I need to face the true me

[Charlize]

8

April

AN INSIDE LOOK

We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 43

Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatens-my self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist; without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward.

I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God's power to face the person I've feared the most, the true me, the person God cre-ated me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

This passage from the daily reflections really struck me this morning. I once thought that my gender issues were warped natural desires. That may well have contributed to my addiction to alcohol. I must look at the true me. In my case that includes my gender issues. i have to understand that their is nothing to fear in honestly accepting myself as i am. As i look back at my path i'm beginning to understand that it was that fear and the dishonesty it caused that was warped. If i can remember that each day i can find freedom and the peace it brings.

"By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction."

Hugs,

Charlize

[SoSarah]

Charlize thanks for writing about something so personnel, my dad was a member of AA and talked about the twelve steps all the time. 35 years he was a non acholic drinking participant untill his passing. I drank once a year at the annual campout with school buddies for 25 years, but while I worked hard at my job to mask Sarah by being successful, he (me) was promoted. The stress was unbearable and not facing Sarah so he and his income could afford to give my family the life I never had, I chose drinking like a sieve to self medicate. The real nightmares came my way and I did look in the mirror (whice was in a nursing home) finnaly accepting who I saw. With this said the drinking stopped. I would like to claim it was all of that ...but as you know, honesty with youself is a major player in combating a goal not to drink. It took my stroke which stress any drinking out of guilt played a big part. Always learn something from your post. Smile's... Sarah