"the Guys"

[Guest Jacobox]

I've been talking to my friends lately and they think that I should have more guy friends. Most of my friends are girls and I don't really have a good group of guys to hang out with. Do you think that it matters with you have a lot of girl friends and not a lot of guy friends? I need to have more guy friends though I think it would be cool to have "The Guys".

[Guest Little Sara]

I've been talking to my friends lately and they think that I should have more guy friends. Most of my friends are girls and I don't really have a good group of guys to hang out with. Do you think that it matters with you have a lot of girl friends and not a lot of guy friends? I need to have more guy friends though I think it would be cool to have "The Guys".

I have 1 guy friend, 1 girl friend.

Rest are online.

And personally, I don't think it matters.

[Guest April63]

It's good to be able to hang out with some guys as well as girls. Just do what you feel is comfortable. You do have some guy friends, right? You can hang out with them some of the time, and then hang out with the girls.

April

[Guest Leigh]

I've been talking to my friends lately and they think that I should have more guy friends. Most of my friends are girls and I don't really have a good group of guys to hang out with. Do you think that it matters with you have a lot of girl friends and not a lot of guy friends? I need to have more guy friends though I think it would be cool to have "The Guys".

i used to have a group of guy friends, and it was great cuz they always treated me like a guy, even though i wasn't out to them. still, eventually my relationships with them broke down because they couldn't really be ok with me...still not sure why cuz i never came out to them. so, its more about who will like you for who you are then guys vs. girls.

peace&love

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey Jaco,

I totally understand your need to be accepted!! I feel very confident when I am with a group of women and somebody says to me later... " Hey... I saw you, you and the girls, you women are really cute". Just in case you don't know I'm MTF, but the need is the same! For you, just start hanging with the guys! You will be accepted as they get to know you!! It takes time, so be patient!!

LOL

bernii

[Guest DanM]

They say you can never have too many friends, but I really don't think it matters much what their gender is as long as they are friends and not enemies.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I've always longed for a "the guys". Over the past 3 to 5 years, I've been closer to that an ever. However, as I've gotten older, I've just appreciated good people. They're hard to find sometimes! My close friend group consists of 3 guys and maybe 3 girls. I guess it's an even split.

I'm old though. It might be different when you become ancient.

[Guest Martin]

Growing up, I had more girl friends than guys friends, but always longed for more guy friends. I thought that would happen when I transitioned. It hasn't. In fact, I've only had a single close guy friend since I've transitioned, and he's FTM (and we're no longer friends because long distance friendships are too hard to maintain). I'd really like some more guy friends because I think there are things about manhood one can only learn from other men. However, I'm not sure how to make guy friends. I'm horrible at making friends, period - but listening to girls talk about their emotions can develop into friendships. That scenario doesn't play out very often among guys. Furthermore, I've been abused by guys and so have an irrational fear. I'm hoping I'll heal from that and that I'll figure out how to make friends.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I ended up being friends with guys because we like a lot of the same stuff. It seems like men's friendships often begin because of shared activities.

[Guest Jackson]

Now realize this is just my opinion. You can't have too many friends; however, one does need guy friends to be role models. I had a conversation about this with my therapist months ago. As an example, I went to a gathering of other transguys way back maybe eight or nine months ago. This was after six weeks of therapy and nothing else other than having a lot of guy friends. Now don't get me wrong, the guys in the group were cool, but I got the distinct impression that they were kind of intimidated by me. I couldn't figure out why other than that I had good bio-males for role models and they didn't. I actually have way more guy friends than girl friends and it's been that way for the last five or six years.

[Guest Pól_Eire]

I guess it matters to me because most of my friends are guys. Sometimes you have to be able to unwind and there's just stuff you can't discuss around girls (like, uh, girls, haha). Why do you want more guy friends though? Is it because you aren't getting along with your friends or do you just feel like you should have more guy friends on a theoretical level. Because you should become friends with people because you want to, not because your theoretical friend-gender ratio is off. I would say to not worry about it too much, and let things take their course.

-Pól

[Guest amie]

Be careful swimmin' with them sharks, Sweety.

I nowadayz have a pretty good collection of guy friends...and I prefer the company of the gay ones that know I'm a tranzgirl.

[Guest My_Genesis]

Growing up, I had more girl friends than guys friends, but always longed for more guy friends.

Yup same here...

