A kind of survivor guilt

[Guest]

A transgender woman commited suicide this week. Sad enough. But at the same time I was contacted by a person I knew in my hometown. She is in the administrative commity for a LGBT support group. She said to me that I was a real inspiration for everyone there because of the succes I have and how happy I am. In my hometown the nearest gender therapist is 70 km away. That must not be easy for the transgender community there. The next day a girl at my job sent me an instant message to tell me how nice and wonderfull of a person I am. To top all of this, I received the confirmation that my name change is accepted.

I feel bad in a way. How can someone in the community commit suicide because everybody in his life as rejected her and I am so happy, lucky and apparently appreciated? How this can happen in the same city? That's completely crazy to me.

I am just in shock today about the contrast between the situation of one transgender and the situation of another transgender next door...

[Charlize]

I don't think you can feel guilty about the fact that you are happy. Pity that young person didn't know a happy trans* person. Being who we are and sharing the joy we find is perhaps the best way of helping all of our brothers and sisters.

Keep the smile and spread it into the world that surrounds you.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest suden]

I always new life was complicated. I never really new how complicated until I realized and excepted that I'm a trans woman.

Life can be hard to hold on too at times! my heart brakes every time I read about some one being lost by their hand or others! Eden

[VickySGV]

Marie -- I can empathize with you completely. Since I fully came out and began moving, I have had a smooth and almost uneventful crossing of the gender line. I am not "rich and famous" but I have been in the right place at the right time to get things done. It was frightening at first and in my early attempts to get "into the world" I did hit my face on brick walls that it seems I had built just for that purpose but they are in the past and while painful at the time now seem like they were not real in any way.

I do, in looking back share the "survivors guilt" you talk about and that I am successfully out, and that I have had huge success where others have so much pain and anguish. That underlies some of my participation here at Laura's since I am "paying forward" things that I have received. I actually did come close to killing myself in the passive route of alcohol abuse on top of other medical problems, but a recent set of medical tests show that I am in the best health I have had in years. What did I do right, and what can I do to help others is a question that is hitting me even now. I guess the answer is to take one day at a time, and live in the now with the idea that even losers can have a streak of luck and happiness. Beating myself up for being happy and successful will not help any one and will not restore the lost lives. Examining my talents and abilities and going out and sharing is what I have to do.

[Guest KerryUK]

I know exactly what you mean Soliloque, it just makes me feel all the more grateful for how lucky I have been. I am soooooooo lucky in so many ways. So I try not to sweat the small stuff any more.

Kerry