Mental Health And Transition?

[Guest kirsty]

I hope I am posting in the correct place, sorry if not - I'm new

I have something that has been playing on my mind recently. I guess first I should explain a little background information before I continue so it all makes sense. Like many I have felt all my life that something was wrong with my gender and that I should have been born female. I fought against these feeling for a long time before telling my parents or anyone else about this. When I first told my parents they thought that It was not serious, you see a year before me telling them I had a nervous breakdown and tried to end my life on several occasions. My parents put my gender issues down to the fact that I was suffering with mental health problems. Although they did eventually come round I never felt they took me all that seriously and humored me rather than supported me at times. I eventually agreed with my mom that I would give up my transition and for the sake of my family I would live life unhappy and in denial as it was best for everyone else.

I recently realized that I could no longer go on like this and decided to do what is best for myself and began my transition again. But what I am worried about is, when I have to see my Psychiatrist, are they going to take me seriously or just think that this is part of my mental health problems. I was diagnosed with Bipolar and put on strong medication some time back now and I am scared that nobody is going to take me seriously because of these problems.

I have not told my parents that I am doing this, although I think they may have guessed and read the signs, it's just easier not to talk to them about it.

[Guest nova]

Kirsty,

I too am bipolar. In fact, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and gender identity disorder in the psychiatric hospital by the same doctor after one of my suicide attempts. Now I'm just relating my own experience, but I was not allowed to start transitioning until my bipolar disorder was stabilized, which took quite some doing in my case. There was never any question about my GID (I prefer transsexualism) being separate and distinct from the bipolar. I think being treated for GID and going through transition did more for my health than anything. I am happy, and I am proud to be me. There's 'no shame in my game'. Go to the therapist, if it doesn't feel right, you're free to shop around. They're not all the same. I've been to to so many different therapists, psychiatrists, and primary care doctors . . . it's ridiculous.

[Guest sphere]

I have the exact same worries. I have depression, OCD, and anxiety problems--my sister just thinks I'm a hypochondriac (which explains why every time I self-diagnose myself with something, it turns out to be true), my dad thinks I have no credibility either, and my mom--who knows what she thinks!

I think though, you should be in a more stable sort of mental condition before trying to transition. Taking SSRIs helped even me out a bit, but I haven't even seen a gender therapist yet, so I can't say what their standards are in the area of mental health from personal experience.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Older person here

I think everyone needs to understand that the exact reverse may be in play.

Laura has researched suicide within our transsexual community. It's extremely prevelant! Look at her introduction on this. Laura's Playground is also a Suicide Prevention Site.

SO - what I mean is those of you who have self distructive tendancies (epecially younger people here) are not necessarily 'also' and 'coincidentally' having Gender Dysphoria conditions. You have a Gender Dysphoria condition that LEADS to self distructive tendancies.

So trying to address the suicidal tendancies WITHOUT considering the Gender Dysphoria first, is a complete waste of time.

Going to a properly trained Gender Dysphoria therapist is the key here. A general therapist will miss the whole problem.

You despise your apparent birth assignment sex, and identify differently than what your body presents you as, to the world.

So please consider gender specialist therapists as a way to settle your life crisises - these people will help you look for options to resolve your depression and angst. The other conditions should diminish if you can resolve the gender thing.

Oh yes, I am NOT a therapist. This is just my opinion.

Aunt Lizzy

[Guest kirsty]

Thanks Lizzy, This is the way that I have felt. I do not feel my mental health issues will get better until I fully confront having Gender Dysphoria with a trained professional. My only worries are that over in the UK the medical system is different from that of the US and others. I mean, do I go down the road of the NHS (National Health Service) who will refer me to an endocrinologist, or are their private options that I could pursue? I guess I need to find someone from the UK to see how they managed. Thank you for the advice though, its been a great help.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Kirsty......

I feel that I must post to this because it hits so close to home for me...

I was miserable, angry, depressed, hated myself and a myirid of other problems......

Well, I came out to my wife last year in November...I just couldn't go on and it was my very last effort.....I had reached the end...so many problems, I was a mess.......

And then..........

It was so weird.....everything began to make sense to me and the anger, depression, misery all just left of their own accord! What was that about????? I didn't understand at all...

Well, when I started seeing my therapist I told him that I had become happy but, I could not understand what happened to all of those terrible feelings.

"Easy" he said........When you are Gender Dysphoric, most of your other problems are rooted in the Dysphoria...not the other way around. When you accept and understand your Dysphoria, so many of the other things clear themselves up!

