Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I Wanna Come Out To My Mom...


Guest Amelia19

Recommended Posts

Guest Amelia19

I really want to come out to my mom but every time I get enough courage up to do it

I walk out of my room, and either my stepdad is there (I'd rather talk to my mom first)

or I just forget everything I was going to say and walk back into my room.

I get so nervous just thinking about it.

Does anyone have any advice?

Link to comment
I really want to come out to my mom but every time I get enough courage up to do it

I walk out of my room, and either my stepdad is there (I'd rather talk to my mom first)

or I just forget everything I was going to say and walk back into my room.

I get so nervous just thinking about it.

Does anyone have any advice?

Talking to her alone is a good idea.

You will be nervous, but you have to do it when you feel it is time and it sounds like you feel that it is.

You know what you want to say, once you start it will just sort of go on without your having to think about it.

Just be sure you are ready and take a deep breath and go tell her.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Be yourself. It takes a HUGE amount of courage to do this. But you NEED to do so as soon as you can. Be VERY self-assured appearing even if you don't exactly feel that way. She MUST undersand you are 100% serious. PLEASE remember this - don't back down. It will only make it harder next time.

Be prepared for the 'parent' reactions: too young. don't know your mind, will grow out of it, it's a phase... or worse, 'how can you do this to me!"

And understand the word "sex" or 'sexchange" will pop into her head if you don't do it right. Use 'gender confused' if you can. Never blurt out you want to 'BE" a girl, use something less challenging like "I always felt like I was a girl." Ask if you can see some professional gender therapist - don't settle for a church person or a school councilor. Make her see you WANT HER TO HELP YOU. It's not your fault, its how you feel, and it won't go away.

So stay an 'adult' if you mom loses it. Its do-able and it is not fun... but with the proper presentation, she might rush to help you.

PLEASE keep us posted on this.

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19
Make her see you WANT HER TO HELP YOU.

I don't know how to do that...

She MUST understand you are 100% serious.

I think I would have a problem with this... I'm not exactly the most girlish person there is when I'm around people,

not even close. Even tho I'm a lot more emotional then I was when I was in high school I think she would just think

I was joking. (*was emotionally dead in High school*)

But you NEED to do so as soon as you can.

I think I'm going to try on my mom's day off on Monday.

Since she works in the afternoon and I either have school in the morning or my step dad is home.

I think it would be best if we had as much time as possible to talk about it.

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Dear Amelia,

Let coming out take care of itself. You do not have to force it!! Be patient, with yourself and you circumstances. When the time is right, you will know!! Let it bw, and flow naturally. The day will come when you are feeling good, and strong, and confident. You are alone with your mother and you guys have had already a wonder talk about some other things in life, and bam, now is the time!!

Don't worry!! Let coming out evolve as it will!!

LOL

bernie

Link to comment
Guest Little Sara
I think I would have a problem with this... I'm not exactly the most girlish person there is when I'm around people,

not even close. Even tho I'm a lot more emotional then I was when I was in high school I think she would just think

I was joking. (*was emotionally dead in High school*)

Is being female about being feminine, or is it more than that. I'm personally both and they are independant of each other. I don't declare the femaleness of people who wear pants 365 days a year and never wear high heels as void. I was also emotionally dead in high school, rather than an argument against me, it was one for me though - I was extremely depressed, so well duh, something was wrong. And that's what it was.

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Make her see you WANT HER TO HELP YOU.

I don't know how to do that...

Just tell her, 'Mom, I want you to help me." Look her in the eye and really be serious. She will pick it up, what you mean.

Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest Pól_Eire
Let coming out take care of itself. You do not have to force it!! Be patient, with yourself and you circumstances. When the time is right, you will know!! Let it bw, and flow naturally. The day will come when you are feeling good, and strong, and confident. You are alone with your mother and you guys have had already a wonder talk about some other things in life, and bam, now is the time!!

I'm gonna echo bernie. Don't rush this. Take your time, prepare yourself properly. Maybe you could try writing her a letter as practice for getting what you want to say into the right words. Try to anticipate how she's going to react so that you can be prepared. If you're not sure how she'll react, come up with contingency plans for every possibility. It'll make you feel more comfortable if you know you're ready for anything she can throw at you. Being nervous is good, in a way, because it means you care. But make sure you're ready first. Once you're really ready, it'll be a little easier to start that conversation.

Good luck!

-Pól

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19

Well that was bad planning on my part....

My sister came home for Easter, and my step dad has Monday off...

Just tell her, 'Mom, I want you to help me."

