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Timber Wolf

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Hi, I'm an addict called Timber Wolf,

I just got back from an NA meeting, my first one in 4 months. I've been so single mindedly focused on my transgender issues that I completely ignored my addiction recovery program. After all, I'm just 2 months shy of 10 years clean. I can afford to take a break from recovery, right?

Earlier this week, I woke up, still groggy from a nap, and started thinking out plans to get high. I started trying to decide what I wanted to get high on. That woke me up more and I said aloud, "Timber, (using my user name here) what are you doing?" I haven't thought about using to that degree in years! That really scared me.

No, I can't take a break from my recovery program! Addiction is non curable, it is always there. The most we can do is put it in remission through a recovery program. There is no "beating it". Complacency and over confidence are self defeating to an addict. Talk about having a shot fired accross my bow! Since then I still have that thought from time to time. I feel the temptation. My complacency has weakened my recovery.

Addiction is leathal! I've had two friends die from it. Both were overdoses, one intentional and one accidental. I still cry when I think of them, especially Kareena, the suicide. She was a beautiful soul who could brighten the world around her with her presence. And I still have Ryan's phone # on my refrigerator, I just can't bear to take it down. Perhaps that's why I cry when I hear of transgender suicides. Having such things in conmon brings it closer to home I guess. It makes me care.

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You can work a bit of your sobriety out here on the Playground. There are a good number of us here that know how to climb steps and work on them. Addiction is a serious problem with Trans* folk. On Sunday nights at 9pm Eastern time there is an AA-NA-*A chat in the Substance Abuse Chat-room that can be helpful. I was a moderator there for three years and would be there except for a Service commitment to an IRL Trans* group that meets on Sundays at the same time. Unlike most AA/NA meetings you discuss BOTH your addiction and you GD to your heart's content here at our meeting. You do need conscious work to survive both the addiction and the GD, and getting support from folks that do know who and what you are completely going through.

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Thank you for posting Timber. One of the best things i've found since starting transition was the support i got in sobriety for my brothers and sisters who were also both addicts and trans* folks. Topics like honesty and acceptance can take on new meanings. I have been blessed by finding in sobriety a way to help others while at the same time helping myself.

Dreams come to me as well. Sometimes they are so vivid i believe i've relapsed. Like you i need to tell on myself and continue to work on my sobriety each day. I have found that here at Laura's, at other trans* on line meetings as well as at my f2f meetings twice a week. I've got 9 years of sobriety but know that i only have the distance put between me and my addiction that i put there each day.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Yup, complacency is dangerous for me, and you would think I'd know beter, but as an addict I'm prone to addictive thinking. I really wish I could join your online chat style recovery meeting. My phone won't work in the chat rooms or meetings.? No Java app. My phone is my only access to the internet. My sponsor came and took me to the NA meeting last night. It was good, but it felt like only half my situation was being addressed. No one there understands transgender issues. They don't have to. It's strictly an NA meeting. There are no transgender or LGBT NA meetings around here. I was terribly disappointed when I discovered I couldn't access that meeting?. Oh well, it is what it is. I'm powerless to change it at this time.

Wow! I've rambled on longer than I had meant to. Thanks for the replies. I love ya guys and gals!❤

Timber Wolf?

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Timber perhaps you could contact another online group. I am a member of an online AA group that is alcoholic as well as trans*. We have forum type meetings as well as two Skype meetings. While your phone may not support the visual aspects of Skype we sometimes have folks listen and share using audio only if they can't make it otherwise. I know it is AA and not NA but i haven't heard anyone being upset by a different addiction. To join us e-mail [email protected]

Hugs,

Charlize

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Hi Timber, I"m glad you took that wake up call! And I am sorry to hear about your friends who didnt make it- there but for the grace of God go I. I had slacked way off in recovery, and when I finally looked honestly at myself trans-wise, the initial stress had me in a bad head space, and I knew I needed a meeting.

Back in AA groups, and openly fading into female, I was in a unique position today after church. We happened to still be there chatting, and a young lady in need of help stopped by- newly sober she had just been victimized, and was hungry, cold, and homeless. While feeding her and helping look up resources, I went to my car to get a notebook for her, and realized I had some new clothing bought yesterday she could use. Awkward place for me, but I thought she may really need it, so I just explained that I was trans, and had these things she was welcome to. She was grateful, and accepted the tops and socks (the granny panties, well, shoot, I am a grandy and she isnt ;) ) God works in odd ways!

So, we were able to connect her with support, and encourage her in sobriety

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  • Forum Moderator

Timber perhaps you could contact another online group. I am a member of an online AA group that is alcoholic as well as trans*. We have forum type meetings as well as two Skype meetings. While your phone may not support the visual aspects of Skype we sometimes have folks listen and share using audio only if they can't make it otherwise. I know it is AA and not NA but i haven't heard anyone being upset by a different addiction. To join us e-mail [email protected]

Hugs,

Charlize

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Hi everyone,

RE: Charlize

Thank you for the tip. I got signed up, but now I'm hopelessly lost. I don't know how to use the site. I'm so pathetically unknowledgeable about computor or internet type stuff.? They told me how to post something, but not how to read anything. How can I read posts that others write? Sorry for troubling you again.

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  • Forum Moderator

Timber, it is basically an e-mail site so if you send a message to that address you should get a response from Kate who is the greeter. You would read it just as you read any e-mail. If you haven't gotten a response by tonight (Monday). If not please PM me and i'll try to get you through as i can.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Thanks Charlize,

Shortly after my last reply, I got a flury of emails. I'll figure it out. Thank you!☺ By the way, in an earlier reply, I think you made a typo and called yourself f2f.? What would you like to be called?

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Sorry Timber Wolf but f2f is an acronym for "face to face" in this case referring to a real time real life meeting.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Ohhh, I guess if ignorance is bliss, I must be pretty happy! I didn't even know what lol meant until a week ago. I guess I just don't speak "chat" well.??

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Join the club. When i arrived here i didn't have a clue about many of the odd abbreviations. I asked a great many questions but even now i have to think about many. I like being ignorant enough to keep learning. Somehow if i knew it all it would be an awfully boring life.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Pssst... I like this guy! He's got a grip and a group. Giggle. He speaks our language.

I went to a nooner to an old home group today to find the disease has claimed another one of us. I'm glad you are here to tell us it didn't claim you. Hug. JodyAnn

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