Do I sound trans to you guys

[Frosty]

I feel like it's been there when I was really young like 10 but only for a night and then I was fine with being male again. Then a few years later I was convinced I was a girl this time it lasted longer and was stronger. Again it went away and I feel fine being male again. But I'm starting to realise I enjoy showing off my more girly features like wearing tighter pants and stuff even though I don't directly feel like being a girl right now. I still sometimes have a ' spark ' in me where I feel it not discontent rather this weird feeling of being really how do I put this maybe you guys can help me... kinda warm inside and I get like a small rush of girly thoughts and stuff I dont really remember because I haven't had it in a few weeks but oh well that's how i would describe it. Btw I only vaguely remember it when I was ten and it was one of those feelings you can't ever forget... it wasn't direct dysphoria yet I was crying and had a feeling of what it was. What do you guys think do you think it will be back? I really want to have your opinions before I rush into anything btw I was fully out for like 3 months and whenever I talked about it I felt embarrassed and funny could that have made it go away?

Some notes to take

The triggers are horrible

The jealousy is strong too

I don't really feel it in the morning more at night

I want to be trans and I don't know why

My triggers give me a crisis if its night and I don't get away from them

I feel the triggers less strong during the day

[Guest]

Hi Frosty, geez your asking the wrong girl with me? Though that sounds very common here. Only you can determine that.

Have you thought of using a gender therapist? Maybe study up on all things female to help fill up your curiosity?

Others here may have better help. I can say with confidence that transitioning is a life long deal, so maybe move in carefully.

If you like to dress up, you could leave it at that? That's the nice thing, you can stop at where ever your comfort level is. Hug. JodyAnn

[Frosty]

I just don't know because I don't know I'd be comfortable female but at the same time I like the thought. It just won't go away it felt like it went away for a while but now I am thinking about trans stuff again. I'm growing my hair out long and I like it so far. When I was like 10 I painted my nails and I had no idea why but I later regretted it. Also I cried about not being able to get my ears pierced. For hours.

[Frosty]

I'm afraid my head is making this up and I'm not actually trans which would suck cause then I couldn't leave this gender. I think.

[Guest Raya]

Hi Frosty, and welcome!

To me, it sounds like you have some gender dysphoria, but whether you are trans and/or want to transition is something you must work out over time, with some support and education. Lots to learn here, and of course, a gender therapist is great.

I think in general, you will want to take enough action to be comfortable with yourself, and there is a wide range- from simply accepting that everyone has some degree of femininity (and not supress it) to a full transition.

For me, just accepting that I was different, and that it was OK to be me, was huge. Life changing. Also simple and inexpensive, it just took some educarion and therapy.

This was progress, but is not my end point. Your path will differ, as you find what works for you.

Enjoy the journey, and I hope to see you around!

[Frosty]

I don't really want to stay the same it's not that fun just kinda drab like a weight. I know when my dysphoria was stronger around a few months ago I really enjoyed thinking girly thoughts it actually felt euphoric. But I think I came out to early and my dysphoria kinda dropped off. Probably from embarrassment from not being ready for anything and what was the euphoric feeling from, it happens when I completely forget about my birth gender and my dysphoria is in the strongest possible position and I flood my mind with girlish thoughts. Btw it feels weird to write girlish with me but I just can't stop.

[Guest Kaylee]

HI Frosty,

I would say that you are in good company here, and that while everyone has very different feelings about how far they want to go... most of us probably relate.

I was about 4 when I had my first memory of dysphoria, but most of the time, I was also "fine" being a boy. I would go a while, then .. WHAM! I'd struggle with it for a few weeks, dress as much as I could, then it would taper off.... for weeks, months, or even a year or more. Then... sure enough, it would come back again... stronger than before.

Personally, I think that stems from the fact that as with many things in life, you dip your toe in the water to see how far you want to go in. I started with wearing tights, then heels, then skirts. I dressed for Halloween, then sometimes between. Then wore womens things around the house (bicycle shorts, yoga pants). I always wished I had breasts.... I've personally missed not having them... but for most of my life, never really contemplated transition.

At some point, I realized that "dressing", simply wasn't enough for me, and that I wanted to live my life as female... despite all my masculine hobbies and qualities.

As the other ladies here have mentioned... "only you can prevent forest fires".... oh wait ha ha... only you can decide how far you want to go, how far to get in the water. It's not a race, and you have all the time you need.

In regards to coming out too soon... I wouldn't worry. If you have dysphoria, you certainly fit within the "transgender" umbrella. No one that has supported you in coming out will be upset that you have found yourself to be "gender-fluid" instead of wanting to transition.

You have a journey ahead of you... only you can decide when to exit the train

Hugs,

Kaylee

[MarcieMarie12]

Frosty, there are many here with similar stories. I say similar because everyone's path is different in many aspects. I went from crossdressing and purging to a 6-7 years of not feeling dysphoric to a great extent (found a girl, got married, thought I was cured/done with it). But the feelings came back even stronger than before. The fact that you feel drab could be a lot of things (including dysphoria), a good gender therapist would help you sort through these things.

I totally get the embarassment factor, that is one of the things I am working on. Take your time, this is not a race.

[Frosty]

The main question for me right now is do I actually have any dysphoria

[Frosty]

I thought I was cured to but my triggers are still readily available to be triggered

[Frosty]

So what do you guys think will it ever be back full blown strength

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I wish I could give you a direct answer whether you're trans or not; I really do. But I'm not you, and only you know if you're trans or not. Before I read Kaylee's response, I thought you might be a crossdresser, but as she said,

"... WHAM! I'd struggle with it for a few weeks, dress as much as I could, then it would taper off.... for weeks, months, or even a year or more. Then... sure enough, it would come back again... stronger than before."