Heh, very blunt but I guess it works.

Let coming out take care of itself. You do not have to force it!! Be patient, with yourself and you circumstances.
I'm gonna echo bernie. Don't rush this. Take your time, prepare yourself properly.

yeah... I guess, maybe while my sister is home I will end up driving somewhere with her and she'll

bug me till I blurt it out, like she does with everything else... >.>

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Dearest Amelia,

Where are you at right now?? Did you come out to your sister? Was it all OK? PM me if you need to talk!!!

Love you,

bernii

Link to comment
maybe while my sister is home I will end up driving somewhere with her and she'll

bug me till I blurt it out, like she does with everything else... >.>

Please don't let anyone get you flustered and blurt it out.

You need to do this when you are ready.

I believe that part of the trouble that I am having with my mother is because I didn't get to tell her my way when I wanted to - I had to rush into it because one of my ex inlaws threatened to call her and I wasn't about to let that tactless, miserable excuse for a human being talk to my mother - I told her that she already knew, but than I had to tell her right away because to say that this snake is less than trustworthy is a massive understatement. (my appoligies to snakes everywhere, they don't deserve to be compared to her)

Please be patient and do things your wayin your own time.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19
Did you come out to your sister?

No, I was just thinking maybe it would happen, I do talk to her about personal stuff more then my mom.

Please don't let anyone get you flustered and blurt it out.

Wrong choice of words for me I guess, what I meant was the conversation would develop into me coming out.

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19

Grr >.<

I feel lame... I talked to my mom for like 4 hours today and the situation presented

itself a few times but I couldn't say anything.

The topic of me being gay came up... AGAIN... and I laughed and said no...

I felt it would be awkward to say "But I do feel like a girl" right after...

Now that I think about it, it probably would have been a good way to start

the conversation.

I think she may think I want to talk to her about something tho...

She asked me "Whats wrong?" several times.

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19

So I was sitting on the kitchen counter like 15 min ago...

and.. yeah she defiantly knows I want to talk to her about something...

Mom: "You know.. It seems like you want to talk to me about something."

Me: "No, just bored, nothing to do..."

Mom: "You have an essay..."

Me: "Meh, It's not due till tomorrow >.>"

Getting closer =D

*nervous*

*starts essay*

Link to comment

I have an idea. Print something out from the internet that's really affirming and positive about trans-people. Leave it laying out where you know you mom will find it. She might be the one to break the ice then! Whaddaya think?

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Amelia - Mom knows somethings up! You are getting there

Sweety - keep us posted now - you don't need to face this alone.

Lizzy

Link to comment

Amelia sweety your mom is probably worried sick about what could be troubling you, i think now is the time to tell her, find a time when she's not busy and tell her, just keep what you want to say short and too the point and don't overload her with information just yet.

HUGS!

Paula.

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19

Guh this is so frustrating >.<!

So today I mentioned something about the one lady on Britain's got talent (i forgot her name) and my step-dad said

something about how she looked like a man and then my mom said she sees a lot of women at the store who have facial

hair and my step dad said well how do you know they aren't men? and my mom said because they don't have

adams apples, and I said, well can't you get those removed surgically?(I already know you can) and she said I don't

think so.

And so... I was going to say later, after my step dad went to sleep, that I knew you could get them removed

and I already knew before I asked....

But... I got nervous and started laughing(I laugh when I'm REALLY nervous(for some reason my mom doesn't realize this))

and left the room biting my thumb to stop, and now my thumb hurts and I'm no closer to coming out then a week ago.

:(

And yes I know "don't rush it", "It will happen when the time is right" but I know it wont. I can't say anything to her,

I can't even mouth it cause I know she can read lips.... I can't print anything about being transgendered I cant write a letter...

I think too far ahead of everything and then I can't do it because it always ends up bad in my head...

And I can't think of anything with no possible way of turning out bad... :(

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19

Hey mom... >.>

I guess you checked your email...

Sooo... yeah.... I'm probably not home right now.

Umm...please don't call me, I'll talk to you when I get home.

And yes... this is the best way because I cant say it any other way...

Link to comment

So is this the beginning of a real dialog?

Are you really going to talk this time?

Please tell us how it goes.

You know that we are all behind you.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Amelia19

Done...

I walked out, my mom hummed, I looked over to see "Laura's Playground"

in big pink lettering, and walked back into my room...

She came in about 20 min later and asked me if I had eaten anything

like nothing even happened and then said it's alright and left...

Link to comment
Guest Ashlee

Amelia,

I sounds like your mom is handling it very well.

