trans-alcoholic connection

[Robin Silk]

hi all

i have been thinking alot about the connection between my behaviors relating to alcohol abuse and transgender feelings. i did alot of drinking especially in social situations where i would just keep drinking way past being drunk until all the booze was gone or i was passed out. i would be very touchy feely and over the top happy with strangers and friends and it would be the only time i would be able to approach girls that i liked. my transgender feelings were very compartmentalized like living two separate lives with my feminine side being a total secret. i am sure 40 years of living like this has taken a toll and always wondered if i quit drinking would my TG feeling go away? i quit drinking and drugs 2.5 years ago and was left with no way to deal with the emotions i had been suppressing for so long. AA has been so beneficial in getting my life on track in handling the daily situations and acceptance of myself and the people places and events that are around me. i hear alot of stories of isolation in AA that seem to match my situation of this feeling of not fitting in with the guys or girls. part of my recovery has to involve having a deeper understanding of my TG feelings with more acceptance and peace with who i am. by the way the female side did not disappear in sobriety...suprise! just some random thoughts after my morning AA meeting, i am grateful to have a forum to discuss not only TG issues but my sobriety also...thanks Laura

[Guest Kayla Grace]

There is no cure that I know of for being Trans*. If nothing else intoxication might press the pause button, or it might intensify the affect like it did with me. I realized who and what I wanted to be while under the influence, so take from that what you will. With me, intoxication opened my mind to new ideas, and I don't think I would have ever figured it out without it; at least not as quickly as I did. I'm not saying go and binge drink or do drugs, but don't beat yourself up over it. Many of us here have had issues with drugs and/or alcohol. It's nothing to be ashamed of

[Michelle 2010]

On the back of AA yearly medallions it says "to thine own self be true" . For some of us that is a more harrowing journey than for others, no? I was sober six years, sponsoring others, trying to live a spiritual life and still in the closet. Thank god I came out before the divorce papers were served... If I had been single and in the closet, fearful of the ex gossip or exposure, it would have been very difficult to start over, date, etc. The Lord works in mysterious ways... Today I am happy and married, sponsoring, with no secrets, and comfortable being myself. Trusting God with the outcomes was very hard but it worked out well for me. If people gossip it is not my issue. I know I am loved and respected in the aa community. I felt I had died and gone to heaven when I asked female friends if they thought I would be accepted in women's meetings and they said yes. My personal balance is andro or nonbinary but I was able to explore myself in aa and find out what I needed to be true to myself. Best wishes in your journey.

M

[Drea]

I don't know a specific connection, but issues of substance abuse, social anxiety are quite commonplace among trans.

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing,

I am a trans* alcoholic who spent 3 years hiding in the rooms before i went to a women's meeting. Later i went to a GLB meeting for several years before coming out to my cis gendered home group. I feel so fortunate to have had a chance to be openly honest. If i were still drinking that would never have happened. Tonight i am happy to be leading a Skype trans* meeting. I am beginning to find peace with who i am and sobriety plays a big part in that.

Hugs,

Charlize an alcoholic

[VickySGV]

Robin -- my story is here

http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=33881

It sounds a heckuva lot like what you are going through and hopefully it can give you some insight. My Gender Therapy began as an offshoot of counseling for drug and alcohol addiction back in October 2008. I have not seen any thorough research that says that there are direct relations between between GD and addiction problems, but what my Addiction Medicine therapist linked into my life was simply that GD is a stress, and stress in my life was medicated by booze, which of course lead to more stress. As the child of an alcoholic household (where both sides had alcohol abuse problems -- both grandfathers, an uncle and my mother) I did in all likelihood have a central nervous system (CNS) structure set to be extra sensitive for addicting chemicals. It is, by the way, a structure that is being investigated in conjunction with both GD and GLB triggers. For me, the GD had been the stressor that sent me back after 16 years to my old devil the bottle. The control and recovery that is now 7 years in the making was to work on the GD ALONG WITH my program of recovery.

