I Wanna Come Out To My Mom...

[Guest Amelia19]

I really want to come out to my mom but every time I get enough courage up to do it

I walk out of my room, and either my stepdad is there (I'd rather talk to my mom first)

or I just forget everything I was going to say and walk back into my room.

I get so nervous just thinking about it.

Does anyone have any advice?

[Sally]

I really want to come out to my mom but every time I get enough courage up to do it

I walk out of my room, and either my stepdad is there (I'd rather talk to my mom first)

or I just forget everything I was going to say and walk back into my room.

I get so nervous just thinking about it.

Does anyone have any advice?

Talking to her alone is a good idea.

You will be nervous, but you have to do it when you feel it is time and it sounds like you feel that it is.

You know what you want to say, once you start it will just sort of go on without your having to think about it.

Just be sure you are ready and take a deep breath and go tell her.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Little Sara]

Writing it down might work to engage conversation at first.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Be yourself. It takes a HUGE amount of courage to do this. But you NEED to do so as soon as you can. Be VERY self-assured appearing even if you don't exactly feel that way. She MUST undersand you are 100% serious. PLEASE remember this - don't back down. It will only make it harder next time.

Be prepared for the 'parent' reactions: too young. don't know your mind, will grow out of it, it's a phase... or worse, 'how can you do this to me!"

And understand the word "sex" or 'sexchange" will pop into her head if you don't do it right. Use 'gender confused' if you can. Never blurt out you want to 'BE" a girl, use something less challenging like "I always felt like I was a girl." Ask if you can see some professional gender therapist - don't settle for a church person or a school councilor. Make her see you WANT HER TO HELP YOU. It's not your fault, its how you feel, and it won't go away.

So stay an 'adult' if you mom loses it. Its do-able and it is not fun... but with the proper presentation, she might rush to help you.

PLEASE keep us posted on this.

Lizzy

[Guest Amelia19]

Make her see you WANT HER TO HELP YOU.

I don't know how to do that...

She MUST understand you are 100% serious.

I think I would have a problem with this... I'm not exactly the most girlish person there is when I'm around people,

not even close. Even tho I'm a lot more emotional then I was when I was in high school I think she would just think

I was joking. (*was emotionally dead in High school*)

But you NEED to do so as soon as you can.

I think I'm going to try on my mom's day off on Monday.

Since she works in the afternoon and I either have school in the morning or my step dad is home.

I think it would be best if we had as much time as possible to talk about it.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear Amelia,

Let coming out take care of itself. You do not have to force it!! Be patient, with yourself and you circumstances. When the time is right, you will know!! Let it bw, and flow naturally. The day will come when you are feeling good, and strong, and confident. You are alone with your mother and you guys have had already a wonder talk about some other things in life, and bam, now is the time!!

Don't worry!! Let coming out evolve as it will!!

LOL

bernie

[Guest Little Sara]

I think I would have a problem with this... I'm not exactly the most girlish person there is when I'm around people,

not even close. Even tho I'm a lot more emotional then I was when I was in high school I think she would just think

I was joking. (*was emotionally dead in High school*)

Is being female about being feminine, or is it more than that. I'm personally both and they are independant of each other. I don't declare the femaleness of people who wear pants 365 days a year and never wear high heels as void. I was also emotionally dead in high school, rather than an argument against me, it was one for me though - I was extremely depressed, so well duh, something was wrong. And that's what it was.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Make her see you WANT HER TO HELP YOU.

I don't know how to do that...

Just tell her, 'Mom, I want you to help me." Look her in the eye and really be serious. She will pick it up, what you mean.

Lizzy

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Let coming out take care of itself. You do not have to force it!! Be patient, with yourself and you circumstances. When the time is right, you will know!! Let it bw, and flow naturally. The day will come when you are feeling good, and strong, and confident. You are alone with your mother and you guys have had already a wonder talk about some other things in life, and bam, now is the time!!

I'm gonna echo bernie. Don't rush this. Take your time, prepare yourself properly. Maybe you could try writing her a letter as practice for getting what you want to say into the right words. Try to anticipate how she's going to react so that you can be prepared. If you're not sure how she'll react, come up with contingency plans for every possibility. It'll make you feel more comfortable if you know you're ready for anything she can throw at you. Being nervous is good, in a way, because it means you care. But make sure you're ready first. Once you're really ready, it'll be a little easier to start that conversation.

Good luck!

-Pól

[Guest Amelia19]

Well that was bad planning on my part....

My sister came home for Easter, and my step dad has Monday off...

Just tell her, 'Mom, I want you to help me."

Heh, very blunt but I guess it works.

Let coming out take care of itself. You do not have to force it!! Be patient, with yourself and you circumstances.