You must have given her a link to this wonderful place - good for you and good for her for coming here first!

This is a great beginning for you. She is willing to find out what your going through and help you. - Much better than alot of yelling and screaming ;)

The best is yet to come :)

{{HUGS}}

Ashlee

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 108 Guests (See full list)

    • Ivy
    • Emily Chen
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MaeBe
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,065
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Cynthia Slowan
    Newest Member
    Cynthia Slowan
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ay-la
      Ay-la
      (51 years old)
    2. Camille
      Camille
      (48 years old)
    3. Dressupdoll
      Dressupdoll
      (57 years old)
    4. iliya
      iliya
      (37 years old)
    5. KaylaH
      KaylaH
      (48 years old)
  • Posts

    • MaeBe
      I'm glad to hear it! Fruits and veggies time! I just had a greek yogurt with flax meal and blueberries and now I'm feeling better about that! I am so glad you're OK!   Just finished my second cup of coffee after an appointment with my normal stylist, I haven't see her since November! First time see her since going femme full time. I'd texted her before the appointment, just in case, but she has been super sweet the whole time. Not much hair ended up on the floor, but I'm going to need the back trimmed before long but for now I just got some shaping done.   Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that. My guess is your neighbor won't be paying the medical bill...
    • Penrose-Pauling
      Doubt it, most people against the T are also against the LGB, I am bi and it all seems to intersect one way or another. Trans people are "new" in the eyes of the public so its just a weird thing for them all.
    • Penrose-Pauling
      I have the same feeling as you. I often wish I had started HRT earlier or was on puberty blockers, maybe I could have been taller than 5'7. But there's nothing you can do about it now, that's life and as much as it sucks and seems pointless at times you have to work with what you are given. "Passing isn't the end all be all" I hear a lot but to me it is everything, as much as that may sound like an insane position It is just how I feel.   Anyway, on the topic of your mother, mine had the same sentiment and mostly still does along with my father. Im not sure how old you are but you seem to be around my age or younger, I am 17. But most families don't know how to deal with it and they will probably see you as your original gender no matter what you do. Their comments mean nothing really because in the end when adulthood rolls around you can just leave or at least have some independence from them.   I would also not compare yourself to other males, it will eat you alive. I just remind myself that I will get there, maybe I won't be the pillar of masculinity but ill pass one day. Envy is the thief of happiness or something like that.    
    • Willow
      I can never find coffee that matches good restaurants coffee.  The closest iv come so far was when I accidentally made a pot last week with less water than I had meant to use.  But that still wasn’t right.  Now I’ve heard put a little salt in with the ground coffee or add baking soda but I have no clue how much to use.   home baked pie in the local cafe is the best, but the best Key Lime pie was from a place called The Fish House in Key Largo. One thing they do differently is the topping is meringue not whipped cream. But it’s also made from real key limes.  An advantage of being in the keys.   willow
    • VickySGV
      They have unleashed the hounds toward every less than perfectly, and idealistically feminine Cis woman in the state to be sued for not looking the way a plaintiff thinks they should look. 
    • Vidanjali
      Great videos above. Thanks for sharing. Here's a favorite song.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Perfect omelette!!! 😍
    • Sally Stone
      Post 10 “My Feminine Presentation”   I have no illusions about fooling people.  It’s a pretty safe bet that most of the people I meet or interact with recognize I was not born female.  Going “stealth” just isn’t in the cards for me.  Despite this, I am usually recognized and addressed as a woman.       As an example, I recall a past shopping trip to a department store.  After finding a nice purse, I took it the checkout counter.  The store associate took my credit card, rang up my purchase, and when she handed my purchase and credit card back to me, she said: “thank you Miss Stone,” despite the fact that my credit card had my male name on it.  Clearly, she recognized I was presenting as a woman, but when I thought about it, I realized I had made it easy for her to choose the correct gender response.  The way I was dressed, the way my makeup and nails were done, ensured there was no ambiguity regarding my gender.     In fact, I can’t remember the last time somebody mis-gendered me while presenting in my feminine persona.  But that’s because putting such effort into my feminine appearance, I don’t give people much of a chance to be confused.  Occasionally, one of my trans friends will accuse me of being overdressed, and in some situations, they might be right, but in my defense, I feel the need to present in a way that supports the feminine woman inside of me.  I’m a “girly-girl” by nature, and it leads me to be overtly feminine when it comes to the fashions I choose, and why I spend so much on the details of my appearance.  I simply want my appearance to match the way I feel.   Because my girl time is limited, I always want to make the most of it. This is another key factor driving my upscale feminine presentation.  I honestly believe life is too short to wear pants and comfortable shoes.  Things might be different for me if I was living fulltime as a woman instead of only part-time.  