Don't know about this

[EmberineW]

I shouldn't even be on this site. I resigned myself to living as my assigned gender. Its funny how one conversation can bring all the repressed feeling back. Through all the depression and alcohol and having a child I've kept this my secret. I'm still not ready to say it out loud but I'll type it. I do not wish to be female. I've known since I was a child that I was different, unusual. All of this scares me to death. I'm not ready to uproot my life. But this is a good step to that. My name is Ember, and I will be a guy one day.

[VickySGV]

Welcome Ember -- what you have described is a repeated many times in the introductions here. You are not alone. There are other men here who have borne children, every one is a great and loving parents, the sort every child deserves to have. I am a Grateful Recovering Alcoholic and there are several of us here too, not to mention the folks who have overcome other addictions. Depression seems to go hand in hand with Gender Dysphoria, so we have that covered as well. Very much welcome!!

[EmberineW]

Thank you. I'm just not sure what I"m doing. I know I can't ignore it anymore though.

[Guest]

You are at the right place

welcome

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Ember. Just to reassure you, this is a long term deal, and no one here will rush you or tell you what to think. Take it one step at a time, learn all you can, ask questions, and we'll be there with any advice or information we can give.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Most of us came here wit a great deal of confusion. I was dealing with alcoholism but still unable to be honest about myself. Welcome to Laura's. You are certainly not alone.

Enjoy your exploration. It may seem like the end of the world but it can also be a great new beginning. All comes from our perspective.

Hugs,

Charlize

[EmberineW]

Thanks everyone for your kind support.

[Guest]

I stuck my toe in the internet waters, in an intersexed forum because I am one. In two weeks I ran like hell! It seemed all they wanted to do was argue the medical aspects and compare documentation. Any social aspects seemed unwelcomed. I wished for all the world I had never pressed Enter. I wished I could have an undo.

I next came here with deep trepidation. I found a home. Loving people that I can identity with, social, educated, humorous and non judgemental. You can probably find that here too. Enjoy the hugs, you're in a good spot. JodyAnn

[Guest Raya]

Ember, welcome to the playground! Hang out and you'll find lots of nice people, many of whom have had the same fear and repression.

I resigned myself to overcoming my "fantasy" 40 years ago, had so much self hate, self destructive behavior, etc.

I can't tell you how many times I've purged all my clothes. Really, I do not know, alcohol wiped out a lot, and I quit counting.

Just finding some caring and understanding people has been a huge relief.

[gennee]

Hi Ember and welcome to Laura's. Many of us were in your place at one time. This is a positive step in the right direction. It takes time and you will discover many things during this journey. Cherish the moments you're in.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Welcome to Laura's Playground Ember

Take your time, as their is no timeline that you need to follow when transitioning.

If you do not have one yet, I would highly recommend that you locate a gender therapist to help you along your Journey.

I hope that you find everything that you are looking for here, especially good supportive friends.

There are many FTM's here to assist you with your Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

[CiCi_73]

Hi Ember,

Also struggle with depression. And alcohol and drug addiction, and even though I've been clean and sober for over 20 years, I only recently got honest with myself about my needs and desires. But coming out has done some dammage to my life, so all is not so wonderful, but continuing to deny this aspect of myself had become intolerable. I wish you the best on your journey, where ever it takes you.

Courtney

[MWK89]

Thank you. I'm just not sure what I"m doing. I know I can't ignore it anymore though.

Trust me, you aren't alone. I'm also just now discovering myself and not sure what's what, and it certainly can be daunting.