Hi Im Jenna

[JennaMichelle]

hi everyone, My name is Jenna . im 31 and finally accepting myself for who I really am. I came out to my wife (of 11 years) just a few months ago about being trans and she is actually pretty cool with it ..holy cow I didn't expect things to go so smoothly with that ( been dressing daily for 3 years now with her being so supportive , mainly underdressing ) my wife has agreed to stay with me for the long haul and just work with it as she puts it lol....

ive been dealing with my trans feelings since I was 13 and have been living In secret for farrrr too long now. I am not yet out to anyone else besides my wife. unfortunately I own my own company ( in a very male field )...Im deathly afraid to deal with the fallout from coming out but the pain is unbearable now I need to be me. fortunately I do live in a friendly LGBT area ( cape cod ) and there are many awesome people here...sadly I don't have any friends that I know of in the LGBT community that's why im here.. im tired of reading articles I need human interaction. I enjoy fishing, clamming, hiking, boating, surfing, biking, shopping, sewing...generally im a very active and sporty person.

A wee bit of my story...well since 13 I have suffered from severe depression , un controllable rage out of frustration, and I was a functioning alcoholic until 3 years ago when I went cold turkey on it to work on my feelings rather than burying them. I have seemed to go threw very feminine phases until I feel like the monster I think I am or the feelings get out of control and then I always end up shaving my head and living in a depressed state for what feels like ages bringing everyone down around with me...I hate this part ugg.....the person I see in the mirror isn't me and I have to look away ( I rarely if ever look in a mirror now) I look down and don't see breasts that are supposed to be there uggg....anyways, on the positive side im growing my hair out permanately now im not looking back...im done holding back

As for the future I do plan on coming out to my parents and immediate family soon and I hope to start HRT ...still trying to get the courage up to call a therapist to help me with this.. how do I get on HRT anyways ....uggg my head is spinning, or ive had too much coffee lol ..Any suggestions here ?

thanks everyone, cant wait to meet some new friends

-Jenna

[MaryEllen]

Hello Jenna,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

MaryEllen

[Guest JuliaJem]

Hi, Jenna and welcome to the boards.

This is a great place for support and advice. If you do hope to transition, getting in touch with a gender therapist is the first step.

Cheers,

Julia

[tracy_j]

Hi Jenna

Welcome

There are plenty of friendly people here to share experiences with so read, post and ask questions to anything you are unsure of. Having an accepting and loving wife is really good as it cuts out what would be a really stressful situation. With good planning most, if not all, obsticles can be overcome. It is usually just a case of the best approach.

Looking forward to your input

Tracy x

[Guest KerryUK]

Hi Jenna,

Thank you for coming along and telling us about yourself - that in itself is a huge step. My friends above have already given some sound advice so I'll just say welcome and ask away - you'll get good and friendly advice here.

Kerry

[SoSarah]

Welcome Jenna, love Cape Cod !. I drove there years ago because that big hook on the map just had to explored. Provincetown at the tip is very LGBTQ friendly I found out later but I did find a great fish and chips place. Best wishes on your growth and your wife's too. Smiles... Sarah

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's Jenna.

I know Cape Cod pretty well as i used to spend vacations on Martha's Vineyard. Unfortunately my friends as well as my family have sold their places there so it is a bit beyond my budget now.

I don't know how close to Provincetown you are but there is a strong GLBT community there.

I had also stopped drinking when i arrived here but i had been going to AA where they recommend honesty and openness with at least one other person. I sounds you have that with your wife which is wonderful. I was too scared that i would loose mine and the farm but eventually i did get honest. I went to a Gender therapist and got honest. It was like a dam had broken and i felt a great deal of relief simply from seeing and opening up about my gender issues. Since then i have gone full time and made changes in both my body and my way of life.

I still work the farm only now i do it as myself. My clients don't seem to have any problem with me nor do those i hire on occasion to help.

Anyway Laura's was a great help. I hope you find that as well. You are not alone and as a mod who is no longer active here said: "we've got your back".

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Ladyinker]

Welcome to Laura's Jenna,

The people here are pretty nice and offer great advice.

Erin

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Jenna,

It's wonderful to meet you! Before I found Laura's, I was so alone I felt like I may as well have been on the moon. Article's and viseo's are helpful, but we need contact with others who understand and live many of the same issues we do. It makes so much difference. And the best news is, we never need to be alone again! I'm glad you're living in a LGBT friendy place. I'm afraid I live in a more LGBT unfriendly city, in one of the worst area's of town, right next door to one of the many local drug houses. If I stepped outside dressed as who and what I am, I could be in great danger.

Wow, did I ever drift off topic. Well anyway, I just wanted to welcome you to Laura's and tell you how glad I am you're here.

Timber Wolf?

[JennaMichelle]

thanks everyone for the welcoming and encouragement. Im glad I finally found a place I can connect with like minded individuals about these serious topics. it makes me feel a lot better that im not always talking my wifes ear off all the time lol. shes still coming to terms with the whole thing ,but looking forward to being my lover in a new way if you catch my drift.

Anyways, im sad to hear some of you don't have the opportunity to go out and be yourselves. Yes I get some weird looks from my neighbors when im splitting wood in yogas and a tank top but they get over it.. I live about 20 mls from P-town and besides the very friendly LGBTQ society , it is a very nice place to visit. however there is a dark side here that most visitors don't see...we all know what im talking about...the haters

SoSarah , you most likely had the awesome fish n' chips at the Bradford...they are a staple around here haha

Anyways, yesterday I scheduled my first appointment with a gender therapist..im so nervous about it ive never seen a shrink for anything before.. she seemed super nice on the phone and is more than qualified. I got her name from the local PFLAG web page and she has worked with numerous trans people so I hope she can help me on my path .

