How do I switch to a whole new persona?

[Guest Astrosmurf]

OK, I know who I am on the inside and I feel alright with me now. A lot of my beard has gone, my hair is quite long and my GT is going to start me on hormones this Friday. I feel like staying as a guy for a while especially for work etc., but ultimately I'm going to want to make the social transition as soon as I feel able to step out the door and face the world without being clocked evey five minutes and being made to feel serious humiliation. I've reached a point where I think that's eventually achievable . . . I never appreciated how much of a difference laser would make to my face.

But I'm anxious now about judging the social transition point. Can anyone living full time share thier experiences on this? How did you first start testing out your female self in public? I'm not just talking about experimenting with clothes and make-up at home. What about with voice too?

The biggest challenge to me right now, psychologically at least, is the thought of having to eventually master this whole new persona. I have no real-life experience to date. There are things like shaving forearms which have me flumoxed -- since once I shave them people will definately notice, won't they? I worry I'll get sprung again as I have in the past and that I'll get stranded in no-man's/no-woman's land.

Any thoughts welcome.

[Guest Kate]

From my experience you will just know when it is time. I used to worry about how people would see me and what I needed to have done before I started presenting as female full time but now I just don't care. My facial hair isn't completely gone yet though it's much thinner and lighter than it used to be, I still have the same old voice I always had, someday i'll get around to working on that once I can find a speech therapist I like who is taking new clients, but one day I just woke up and none of that stuff mattered anymore. For me it was right about the time I had worked up to my full dosages for my HRT, once I finally had the right hormones pumping through my brain my sense of self solidified, my confidence shot through the roof and continuing to live the same old lie stopped being an option. Sure I'm still terrified sometimes, I still get misgendered and it still hurts just as much as ever but it's no longer a barrier, it just doesn't matter.

Also, i wouldn't worry too much about people's reactions to changes. It seemed I could do just about anything, from shaving various body areas to sprouting a pair of C-cups overnight and either none of the people I interacted with day to day noticed or they just didn't care. I would sometimes get comments (mostly compliments) on or questions about my clothing and/or accessories but nothing about the real or apparent changes to my body.

Good Luck!

Kate

[Guest Jo-88]

Some trans people do set a definite date where they go out in their new role or they just throw out all their old clothes and start acting more femme or masculine and then boom they start this new "persona". But even though thats sort of the stereotypical way trans people go about it, I don't think it is necessarily the norm and its definitely not the only way to do it. For me it was a very gradual, iterative process. I started by doing what Megan said, I slowly let go of certain masculine things that never felt right... eventually I got to a point where I was feeling really good about losing the excess baggage and then I started thinking about things that I always wanted to do or wear, or things I would like for myself that were more feminine.

So I slowly stripped away the masculine aspects of my gender expression that I didn't like first (which obviously isn't all of them, some of them I am fine with), then I slowly added on new more feminine aspects to my expression that I either couldn't pull off before or didn't have the courage to try before. Some of these new things also turned out not to be for me, so I cut them too and I went back and forth, and back and forth, so on... and I am still changing, but again it is has been a slow iterative process with careful thought put into each step.

In other words it is a journey of exploration and change... its not flipping a light switch (at least not for me).

[Guest noeleena]

Hi There.

A ,,,new ,,,persona,

How about just growing up sound odd or more like..... why don't you just grow up...... as we were told many years ago. the truth of the matter is all about growing into who you are .

Myself and theres two parts to this have I changed , my core self is the same iv not changed from male to female or female to male so lets look out side of the concept of you must change ,...you will.... just not in a forced way like in an act or put on .

I have grown into a woman because that was going to be part of my makeup from birth and I have so if you had seem me 57 years ago you may not have known im female and nore did most people yet some new so my advantage . im a builder by trade and loved my work and was pretty much happy all the time I did not talk to any one about being female as I knew I would have been done over yet did not follow men or interacted with them as most males do to each other yet I got on as ...okay ....sort of basic I put up with the --Censored Word-- and their talk and most I did not like how I survived I don't know yet I did,

Now to change my persona , Oh Dear I can answer best from what women have told me one said I am very feminine im just like other females in my manner deportment how I interact with women I get on well and on the same wave link mind wise no different in how I see things do things in most detail not all of cause and Psychologically and Emotionally.

Most of this has allways been there just as a kid I could not express myself fully or much at all because of abuse in our family from a male , any way .....