I'm a totally different person now......Happy, kind, loving, honest and I don't have to make any effort at all...it's just there!

So, there you go, Sweetie...true story....and my transition is moving along smoothly ....

Happy, Happy girl...

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WOW

That Donna Jean! Perfect answer!

My therapist said just about the exact same thing!

I wish I knew more about GB - if you have enough postings you can private message people. you might look for some on your side of the pond who know more about the options.

Lizzy

[Paula ult]

Yup Donna Jean is right on, i felt the same way, depressed, angry, introverted, shy and towards the end people avoided me like the plague. I didn't start to get over these horrible feelings till after my very first therapy session when my therapist confirmed what had known all my life, notice i did not say diagnose, we self diagnose and the therapist is there to help guide us. These days I'm happy, more outgoing and friendly. I have been on hrt 11 months now and can't wait to go full time.

HUGS!

Paula

[Guest kirsty]

Kirsty......

I feel that I must post to this because it hits so close to home for me...

I was miserable, angry, depressed, hated myself and a myirid of other problems......

Well, I came out to my wife last year in November...I just couldn't go on and it was my very last effort.....I had reached the end...so many problems, I was a mess.......

And then..........

It was so weird.....everything began to make sense to me and the anger, depression, misery all just left of their own accord! What was that about????? I didn't understand at all...

Well, when I started seeing my therapist I told him that I had become happy but, I could not understand what happened to all of those terrible feelings.

"Easy" he said........When you are Gender Dysphoric, most of your other problems are rooted in the Dysphoria...not the other way around. When you accept and understand your Dysphoria, so many of the other things clear themselves up!

I'm a totally different person now......Happy, kind, loving, honest and I don't have to make any effort at all...it's just there!

So, there you go, Sweetie...true story....and my transition is moving along smoothly ....

Happy, Happy girl...

Donna Jean

Thanks Donna Jean

I know exactly what you mean. I guess I have nothing to worry about if my therapist has the same attitude as yours. Now all I have to do is make my family understand. Strange, i always though my father would have the most problem with it, but he is not too bad. It's my mum that seems to be the main problem with this.

[Guest uscgvet]

A quick question - I don't plan to come out to my mother because she's 85 and just lost my dad suddenly. I have bipolar and my only family, my brother and sister-in-law, have never taken me seriously about anything due to my having very poor judgment for 20 years with virtually untreated (VA) bipolar. (Not that they ever made the slightest effort to back me up or support me, and I think overall they simply have no respect for me and are faking being supportive.) So if I come out FtM to them I think I will just get another boatload of disrespect. Why bother? Why not just leave them behind and go on with my life anew? I don't owe them anything. They will probably just make me feel worse. Comments?

[Guest Eth]

A quick question - I don't plan to come out to my mother because she's 85 and just lost my dad suddenly. I have bipolar and my only family, my brother and sister-in-law, have never taken me seriously about anything due to my having very poor judgment for 20 years with virtually untreated (VA) bipolar. (Not that they ever made the slightest effort to back me up or support me, and I think overall they simply have no respect for me and are faking being supportive.) So if I come out FtM to them I think I will just get another boatload of disrespect. Why bother? Why not just leave them behind and go on with my life anew? I don't owe them anything. They will probably just make me feel worse. Comments?

Personally, I think as long as you're not relying on them for anything (financially, a home, etc.), then if you think that it's not worth putting up with them emotionally, you should move on with your life. It's exactly as you said; why bother? If they're just going to disrespect you as a person no matter what you do, who really needs them?

Note that I can relate a lot as I'm going up end up leaving most, if not all of my family behind in the next couple years. I feel like... If they couldn't be there for me, what am I doing bending over backwards to be there for them?

[Guest ricka]

A quick question - I don't plan to come out to my mother because she's 85 and just lost my dad suddenly. I have bipolar and my only family, my brother and sister-in-law, have never taken me seriously about anything due to my having very poor judgment for 20 years with virtually untreated (VA) bipolar. (Not that they ever made the slightest effort to back me up or support me, and I think overall they simply have no respect for me and are faking being supportive.) So if I come out FtM to them I think I will just get another boatload of disrespect. Why bother? Why not just leave them behind and go on with my life anew? I don't owe them anything. They will probably just make me feel worse. Comments?

