Just angry...one of the many phases of transition?

[GothicLucas]

I know that I've felt gender dysphoria, that much I'm sure of.

But I don't know what I want to do about it. I don't know how far to go. My focus always seems to be the clothes. I feel so good in menswear, or even in women's clothes that mimic menswear, but is that enough? I've always hated my reflection. I see a little girl who was playing around in big brother's closet. But I don't want to make permanent changes for aesthetic reasons. I get jealous when I see what testosterone does to other trans guys, until they grow beards and get ripped and generally take on a look that I don't identify with. I've always hated my breasts and love the feeling of having it flat thanks to binding magic, but if I get top surgery and nothing else, I'll proportionally be bottom heavy (hips), and won't that make me miss them? I don't know...

What kind of things am I supposed to ask a gender therapist? The first one I saw didn't believe I was transgender, and said some things that made me feel selfish and attention-seeking. The second one gave me creepy vibes and never challenged me or helped me deal with my emotions.

The current one is the first one who doesn't spend every session evaluating whether or not I'm really trans; she tells me if what we uncover in therapy leads to transition, that is perfectly ok. But she doesn't seem to have any questions for me. She doesn't even seem to understand what I want, even though I've told her. Are there certain questions I should be asking her? Just talking about my life doesn't seem to prompt anything, doesn't seem to help. I can't even pursue HRT or surgery at the moment, so that's out of the question. I wonder if there's something else I should be discussing with her, or should I just act as if I'm pursing those things so that I can be evaluated, so that I know if I'm even a candidate for them, or if I even want them?

Everyone says "you should visit a gender therapist if you have any confusion or any feelings to sort out," but what the heck are you supposed to talk about when you actually go and sit there with them??

[Ravin]

That right there is a good question to ask next time you see the therapist.

There are others who see themselves in the middle one way or another. It's an okay place to be if it feels right to you. You can even look for a doctor willing to work with you on low dose and/or limited duration HRT, that you stop if you experience side effects you don't want. Hair can be removed. Muscles don't come from HRT by itself, they take a lot of work to build.

And it's also perfectly legit not to want to change your body, or to just get surgery. The big thing is, can you be content? Not perfection, nobody has that, trans or cis.

[Charlize]

Lucas, I know i suffered what you are feeling now. When i went to a therapist the act of completely opening up and talking about all the feelings and experiences i had had was enough to help me. I can only say it helped. it did not make up my mind. Something inside changed to do that and even so doubts come now and again. Ravin is right. Step into this slowly, gradually I remember feeling a pressure from within to make a decision right away. I wanted the peace of knowing and then forgetting. I am there for the most part now but it is more because of an acceptance than a decision if that makes any sense. Take your time. Enjoy dressing and today as it is. Be yourself and just try to be as open and honest with your therapist as you can because you are actually being open about yourself. Your answers and path will come.

I also found that sharing here helped me articulate and accept my self and path.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Kayla Grace]

As far as I'm aware, a therapist's job is to delve deep into you and ask you questions - even when you don't give them a lot to work with. I think you've just had ba luck with therapists hun. Keep searching and you'll find a great one eventually