Now one and I know theres more who thought I was a male with in our large group world wide the SCA Renaissance , at our camps we have 250 people so im well known and I work hard out helping in dutys so they know what im like and being around me at close qarters and under stress while working they see it all ..... though I don't get stressed out..... and one women said to me , tour not a male are you ....ooops oh dear what do I say .... she knew when I said no im not a male im a female just different that's all intersexed so im well accepted as normal and just a woman with the name of LADY ... noeleena... so every one knows .

You see you don't get given the title of Lady if your a male so I was watched and people checked me out or tried to suss me out to see if I was playing a game or a put on, so you see my friends are really ...LOVELY... and surround me with their LOVE... I can not ever ask more than that . if you could be infront of me youed see how it effects me to the core , to have that recognition from those around you money cant buy that and its real ,

have I changed I would say yes very much so in who I am as a person using my ... grow up ...saying to be who I am a normal female who has grown into being a woman how long has it taken 67 y 10 m not long you say , He He ya ya , I know well lots of things happened along the way that was to prepare me to become a woman, this part started over 21 years ago ,

Don't ask me about males I have no idear and whats it like in no mans land different I can tell you went through that as well , went through ...HELL...and came out the other side 8 years of and My Mate as well ..... Jos...... one lovely woman I can tell you , of cause she has married a ...REAL... man 1 1/2 year ago she,s happy and im glad and happy for her we are just two women with history behind us lots of and 35 years together , 41 years all told ,

Don't try and change your self just ...grow up... and become you oh and people and some of my friends going back 57 years are still just my friends nothing changed there so acceptance is what is very importaint and has been for myself I never lost any friends and....GAINED... so many more, and people just went out of their way to help me , and that's been so fantastic it really has , people I never knew .

Oh best not forget , recorrective surgerys, may .june in 07 Phuket Thailand , hormones a low does rate as needed though my own body went into changes , being intersexed my own hormones went into changes and did for a few years that started 21 years ago , all told 7 years of changes since surgerys and I wont rule out added meds as was needed , im a menopausal woman and that's it ,

We are all different our lifes are as well so don't think we have to conform to some set way of being who we are , what worked in my case wont work in yours put my name on the net = noel to noeleena.

Hope this helps in some small way ,

...noeleena...

[Charlize]

I must admit to doing the "stereotypical" transition. I had spent a good deal of my life in the world as myself so once i felt the time was right i simply recycled his clothes and never looked back. The fears were enormous. I felt i would be ridiculed, my family might desert me and i'd be alone and ashamed. Everything worked out with time. Most of my fears were pointless. Maybe not having his clothes to hide has helped get past some humps.

Perhaps it was mostly a matter of letting go and allowing life to take me. That alone sounds a fairly "typical female" trait.

Congratulations on starting HRT. I remember the seemingly endless hoops to just get to that point. It did calm me and while i was full time before i started i felt more at home and comfortable.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Raya]

Hey, Astrosmurf, congratulations on HRT, you are about a month ahead of me on that.

I'm not out in public yet, I just wanted to add about shaving- I do my arms and legs, and have not gotten a comment. But the stubble really seems to stand out if I don't keep it up. I did get a positive comment on my nails (I keep a clear hardener on them) from a nice lady who knew me. Many women pick up on hands right away.

[Guest honeynocturnal]

Lots of great advice here. As I'm planning to make the social switch myself in the next month, I appreciate all the useful feedback, even if someone else asked the question!

[Guest KerryUK]

Well, I'll say what I've said here many times before.

'Slowly, slowly catchee monkey'. It works.

I did things very slowly and started off with buffing my nails, then tinted lip balm, then feminine jeans and flat shoes (all gender neutral stuff) and slowly but surely progressed in to wearing more and more feminine things. One day, I suddenly realised that I couldn't remember what I had put on that day - I was simply dressed as ME.

When I was buffing my nails and cutting them in a more feminine shape, I thought everybody would see and point them out etc. When I had fully progressed into RLE, I asked if anyone had seen and not one person had noticed.

I'm a firm advocate of doing things slowly and developing into the feminine you, this gives those around you a chance to develop with you and saves a lot of heartache.

'Slowly, slowly catchee monkey'.

Kerry

[Guest Astrosmurf]

Thanks so much all, I do feel better having read the above.

Noeleena, you are a kiwi legend