Finally Me

[Dawn O'Day]

I want to thank my long time friend Deellen for listening to my story. I have never told it to anyone, just my little secret for 50 years.

As child my Mom would dress me in my sisters costumes ostensibly to try them on so she could see if they fit. My Mom was a seamstress and made all of her costumes. I was a living mannequin. But there was really no reason to make me up and tell me how cute I was..Then at ten I was molested by a family friend. I was already shy and I withdrew even more. I started sneaking Mom's smokes and her makeup she smoked 3 packs a day so she didn't miss them. But every time I wore the makeup I felt transformed. I struggled for years. My testes did not descend until I was 16. I had zits. I felt out of place being 6'3" as a man so you can imagine what 6'3" and dressed like a woman will be like. The makeup covered the zits and I felt beautiful.

In 72 I met Wendy and we married in 76. She was the love of my life. I was 21 and never had sex aside to having wet dreams which I thought meant I had cancer. We had sex every which way and it was great. But, in the background I had uncontrollable urges to see my female self. She caught me one day and that was it. I caught her in an affair a few months later and we split. I l lived alone for the next couple years and was dressing up most nights.

I met JoAnn in 1982 and we married in 84 had a son in 86. I didn't ever think I could be a good father and would be discovered and judged as a pervert. I was a very good father, I didn't even mind getting up in the middle of the night to bring him a bottle or change his diaper. I felt nurturing. A feeling I never got from my mother. My boy was my higher power. Then we had our little girl Dory. What a doll baby. But as she grew older I had a hard time not revealing my makeup tips to her. It was also hard to not add my 2 cents about her dressing style. Kind of conservative. And I liked costumes.

It has been hard keeping it from the kids. My wife has actually known about this since the beginning and taken a don't ask, don't tell attitude. You know one thing I learned. It is damn expensive being a woman.

My friend Deellen, and I were talking and through the conversation she said she had noticed that I am very emotional. I cry easily. Anyway I was boo hooing and mentioned that I like cross dressing. I don't know why, but I opened up to her. She told me "You gotta live" "time for you to step out and have some fun" So she invited me to Vegas to help me capture my femme side. She said "Hey just look at all the drag shows they have in Vegas" You'll be accepted.

I just want to have fun, Dance, go to see Zumanity, Maybe have a non alcoholic beverage. Share girl talk. Women are so much more interesting. Men know sports. Women know life. I just want to be me. No sexual advances please. I love women, Heck I want to be one.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Dawn,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

MaryEllen

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's dear. I was fortunate to have a friend who i could be myself with and who didn't think i was crazy. I will warn you of only one thing which you may already know. Being ourselves in the world for many of us becomes a need. it opens us up to our feelings. That can be a wonderful or a terrible result depending on how it proceeds. I'm glad you have joined us here. Your not alone.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Dawn. I'm glad you have an understanding friend, and a wife who is at least tolerating your femme side. If you do go to Vegas, you might want to check out a place called Just You. It is a boutique that will not only do your makeup and provide glamorous clothes, they can also arrange a night out on the town with other girls and you can have a wonderful time. I know someone who used their services every time she goes to Vegas.

Please feel free to post any questions or comments in any forum. We'll be here for you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[SoSarah]

Welcome Dawn, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas !...awh heck take it with you. Men know sports, Women know life ! I like that.

[DaHudie Biz]

On 2/1/2016 at 5:46 PM, Dawn O'Day said:

Men know sports. Women know life. I just want to be me. No sexual advances please. I love women, Heck I want to be one.

Amen.