Safe travel on our nations highways.

[Guest LesleyAnne]

Hi All.....

A few of you out there know me via Laura's, and know my background (as it's on my profile page).

Here's why I'm writing this...........My dysphoria for me has reached a somewhat serious level. I won't go into a lot of the why but suffice it to say I have been at my lowest of lows for the past month. I've been married to a wonderful girl for the last 44 almost at 45 years, I didn't come out to her much less me till last year. It's been rocky as many of you have experienced the same, somedays are worse than others of course.

For the first time I was able to dress accordingly around my house because my MIL (mother-in-law) visited her son out of state for 6 days. Well for me it was a wonderful experience, I felt whole, I felt normal, and very happy.

My wife not so much. She admitted it was rough for her and she could never live with LesleyAnne full time......I understand, but it hurt like "H" anyway........ That put me at my all time low, I felt utter despair, and I won't go into just how low, lets just say I'm now taking the highest dosages recommended of my medications for my depression, and PTSD. I just really didn't want to be here anymore! And I'm crying as I type this!

Silly for a 66 yr. old lady huh!!

My VA Psychologist, and Psychiatrist whom I see at least once a month have both recommended that I get out on the road (I love to drive out on the open road), and go somewhere for awhile. Go see friends who would accept me as LesleyAnne (I don't have any other than here at Laura's), so that means just staying in hotel/motels along the way to nowhere. I will be alone so that won't be a great experience, but maybe it's worth a try.

I'd be leaving Texas (yeah!), and that part is good since this place seems to be so homophobic that they are even going to fight the federal govt. on the recent Supreme Court ruling with state taxpayer money! Decried by the great Governor of Texas.

Sorry I digressed....... My worries are several.

I worry about being dressed as the real me out on the open road since my Texas DL shows the raggedy old me, with the gender marker as male. So naturally that worries me......should I travel as the old me, and only dress when I stay over somewhere? And if I only dress when I'm at a hotel/motel I can't dress to go out and eat since the desk crew will see me. I don't want an experience like what happened to (I apologize I can't think of her name right now) the young Transgender girl arrested at a Drury Inn for being suspicious, and feared she was a prostitute (unbelievable garbage, and of course she was being profiled too because of her race). Then they charged her for not having a valid Rx for the Spiro they found in her possession (any excuse will do when the law is profiling you!, case in point Sandra Bland (who should have never been pulled over in the first place!) who sadly lost her life because of a bigot.

I'm not of color, but because I don't really look female I worry about running into the homophobia especially in law enforcement ( if a cop like the one who stopped Sandra notices me in my truck with a wig, and make-up he'll no doubt think I'm up to no good and pull me over just for being suspicious looking). Not to mention my voice is a giveaway, and my 5'11" male frame along with my face (not one to love).

I am sorry if this rambles, and whiney since I know a lot of you out there have forged ahead and been brave being you!

So I guess what I'm looking for are tips, and advice on lessening my chances of encountering a situation that would end up disastrously. Since I am the type of person that would not take the shakedown well.

Should I drive dressed like my DL? Should I only dress when I stop someplace?

But like I said, I've told my therapist's that I've really got nowhere to go, but they still feel It would be good for me to get away for awhile.

By the way I am retired on military disability, and S.S. so I don't have to worry about a job to be away from, or any commitments.

Sorry this was so long! I'm just really at a loss as to what to do, but I know I'd better do something. The dam has burst.

Love,

[Guest]

Hi Lesley,

I'm sorry that your home situation is deteriorating. It's not easy being trans, for certain. Perhaps a time away from home will help you and your spouse.

If it was me, I would go as Lesley, and let anyone who has to see your ID accept the fact that it's different. Of course, I may be in a different place: I refuse to feel shamed about being trans, and if people read me as such, it's no skin off my behind. I did change my ID early on, so didn't have to deal with that for long. Perhaps you could change your ID before going?

If there's any doubt, go West. There are conservative areas out here too, but, overall, the climate is much less phobic. It's beautiful country, and the touristy areas I've been to are quite easy-going.

I keep thinking of my retirement, and the travel plans I've made. I do want to thoroughly tour the West, but also go East to enjoy the history there. I do hope you can find comfort in your travels. Will you be in the Northwest?

Love, Megan

[Guest LesleyAnne]

Hi Megan,

Thank you for your words of encouragement, and advice.

Texas is one of those states that will not allow a change of gender on your DL unless it goes before a court, and you showing evidence such as letters from the Doctor who performed SRS. Otherwise you have only one choice and that's the gender your birth certificate shows.

I have no idea of where I would go. I definitely won't travel anywhere but West, but where, I just don't have clue. Just getting out of Texas going west takes a good 9 hours. I live close to Houston.

Love,

LesleyAnne

[Guest suden]

Hi Megan- I,ve made that drive from Huston to big bend a few times. Not dressed! But I think if you dress with some things that make you feminine but not over the top. You should be OK stay in the interstate in Texas!

Not sure of the wig if you get stopped. Just take your time and believe in your self and have some fun with your eyes open! I hope things work out with you wife! Eden

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Ah yes, a topic I have experienced personally.

How comfortable do you feel being out in public dressed? More importantly, how comfortable do you feel being a lady, alone, sometimes at night, in public, in unfamiliar areas? Do you have any experience being out in public as yourself? I ask because it's a different world on this team. As far as the hotel thing, in my opinion, it's panicking over something that doesn't happen that often. I've been living full-time for the last 4 years, been dressing since two years prior to that, staying in various hotels and motels around the country, checking in boy mode and going out in girl mode and I've never had a problem. I've never even been questioned by anyone. Worst case scenario, stay in your room, dress up, and order pizza. or Chinese delivery. If you want a little taste of experience, go get some ice from the machine down the hall.

As far as places to go, again I've been all over and I've personally never had a problem anywhere, but granted, I take precautions and not make myself look like a potential target. I also carry pepper spray and a knife, again, just in case. Never had to use it but it's better to be safe than sorry. You could always take a trip up to Dallas. It's pretty big and pretty liberal.

I don't know what your itinerary is or the places you'd like to go, but make sure your car is in good shape and you have extra coolant. The last thing you want is to be broken down in the middle of nowhere western Texas. Travel in boy mode if that would make you feel more comfortable and use nights at a hotel to practice your makeup and to just enjoy being you.

[Guest LesleyAnne]

Thank you Lizzie,

I feel totally natural dressed as a lady, but I have to admit I have not been dressed as one (other than my back yard) out here in rural Texas. I live outside Houston, and don't venture into Houston mostly because of my severe PTSD (congestion, tight spaces, lot of people bring on panic attacks, which is very common with PTSD). Rural Texas with a small population, recognition is highly likely. So I haven't been brave enough to be honest.

You have given me great ideas though. I forget you can order delivery. I also came up with the idea of staying at a LGBTQ bed and breakfast. Purple Roof offer guidance on who's Trans friendly in each state. The only problem with that is most of the bed and breakfasts are usually a lot more expensive.

I don't really care where I go, just someplace that I can venture out and be who I am. I thought of going to Cali, Washington, Oregon, but that's a long trip.

I have a newer truck (Ram 2500) that is in good shape, gets good mileage, I just have to stop where they sell diesel.

I do carry mace most of the time when I go out even though I'm in boy mode. Car jackers don't care what your gender is, they just want your vehicle.

Again thank you so much, I really do appreciate your input, and by the way if just looked half as good as you I would be a lot more confident in myself. I mean no disrespect. I promise you.

Love all of you,

LesleyAnne