Myself, I don't think I ever had the dysphoria at a young age, I just acted the way I wanted until I was deterred by members of my family and people at school. But I do want to make it clear that what's happened in the past is just that, in the past. It's the here and now that matters.

[Frosty]

I love this website it feels good to just get it out

[Frosty]

Btw I love that feeling where I talk to a boy as a girl it has this weird nice feeling

[Frosty]

I couldn't be a cross dresser I would require hormones before I wore girl clothes out. Before now I was bent on transitioning. Until. It just dropped off I think I was going to fast and I scared the real me away. Hopefully not forever. The way I enjoyed myself was visualizing myself as a girl. Might I mention I've had dreams of being a girl and a boy. Not to mention I painted my nails when I didn't even know I had dysphoria. I don't want to be CD if anything I would want to be TS. I generally always think of my trans. No matter how hard I try I will always think of something dysphoric "normal" people don't constantly think about it.

[MaryEllen]

Frosty, The best thing you could do right now is schedule some visits with a gender therapist. The therapist won't tell you what you are but he or she will set you on the right path to self discovery. You might want to consider doing this.

MaryEllen

[Frosty]

Sorry I'm just not ready for that. And also I'm afraid I won't turn out as TS

[MaryEllen]

And also I'm afraid I won't turn out as TS

That's exactly what a gender therapist will help you to determine. Wouldn't you rather know whether or not you are TS than to live a life of indecision?

MaryEllen

[Frosty]

It's just I have severe doubts and I wouldn't really be pleased if I wasn't TS I enjoy life at least thinking I'm different from all the boys. I remember when everything was clear to me... everything that happened in the clearance state was wonderful. When I was talked to like a female I was embarrassed yet I liked it. Btw I've had so so severe anxiety my whole life and it'd be nice to know what causes such such horrible panic attacks. And one reason I think I'm TS is the triggers are so strong like dipping me into acid. When I first came on here I was overwhelmed with all the happy stories of transitioning and it created a crisis where I feel all of these mixed emotions in one where it won't go away for 5-20 minutes, anxiety,depression and just these weird sense of energy build up and clenching

[Frosty]

Also what comes with these crisis is non-stop crying. It feels like I can control it but I just can't

[MaryEllen]

I understand your fears and anxiety. Fear of the unknown can shut down even the strongest of people so I know where you're coming from. We can give you advice but ultimately it has to be your decision. I still think you should counsel with a gender therapist or any therapist for that matter. They could help you figure out what's causing your panic attacks. If you're hesitant about seeing one in person, there are many who counsel by phone or Skype sessions. You wouldn't have to leave the safety of your home and you could cut it off immediately if it turns out you couldn't handle it.

What ever you decide, I do wish you well.

Hugs,

MaryEllen

[Frosty]

All I know right now is this metaphorical is something permanent. I've had it multiple times before and it just keeps coming back it's stubborn! I've felt it when I was 10 I just learned about trans and I couldn't stop bawling. I remember vaguely feeling misplaced is this normal?

[Guest Raya]

well Frosty, I definitely felt out of place, and it made me very sad. And in an earlier reply you mentioned that you enjoyed thinking you were different than all the boys- right on, dare to be different! I am so done with the macho crap, regardless of what else happens.

And my earlier post about therapy, and Mary Ellen's, well we've found it works. Real well. Please be open to getting a pro on your side- regardless of trans issues, I've found it to be life changing. (in a good way

[Frosty]

Not metaphorical dysphoria

[Guest So-kool]

Hi Frosty,

I would say you have definate signs of dysphoria!

In my case (like many others) it starts with a little tiny thought in the younger years.

The intensity grows over time.

Ignoring it becomes harder and harder.

I found relief when i would give in to the consuming thoughts and urges!

Then it would be gone... Then it would return!

This cycle is also very common.

I feel helpless to stop the cycle.

Even now I consider myself to be living as full time female and I still get thoughts of "i need to do one more thing to feel happy as a female"

And then i also get thoughts of " why do I feel this NEED?!" "What the heck do I have to gain?! "

Now that I am full time fem, i still get the "clarity" moments where I feel I dont need to present as female but now it has become my recognized identity. and, .. well,...now im kinda stuck with it for now. Imagine my situation as being the direct opposite of what it used to be.

Instead of living as a male with a little female inside, i now feel I am living as a female with a little male inside.

The difference i suppose is that my male side does not feel the urge to come out as my female side has! Its almost as if my male side is saying "i'm still here if you want me... But i will keep quiet and let you do your thing, just know that I am here in the back ground"

My female side was like " i'm here in the back ground and I am waiting patiently.. I am getting less patient... Ok! I have waited Long enough!

I WANT OUT !!!

You dont just wake up one day with all the answers on how to manage your own dysphoria.

You need to find what works for you and just rest assured that uncertainty and doubt are common.

How could you not doubt something that comes and goes... Ebs and flows. Pushes and pulls, affirms and denys ?!!

I would suggest cross dressing in private for a bit until the cross dressing feels like something you want to do in public. That is when

I would seek a therapist. In my opinion that is when dysphoria changes from a personal preference to a change in identity on the horizon.

That's just my 2 cents worth... Hope it helps.