as weird, as unique, as whatever else, but not male.

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Guest N. Jane

That's a really tough question.

My RLT (if you want to call it that) was in my teens in the 1960's, so I knew I passed pretty well. At transition/SRS in 1974, it never occurred to me that I might not pass. I knew I was a girl inside and I was then a girl outside so what's not to pass?

If after all these years I was being mistaken for a man, it would be very annoying but I also have enough background to KNOW what I am and to be unshakable in that.

If I hadn't transitioned when I did, I would have been dead anyway so I suppose I would transition and learn to live in whatever realm that left me.

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This will sound very strange coming from someone who is moving so slowly and over thinking every move - writing all kinds of posts on how to pass and all of that - but I would and will definately transition regardless of 'passability' or not!

What?

That's right, I don't care if I pass or not - I have lifed my entire life being somebody else - I will not spend the rest of my life trying to be somebody else to make aociety happy - I'm the one that counts!

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest April63

I'm not sure if I would try to transition. I think it might be better to appear as a male, than risk being somewhere in between male and female. It would sure be a lot easier getting things done if I was perceived as a "freak".

April

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Guest Sofiadragon

I am going to be starting on HRT soon & the topic that you mentioned here "passing" has always been something that is on my mind & recently I figured out why for me it isn't fear of how it will affect me it is fear of how I will affect socioty & once I realized that all of my fears went away, I don't know if that is along the lines of waht you were talking about or not but I am just throwing in my 2 cents.

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Guest julia_d

I think a lot of us have no option but to "suck it and see" .. It's impossible to transition and hide.. I generally only get trouble if I try to come across male.. it doesn't work any more.. I forgot how to do it *grins*

Went out for smokes after 9 last night.. red dress and hair and nobody batted an eyelid at me.. even carrying a beer.

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Guest OneOutOfnOne

If I don't blend in? Makes no difference to me. I have friends who know and accept me. Society already rejects me on grounds other than my gender identity.

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Guest angie

Obtaining a ‘peace of mind’ is something that we all strive for, but what price are you prepared to pay for this –The loss of family, friends, work…The possibility of having to run society’s gauntlet???

It’s a question that we all have or must ask ourselves…

Metta Jendar

When this journey started six years ago,April the fifth of 2003,there was no way I could fathom the

changes that would happen once I started the physical transition with HRT.It has been the most

rewarding,yet physically,emotionally painful thing I have ever wished upon myself of my own free will.I found an inner courage to step out my door every single day as a woman.Do I (pass)?Easily.

But it is more a matter of a certainty that I Am A Woman.Than any physical changes.Sure my body

has morphed into a more natal womans shape.It sure hasn't helped my face any,that frustratingly,

hasn't changed much at all.But I am addressed in the feminine always,and have been for many

months.I have girlfriends up to six foot three,that successfully live life daily as a woman also.

There is great truth in,If you act like you belong,you do.Pure and simple,you do.

If I had let all my doubts and insecurities get in my way,I would not be the woman I am today.

It's not if you can/will pass.It is if you are a man or woman,and know it in your heart of hearts,

nothing but nothing will get in your way,no matter the obstacle.Weither you(pass)or not...Truth

Angelique Michelle-Angie

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