I have a guy friend right now who, in the context of applying for housing for sophomore year said "I don't know what to do, all my friends are girls i don't know who I'd live with." So i asked him why all his friends are girls ((i thought that's kinda an odd social setup for a straight (bio)male lol) and he said something like guys are just immature and annoying and he can't stand them lol. so i guess there are bioguys out there who have fewer guy friends than i do which helps

yeah i dunno, i naturally am less socially awkward around guys (although im socially awkward in general anyway lol)

..im pretty mixed right now. another reason i get along better with guys though is their conversations generally don't get as personal. i don't like personal convos very much

plus sometimes i just don't get girls so i just get really uptight in convos lol. like "did i say something that might be interpreted as rude or offensive?" or "did i say something that will inadvertently make someone really mad?" that's kinda hapened to me before so i just can't predict anything anymore! LOL. so im very self-conscious around girls mainly with what I say. as a result there isn't a lot of actual "relatig" going on, im kinda just there...sometimes thinking about...other things

although since they all see me as a girl (guys i mean) i guess that essentially causes a social barrier...which, yes, i wish i could completely tear down sometime in the near future... :/

...im also not very concerned with the possibility of a barrier coming up between me and girls...i mean, hypothetically, if i were in a dorm environment i wouldn't be able to walk into or be in a room while girls are changing which i guess would be the only con in this case

[Guest leo]

iv always hung out with both but i get along better with guys, there is more to talk about!

but at my new work there are loads fo girls!! but i only hang out with guys from work outside of work

but have a mixed group of friends

[Guest bronx]

Comming from an older guy, I have always had both, male and female friends. I do diffrent things with each of them though. I like my female friends 'cause I learn what not to do as a guy and women tend to be very chatty and sometimes it's okay. The female friends i do have I've known forever even b4 transtion . When I'm with the guys I do more guy stuff and the relationship is different. My best friend is a bio-guy and he's really cool.

I think having both can be a really goo balance.

[Guest kirsty]

I don't think it matters who your friends are aslong as they are good friends are care about you and look after you. To me Gender is irrelevant where I'm concerned. In fact lol it's all irrelevant maybe. My best friend Is A YORKSHIRE TERRIER. Probably because he is the only one who is loyal to me.

[Guest Leigh]

you know, i've noticed a lot that younger generations seem to segregate themselves more (at least in the USA)... i always had a split group of friends growing up, but once i got older, i mostly hung out with guys... like leo said, there's just more to talk about. but i've never really had close friends who i could talk to about any of my gender issues...so, it really depends on what you're looking for in your friends.

peace&love

[Guest Jacobox]

For me at one point I had more guy friends than girls and I liked that, but now in high school I've gotten more girl friends than guys and I feel out of place with my friends. Don't get me wrong my friends are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but a part of me wants to experience the male bonding stuff and finally get to do guy stuff you know?

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Historically, I have always had more guy friends. My closest friends through most of my life have been guys, not girls. When I was a kid, I didn't get along with girls. As I got older, I did a better job of getting along with people who had different interests from me.

Jackson's right, you can't have too many friends. It's always good to be meeting new people...all kinds. Guys need guy role models. This is very true.

The important thing is to not get a case of the "shoulds". It'll drive you crazy. I keep getting the "shoulds" and it makes me think about all these things I should be doing, to the exclusion of what I can and want to be doing.

I know that there is value in having "the guys". This is a very cool thing. I longed for it myself for quite a while and enjoyed the times that it spontaneously materialized. One that that made me feel really horrible pre-transition was how I had almost all guy friends, but was shut out of "guy time" because of my gender. It wasn't on purpose, not in a willful, conscious sense. A lot of times it was driven by "organizational" factors. One instance that really stands out happened back in like 4th or 5th grade. My two best friends (both guys) were in Boy Scouts. Obviously I wasn't. There were lots of times when they'd go off and do stuff with their scout group...camping, etc... and I couldn't join in. No one would have thought to ask me. I wasn't really "allowed" to be there. If I'd have had girl friends, I guess that would have helped buffer me from the loneliness...maybe.

As I've gotten older, there are very few instances where that kind of thing happens anymore. For grown ups, there are fewer explicit gender boundaries on activities. I mean, there are still activities informally designated "guy" and "girl" activities, but it really is an arbitrary line. I know women who go to football games or fishing...and I know men who like to cook fancy meals. In my case, we end up doing a lot of the same stuff in mixed groups as we do in single gender groups. Even if we are planning to go out to flirt with girls or something, we take a girl buddy along to make us look less scary.

Social stuff is complicated. Fortunately I have so little free time that I don't have to deal with it all that often in real life.