[KelcieK]

Welcome Jenna!

As with all of us, we can relate to how you feel. For myself, last April I came out to my wife and she has been very supportive of me. Also, I work in a male-oriented field and can understand the fear associated with being who you really are. I have found Laura's to be a great place of support! So again, Welcome!

Kelcie

[gennee]

A hearty welcome to Laura's, Jenna.

[Guest KerryUK]

I just wanted to say Jenna and Kelsie,

During the period I started transition and for my first year in my transition, I worked in a male oriented office. I couldn't have been in a better place because once they got used to the idea they actually turned out to be quite protective of me. I'm still friends with one guy from that office. Like I often say here - it's quite often those you expect to be the most hostile turn out to be your strongest ally and visa versa. Strange but true.

Kerry

[JennaMichelle]

JustMeUK, good to hear your experience worked out for the best!!.. unfortunately I own my own Welding company and there are literally only a handful of CIS girls in the field...im nervous because 90% of my customers are manly men and fishermen that hate on everything haha.. Im very nervous but strangely calm if that makes any sense. although it does help that I work alone and can hide in my welding gear lol. But dam sparks keep ruining my hair and the heat has split all my ends uggg, burnt ponytails sadden me

Kelcie, I think having a supportive wife has made all the difference for me as im sure you have found out also. we are still unsure will this make us a lesbian couple?? her and I still cant wrap our heads around that lol...

[bobbisue]

I think having a supportive wife has made all the difference for me as im sure you have found out also. we are still unsure will this make us a lesbian couple?? her and I still cant wrap our heads around that lol...

that makes you a couple that is what really matters

bobbisue

[JennaMichelle]

This is sooo true! its more her than me thinking about this . I'm just so happy and relieved that I came out to her first and she has agreed to stay my partner in crime

[Guest KerryUK]

Well Jenna, I was working in an IT office of 5 men. They were about as 'blokey' (and judgemental) as blokes can get. They regularly swore and used my worst word in the entire English language (it refers to a part of the female anatomy and begins in C) which I abhor. Anyway, within weeks (on my request) they started using that word less and less and after a while - if it slipped out I received a swift apology. So it is possible to make an effect and make your presence felt as a woman. What helped a lot though Jenna was that they realised that I was still the same person - the person they had liked and respected hadn't gone away, I was just slowly presenting differently. I still had the same sense of humour and was still good at my job so they soon realised this. Just my slant on things.

Now, about how others perceive you and your wife. Let me relate my situation and then you can make of that what you will. I am about 8 months off my 25 Wedding Anniversary with my wife. 4 years ago, I told her that I could no longer keep my 'cross dressing' confined to the house and that I needed to transition. We hadn't had a sexual relationship for at least 10 years and hadn't shared the same bed for almost as long. We were to all intents and purposes - best friends/soul mates. She is not lesbian and has no interest in other women and I knew that. So, I said to her that as we had been living more like best friends for years anyway, I hoped that we could continue to do the same. That was 4 years ago and she has stood by me - she literally is my best friend and soul mate. We don't share the same bed and we certainly don't have a sexual relationship. We often hug and sometimes snuggle up in bed together for a short while but we are not a lesbian couple. People who know us well know us as partners and those who don't know us so well know us as best friends. We go shopping together and look out for things that might suit the other, we go out for meals and drinks together and we go away on holidays together (these are all things that lots of women do together and we are no different). We've found what works for us. Some food for thought Jenna.

About that wedding anniversary. Well, when it comes - we shall be celebrating it and it will be either our:-

'25th Whatever Anniversary'

or

'25th Friendship Anniversary'

Kerry

[Guest Sarah1967]

Hi Jenna and Welcome

[Guest erinanita]

Welcome to the playground Jenna and Kelcie,

I always enjoy hearing about those of us that are transitioning or have transitioned and are still part of a couple. I feel so much similarity. My profile from 2010 talks about my partner's refusal to stay with me if I either changed my name or had surgery. I changed my name in 2011 and had surgery in 2012 with her blessing. And for many years she was worried about being seen as a lesbian. It wasn't about the way we saw ourselves; we hadn't had an active sex life in years. Besides, I told her before we were married that I had a very low sex drive, supposedly because of my Klinefelters Syndrome, as we called it then. She is still my best friend and we celebrated 30 years of marriage last Monday.

I have also several friends in AA, but the best is my sponsor. We talk lots about my journey and it's only been in the last week or so that he actually understood my journey. I present and am totally accepted as a female but in reality I'm neither male nor female. I have discussed my position with several guys and girls in the program and am accepted as a female and treated like a lady. I'm still getting used to that. One thing that I do differently in the group is that I refuse to shake hands with anyone. I insist on a hug. I love my group and my program.

We, my partner and I, also spend time with other trans couples and we try to work with newer people in the trans way of life, whether it' in bars, or a theatres, or in someone's home at a potluck meal and an evening of cards and/or games. In 2007, we started a support group for cross dressers and trans people and we focused on couples. Only trouble was that as many of the group members "finished their journey" they broke away from the group and went on their ways. Our group is still active in a much smaller way and it will go on forever, I believe. However, I felt the need to go back to AA two and a half years ago and that's where I learned "To Thine Own Self Be True".

It is a wonderful journey and it will go on forever.

(((Hugs)))

Thtufus

[Robin Silk]

hi Jenna

welcome! what a great place to live to be close to TG activities and support. i have the same situation with my wife...it is great to be out and have the support from my wife. enjoy all the great girls and wonderful info available here. Robin