I have many friends in the Trans* community and take part in several other sites for addiction recovery. Those of us who are recovering addicts can trace the addiction possibility to some of the same stuff that makes Cis addicts addicts. What none of us can deny is that we used our chemicals to cope with our GD and our lives in the closet, or lives out of the closet where we were not accepted and allowed to be who we are inside. My program required sobriety first, sobriety maintenance second, and then dealing with my genders so that one and two could continue. My recognition of my difference as Trans* began long before I began abusing drugs or alcohol.

Moral:

There are Cis addicts who are not Trans* and who do not understand Trans*.

There are Trans* people who are NOT addicts but MAY have other emotional problems

There are Trans* people who do become addicts, but who live well in recovery.

There are Trans* people who become addicts, and "pursue there addictions to death or insanity" (Chapt 3 of Big Book)

[Charlize]

Taja, welcome to Laura's. You may want to post in the introduction forum as well as here.

I also had a drinking problem. I never thought i could stop. Alcohol had become such a part of my life. I was unable to see the damage it was doing to me. Somehow ( a miracle perhaps) i reached out for help and have found a wonderful life without alcohol. I can truthfully say that after many years of drinking living as a sober person has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams.

I'm glad you have been honest here. I and others are here to help as much as we can. You don't have to live as an addict anymore.

There is a solution that has worked for hundreds of thousands of people around the world. It has worked for me as well.

Hugs,

Charlize an alcoholic

[Charlize]

i found that while i was active in my addiction i was unable to deal with the other aspects of my life that needed attention. The solution i found was found in the rooms and steps of AA. Dealing with my dependency on alcohol was the most important thing in my life. It also gave me some tools to use with other problems. Odd that we think our drinking problem cannot be solved until the world becomes "perfect" for us. I was fortunate to find i can only start glimpsing that perfection after dealing with my addiction. Sobriety's provided me a solution and a life beyond my wildest dreams.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

I think the loneliness of not belonging contributes greatly to the desire to drink.

[Charlize]

My home group is a speakers meeting. I hear the stories of other alcoholics at least once a week as they share with the group. They are almost all straight and cis gendered folks in recovery. The feeling of being unique, not belonging or somehow different haunts most of them. Many start using so they can feel part of the in crowd or to loose the fear they have of others.

I don't think that trans* folks are at all unique in that feeling of not belonging. We may have more reason to feel that way but it appears to be almost universal to me. As a human i simply want to be loved as myself. I feared the bullies at school and they most likely acted as they did to avoid being bullied by others. Straight, gay, cis gendered, beautiful, ugly, and even trans* folks are all alike as humans.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

I concur with your opinion, Charlize. I initially drank, got drunk in groups/social situations to help let down some walls. But later drinking became something I do alone. The more I came face to face with Jennifer, the more I could not drink in social situations for fear of revealing too much.

But you are correct, no matter what our 'persuasion' may be, we certainly can all feel alone.

Well spoken.

Peace.

[TinaW]

I drank for two reasons. First as a "social lubricant," so I could feel like I fit in. Second, and most important, to repress my feelings.

Since getting sober (20 months next week) I am having to learn how to actually deal with my feelings. If I want to stay sober, I can no longer hide from my feelings, including my desire to transition, behind the bottle or the bong. I have to come to terms with it or perish.

There is a LGBT homegroup in my area but it meets when I'm usually at work. I'd be interested in checking out the Skype meeting.

[Charlize]

Congratulations on 20 months. That's huge. When i had that much time i was beginning to run into problems that i had put off by drink. Doing the steps helped a great deal. My sponsor was great but didn't understand my issues. He did listen and didn't react poorly. That alone helped.

Please take a moment and read some of the stories here. It helped me to know i wasn't alone in my addiction or with my gender issues.Zoom meetings. We have grown past Skype and the room is much better.

To get there you will need to join the tgaa site. Kate is our gatekeeper and greeter. The e-mail address to sign up is:

http://lists.oso-aa....istinfo/tggroup

it is a regular AA group attached to an online AA network. When you sign up ask for Stuarts address he will get you ready for the meetings. We have them at 7 mondays, 9 thursdays and 6 saturday. All are eastern times. Hope to see you there.

Hugs,

Charlize