I'm gonna echo bernie. Don't rush this. Take your time, prepare yourself properly.

yeah... I guess, maybe while my sister is home I will end up driving somewhere with her and she'll

bug me till I blurt it out, like she does with everything else... >.>

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Amelia,

Where are you at right now?? Did you come out to your sister? Was it all OK? PM me if you need to talk!!!

Love you,

bernii

[Sally]

maybe while my sister is home I will end up driving somewhere with her and she'll

bug me till I blurt it out, like she does with everything else... >.>

Please don't let anyone get you flustered and blurt it out.

You need to do this when you are ready.

I believe that part of the trouble that I am having with my mother is because I didn't get to tell her my way when I wanted to - I had to rush into it because one of my ex inlaws threatened to call her and I wasn't about to let that tactless, miserable excuse for a human being talk to my mother - I told her that she already knew, but than I had to tell her right away because to say that this snake is less than trustworthy is a massive understatement. (my appoligies to snakes everywhere, they don't deserve to be compared to her)

Please be patient and do things your wayin your own time.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Amelia19]

Did you come out to your sister?

No, I was just thinking maybe it would happen, I do talk to her about personal stuff more then my mom.

Please don't let anyone get you flustered and blurt it out.

Wrong choice of words for me I guess, what I meant was the conversation would develop into me coming out.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Amelia

Is any of this helping?

Please keep us posted on what happens.

Lizzy

[Guest Amelia19]

Grr >.<

I feel lame... I talked to my mom for like 4 hours today and the situation presented

itself a few times but I couldn't say anything.

The topic of me being gay came up... AGAIN... and I laughed and said no...

I felt it would be awkward to say "But I do feel like a girl" right after...

Now that I think about it, it probably would have been a good way to start

the conversation.

I think she may think I want to talk to her about something tho...

She asked me "Whats wrong?" several times.

[Guest Amelia19]

So I was sitting on the kitchen counter like 15 min ago...

and.. yeah she defiantly knows I want to talk to her about something...

Mom: "You know.. It seems like you want to talk to me about something."

Me: "No, just bored, nothing to do..."

Mom: "You have an essay..."

Me: "Meh, It's not due till tomorrow >.>"

Getting closer =D

*nervous*

*starts essay*

[Sally]

You'll get there, Sweetie,

We are all here to support you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest nova]

I have an idea. Print something out from the internet that's really affirming and positive about trans-people. Leave it laying out where you know you mom will find it. She might be the one to break the ice then! Whaddaya think?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Amelia - Mom knows somethings up! You are getting there

Sweety - keep us posted now - you don't need to face this alone.

Lizzy

[Paula ult]

Amelia sweety your mom is probably worried sick about what could be troubling you, i think now is the time to tell her, find a time when she's not busy and tell her, just keep what you want to say short and too the point and don't overload her with information just yet.

HUGS!

Paula.

[Guest Amelia19]

Guh this is so frustrating >.<!

So today I mentioned something about the one lady on Britain's got talent (i forgot her name) and my step-dad said

something about how she looked like a man and then my mom said she sees a lot of women at the store who have facial

hair and my step dad said well how do you know they aren't men? and my mom said because they don't have

adams apples, and I said, well can't you get those removed surgically?(I already know you can) and she said I don't

think so.

And so... I was going to say later, after my step dad went to sleep, that I knew you could get them removed

and I already knew before I asked....

But... I got nervous and started laughing(I laugh when I'm REALLY nervous(for some reason my mom doesn't realize this))

and left the room biting my thumb to stop, and now my thumb hurts and I'm no closer to coming out then a week ago.

And yes I know "don't rush it", "It will happen when the time is right" but I know it wont. I can't say anything to her,

I can't even mouth it cause I know she can read lips.... I can't print anything about being transgendered I cant write a letter...

I think too far ahead of everything and then I can't do it because it always ends up bad in my head...

And I can't think of anything with no possible way of turning out bad...

[Guest Amelia19]

Hey mom... >.>

I guess you checked your email...

Sooo... yeah.... I'm probably not home right now.

Umm...please don't call me, I'll talk to you when I get home.

And yes... this is the best way because I cant say it any other way...

[Sally]

So is this the beginning of a real dialog?

Are you really going to talk this time?

Please tell us how it goes.

You know that we are all behind you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Amelia19]

Done...

I walked out, my mom hummed, I looked over to see "Laura's Playground"

in big pink lettering, and walked back into my room...

She came in about 20 min later and asked me if I had eaten anything

like nothing even happened and then said it's alright and left...

[Guest Ashlee]

Amelia,

I sounds like your mom is handling it very well.

You must have given her a link to this wonderful place - good for you and good for her for coming here first!

This is a great beginning for you. She is willing to find out what your going through and help you. - Much better than alot of yelling and screaming

The best is yet to come

{{HUGS}}

Ashlee