Post Op End Of HRT

[VickySGV]

I began my HRT (Cross gender hormones) Estrogen on July 6, 2009 and have been on them every day via oral sublingual intake except for the day of my SRS. Today I have stopped taking them due to a medical condition which my Endocrinologist has decided that the hormone will make worse, and which could be fatal.

I am heartbroken by this since taking my HRT meds everyday has been an affirmation of an identity that I sought so long to find and validate. Taking the two tiny pills and putting them under my tongue each morning for 6 years and 3.5 months has confirmed and celebrated my discovery of who and what my true and authentic self is and has been ever since birth. I have briefly thought that I would prefer to take the potentially fatal consequences than to give them up, but the thought was only for a few minutes. The idea has also given me doubts of my status among my Trans* friends, and there was also a moment or two where limited de-transition was on the table. Good sense tells me that as a post op SRS with no Testosterone in my system that I am still very much part of Trans*dom and that there is only a slight chance of reverting to my old male body defects. I am nearing 68 years old, and my endocrinologist has told me that really at my age, cis women do not have Estrogen in their bodies either, so I doubt that even 6 months from now when they are sure I am out of danger on the medical issue that they will be prescribed for me again. Put in simple terms, I am an old Trans* lady, and that hurts when it was only 7 years ago that I fully came out as Transsexual to myself and my therapists. I am not my calendar age in Identity years.

The condition is a blood clot loose in my leg, and I appear to be out of imminent danger of serious health risks, and at the minute, aside from this issue I am in the best health I have been in decades. I have my female body, including breasts that have already had their own medical scare, that should not have any change backwards. I am going to miss the daily affirmation of having the hormones and what they have meant in affirming my True Identity. I am proud to be Trans* and proud of the journey I have made, but I am going to need some time to fully understand that going off of them does not and will not change who I am.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

I think you posted a good view of this for folks our age. While I envy those our age who get a buzz taking hormones, I don't think the risks are worth it. Without T, I can go to my girly side with much more ease. E would be nice but, at my age, I don't think it would give me much. For most people its about social norms. They identify as grandma or grandpa and all that. Some say, thank God that's over!

I keep wanting Youth Replacement Therapy regardless of the effects on gender. But, that's just me!

Hormones or not, at this point, your not going back and it even may reveal new things about yourself?

[Charlize]

I suffered being taken off several times due to health concerns. I cried and felt much as you describe except that i didn't consider going back even though at the time the T flowed back into my system. You fortunately won't feel that discomfort. It is one of those things we have to accept if we do what our doctors recommend. I'm sorry you have to go through these feelings but with any luck you will be able to enjoy a long life as an older woman with improving health. My mother used to say that after 65 it was just patching up broken bits. I feel that way at times but am enjoying this part of my life. I see you doing the same thing. Just another patch.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

Just heard from my Endo, she and my Gynecologist have already discussed the idea of a Transdermal patch when I am off of blood thinners. WOW!!

[Guest cerise]

Sounds like welcome news.

I am hoping my body and moods will welcome get if I am allowed to go in it so I understand your concerns.

I have been consoling myself with searching within and without for a female spirituality while I wait.

Hugs Cerise:)

[Guest]

Awesome news about the patch,Vicky.

[Guest AllisonRae]

Wonderful news Vicky. If your insurance covers it the patch is wonderful!

Hugs

Allison

[Charlize]

Great Vicky. Trans dermal is a much safer route and from experience i know that it has made the physical changes and continues to keep my emotional self on track.

Congratulations....now blast that darn clot.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

One day at a time for 180 is what I need to get in here to find out what will happen. I want the clot to gradually melt not blast!! That is the idea anyway,

[Guest Ashley40]

Relax Vicky: The sheer numbers of long term and "older" posties who go off estrogen is quite significant. If you achieved the congruence you needed by having sex change surgery, estrogen really doesn't do much.

[VickySGV]

Now that the shock and abruptness of going off the hormones is over, I am just doing life one day at a time, with no special problems, and as many at this site know, a lot of my posting is for the reading of others who may face similar things in their future. Life will be LIFE here, and nothing else. I do know quite a number of other posties IRL and have gotten the necessary hugs and other affirmation of who I am to them, and it does not depend on the 'mones at all. I knew that on day 1 but as I said, growing older when I am just in my "teen" years makes me feel a little lost. I am fine, and busy doing what I like.