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IMHO coming out to anyone whom you do not anticipate to be supportive or even willing to try and be understanding is self-abuse. I feel like a person whom I know to be condemning and judgemental (like the majority of my family and I love them dearly!) simply does not have the right (or privilege) to know the real me. I grew up never having been allowed to be myself or have my own thoughts and and feelings on any level so why would I want to go back to that. It has taken me a long time to come to a place of acceptance of others regardless of how they felt about me, but seeking out non-acceptance---I'm afraid not. There are simply some people who do not have the capacity in their hearts to be accepting of people who are different than who they believe they should be. Coming out to these folks is not going to embue them with that capacity. The silver lining of my upbringing is that it gave me the opportunity to experience how it feels to be born "different" regardless of the reason.

ricka

[Guest ricka]

I eventually agreed with my mom that I would give up my transition and for the sake of my family I would live life unhappy and in denial as it was best for everyone else.

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Kirsty---a family is meant to function for the good of each family member, not the other way around. A dysfunctional family is simply where the individual lives and functions for the "good" of the family and so must play an assigned role rather be themselves.

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I recently realized that I could no longer go on like this and decided to do what is best for myself and began my transition again. But what I am worried about is, when I have to see my Psychiatrist, are they going to take me seriously or just think that this is part of my mental health problems. I was diagnosed with Bipolar and put on strong medication some time back now and I am scared that nobody is going to take me seriously because of these problems.

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Hun, if your psychiatrist doesn't take you serviously and acknowledge that gender dysphoria and bi-polar disorder, though sharing symptoms are two distinctively different disorders I'd find another therapist that is more knowledgable. Dysphoria is after all simply depression, the root being in conflicts around our gender identity. Depression of any kind can respond to anti-depressant medication. As others on this thread have posted gender dysphoria was at the root of their depression, while others do suffer from other disorders as well. I suspect that gender dysphoria make other disorders worse and once the former is resolved the later may be a lot better or even dissappear.

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I have not told my parents that I am doing this, although I think they may have guessed and read the signs, it's just easier not to talk to them about it.

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Kirsty, I don't know how old you are or what the laws are in the UK around being a minor and being able to give consent for psychiatric treatment. In the state where I live the age of consent is 14 independent of parental consent.

Ricka

[Guest uscgvet]

Thanks for the validation. I really will start my life new!

[Guest Rebecca Quentin]

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IMHO coming out to anyone whom you do not anticipate to be supportive or even willing to try and be understanding is self-abuse. I feel like a person whom I know to be condemning and judgemental (like the majority of my family and I love them dearly!) simply does not have the right (or privilege) to know the real me. I grew up never having been allowed to be myself or have my own thoughts and and feelings on any level so why would I want to go back to that. It has taken me a long time to come to a place of acceptance of others regardless of how they felt about me, but seeking out non-acceptance---I'm afraid not. There are simply some people who do not have the capacity in their hearts to be accepting of people who are different than who they believe they should be. Coming out to these folks is not going to embue them with that capacity. The silver lining of my upbringing is that it gave me the opportunity to experience how it feels to be born "different" regardless of the reason.

ricka

I found your response (above) very interesting Ricka, because it seems to fairly closely mirror my own upbringing, experiences and feelings about it all. My parents are recently retired and are very conservative indeed. In fact, I think (particularly with my mother) that their bigoted, racist and homophobic opinions are becoming stronger than ever before. I, on the other hand, have always been very liberal and independently minded. My friends all know that I am gay and a cross-dresser (currently in need of a gender-therapist as it seems to be much more than just CDing). My brother, sister and aunt all know I'm gay etc, but I know for an absolute fact that my parents would never accept me being either gay or a CD or TS. They hold absolute to the belief that "their way" of living is right, and that liberal or different or creative people, or people who dye their hair or dress or behave in any way that makes them "different" to the norm are wrong...no questions asked!

So, instead I have chosen to push them away first rather than risk a total meltdown confrontation which I might not be able to cope with emotionally or mentally. The problem with all this is that, from my parents' point of view, they don't understand why I want nothing to do with them because for all the problems, they were very good parents to raise me when I was a child. I never wanted for anything, they made sure to push me to learn and pass my school exams well and gave me all the opportunities of an affluent home such as music lessons, swimming lessons and so on. But, whilst this caused me much guilt for a long time about pushing them away, I feel its the only choice I have, to not do so will just result on continued arguments and friction with them which would only serve to cause both myself & them misery. Better, despite all its problems, I think is to get on with my own life independently.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Donna Jeans response was great, and probably true for most people here. But, in the case of a legitimate psychiatric disorder along with the dysphoria, I don't think it would necessarily prevent you from being diagnosed with GID, but your therapist may wish to have more sessions than is usual before drawing that conclusion.