No label for me.

[Cosmo]

That about sums it up perfectly. I can't be pigeonholed into any neat category it seems. I'm either a mix of all or nothing. I know I live a life of contradictions.

I'm cis male who is keeping a normal as possible pre menopause female blood panel under medical supervision. I look in the mirror and I'm happy presenting as male. I'm a guy running on unleaded I like to say. Not my therapist nor my doctor can explain what seems to be my personal conundrum. What I can say that since I've been taking estradiol and spironolactone I've finally been happy with the reflection returned to me in the mirror. Until now I've had an unsettled life and career path. Now I've been able to be happy and stable.

On the outside I'm all male but inside the chemistry is female. I don't get it. I don't have a desire to transition physically, just a desire to have had the interior and exterior to match either way from the beginning.

[tracy_j]

Hi Cosmo

Hello and welcome

Many of us don't fit into a neat slot ( does anyone?). Don't worry about labels. They are for statisticians! It's how you feel that is important, and it is good that you are feeling better about yourself.

Personally I am physically male and not unhappy with that. I am mentally more female so there is a contradiction. Living somewhere in the middle is complicated so I spend my time jumping back and forth between the two. It makes life interesting but I don't know where it will end. I have learnt quite a lot about things and myself here.

Stick around and read a little. Post a bit and get to know a few people here. You will find you are not alone in feeling as you do.

Nice to meet you

Tracy x

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Cosmo,

Welcome to the playground! I agree with Tracy, don't worry too much about labels. Heck I am both intersexed, and transsexual. How do I see myself? I see myself as a woman named Stephanie. Be yourself, that's what really matters. If you haven't already done so, you might want to introduce yourself in the appropriate section. Also take a moment to read our terms, and conditions, you can find them at the bottom right of each page. You will find plenty of nice supportive folks here, enjoy!

hugs,

Stephanie

[Cosmo]

To tell the story of how I got to this point would be like building a watch when all that you wanted to know the time of day.

When I visited my counselor he asked if I wanted to transition to female. I answered a confident No. He replied so you want to remain male. Again I answered a confident No. He frowned and I replied What I want is for the candy bar to match the outside wrapper. I feel like I'm polar binary with a extreme male exterior presentation and the interior is extreme female. I don't know how this can be possible and it really gives me brain strain when I get to see into the infinite loop thinking about it. I told him however it is working I know that after exhaling for over half a century, I am finally happy with the reflection returned to me in the mirror in the morning. I no longer aspire to be something other than who I am.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

That is groovy, you can finally see your mirror reflection, and be happy with what you see. That is the goal of many, and not that easy to achieve for some. I have felt like I was as complex as a fine automatic watch at times, so I understand, and appreciate your analogy.

hugs,

Stephanie