I’m sure, for practicality’s sake, I would dress casually more often, but I know I’d still retain my penchant for a more upscale or girly-girl appearance.   Another one of my friends asked me one time if I worried that my appearance caused me to stand out.  She seemed to think it was important for me to blend in and not bring attention to myself.  I may not be typical in this regard, but I don’t actually want to blend in.  I’m proud of the effort I put into my appearance, and I like being noticed for it.  As I stated earlier, I will never be able to achieve true stealth, so for me, it seems wasted effort to try blending in.   I am comfortable with my feminine appearance, and occasional criticisms don’t bother me, but this wasn’t always the case.  For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.  Within the transgender community I kept hearing that it is more important to be comfortable and practical.  Dress casually and blend in seemed the general consensus.  Because my views were quite the opposite, I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t trans at all.  Maybe my perceptions regarding feminine appearance came from a completely different place.    The assumption I made was that instead of a “girly” feminine side driving my appearance motivations, maybe the catalyst was more akin to a fetish.  It was a sobering thought, but maybe I was in actuality, a prototypical transvestite?  For the longest time I couldn’t shake this concern, and it caused me to question everything I thought I knew about myself.  But the questioning phase, while difficult, turned out to actually be beneficial.   The first thing I questioned was why we want to blend in when we are trans, and the answer is, we have a legitimate reason for not wanting to stand out.  The second thing I questioned was whether cis women had the same concern about the need to blend in.  I think the answer is no.  In fact, there always seems to be levels of competition among women regarding their appearance, so in many instances they actually seek to stand out from their peers.    The desire to put so much effort into my appearance, while not typical for everyone, seems to be a fairly common female behavior.  Since the female half of my personality exhibits this behavior as well, I cling to the idea that just because I like to stand out doesn’t mean my motivations are fetish driven.  This was a happy epiphany for me, and it turns out the fetish concern and the questioning phase that followed, brought me to a clearer understanding of who I am.  Possessing a better understanding of why I am the way I am makes me comfortable expressing a feminine appearance that leans in a more girly-girl direction.   Ultimately, the way we choose to portray our gender identity is a personal choice.  Each of us has to be comfortable with that choice.  I’m a part-time woman, so consequently, things like GRS, HRT, or feminizing surgery aren’t the right choices for me.  Therefore, I rely on clothing, makeup, and other typically feminine fashion details to ensure I’m recognized as a woman.  I acknowledge that my choice may not be typical but it has proven to be extremely effective.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Mmindy
      I’m not a fan of Starbucks either. I love our little town cafe coffee, anytime of the day. Apple Pie is my go to treat. Today I had a wonderful omelette with my coffee.    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Ivy
      I thought this was interesting.   https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/05/06/trans-history-week/   There is a link to watch it.
    • Mmindy
      I’m on the other side of the imposter syndrome AMAB and on a slowed pace in transition.    Best wishes, stay positive and motivated    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ivy
      https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/mississippi-passes-bill-allowing?r=k5hac&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web   This part could be pretty bad-   "Lastly, it offers a “private right of action” that appears to be targeted at transgender people, allowing cisgender people to sue to prevent transgender people from using bathrooms aligned with their gender identity…"   I can see a potential for bathroom "vigilantes" to use this.  Just paying legal fees to defend yourself can ruin you, regardless of the outcome of the case.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It's all well and good, but the facts on the street will always be different than what is written on paper. It takes a very long time for an EEOC or OSHA complaint to get attention. For most people, the length of time between filing a complaint and something actually getting done means just finding a different job.
    • FelixThePickleMan
      As a transgender male often I feel as if I'm not viewed as man enough especially around other biological males. I often also feel as if I'm not enough in general not good enough to have the things that I have because I ruin everything and I feel like a phony when trying to pass. I look in the mirror and my outside appearance doesn't match the way I want to look and appear and my mom prevents me from reaching my maximum male potential and around my mom I'm always mis-genderd and she tells me that Im not a man and never will be one which plays into me feeling not man enough because I feel like I never will me the man I know I am. I don't know what to do with these feelings and thoughts.
    • Mirrabooka
      I was really lucky when I gave up smoking. I just decided one morning that I just didn't want to smoke anymore. That was back in 1996. The silly thing was, I still had a couple of packets left I and used them up! After that I only 'borrowed' less than a handful in the months after that and I haven't missed them since.      
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...