8 weeks into transition after cosmetic surgery

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Hi Laura's! It's been a long time since I've posted here.

Just wanted to share a bit. I've been on HRT for a little over 6 years now but until a couple months ago I was yet to "transition". I don't exactly have the most feminine style or attitude, and hormones + hair removal alone weren't quite enough to make strangers see me as a woman. I would get called "ma'am" on occasion, but usually from people who didn't sound too sure of themselves and usually also ended up calling me "sir" in the same interaction.

That all changed 8 weeks ago. I had a relatively minor amount of feminizing surgery. Brow contouring / forehead lift, chin contouring / tracheal shave / neck lift, and a breast augmentation. People who have known me for a long time say I don't look very different, but it must have been enough, because I'm now seen as a woman all time, despite my masculine style and attitude.

First, I want to say I'm surprised how little is different. For the most part, my day-to-day interactions haven't changed except for gendered words. I don't really feel all that different either; just a lot less time gets spent fantasizing.

As far as strangers go, the main difference seems to be I get more compliments on my haircut (the same haircut I had before surgery), and I notice less people starring at me. I think maybe before, most people thought I was a young man but weren't really sure, whereas now it's pretty obvious I'm a woman. I get less funny looks in women's restrooms now than I did in men's restrooms 8 weeks ago.

Things have been going great at work. I told my HR department months in-advance and despite me being the first openly transgender employee, they handled everything perfectly. We worked together on messaging, and by the time I came back to the office, I was able to pickup exactly where I left off, with the slight differences of what pronouns people use for me and what restrooms I use. People occasionally slip-up with pronouns, but quickly correct themselves and apologize. It's understandable; I've been working with these people for 5 years now, they got used to seeing me one way, and to be honest, I haven't changed much.

My legal name change has been a mixed bag. Before my surgery, I scheduled my court date for a Monday morning a few weeks ago, and was able to get a new state ID, file for a new social security card, file for a new passport, change the name on my bank account, and get a new debit card all before lunch time. My new social security card and passport came in the mail only a week later. The only hangups have been my credit card companies. I mailed them all the documents about a week and haven't heard back from them yet. Hopefully that gets resolved soon. Handing someone a credit card that says "Joseph" is a little embarrassing.

I also have mixed feelings about clothes shopping. With my proportions, it's hard to find things that fit right, and in a few short weeks I've wound up with things I'm never going to wear again and can't return. I have, however, reaffirmed my masculine style. I tried dressing more feminine for a few weeks and wearing more makeup, but I just didn't feel like myself. Back to bluejeans and plaid button-downs (albeit, ones with more room for my new boobs).

My family's adjusting, slowly. They were all terrified before surgery, but as soon as I started to recover and it was clear I hadn't ruined my face, things became infinitely less tense. My parents still have a really hard time using the right pronouns, but they tell me they're trying. My mom occasionally comments on my appearance, telling me I look good or I might like this or that, so it's clear while she still says "he", she's starting to see me in a more-daughterly way. My dad just treats me the same as he always has, which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned; he gave up on holding me to masculine standards a long time ago. And my brother, while he also struggles a bit with pronouns, is quick to call me his sister.

All my friends knew a long time ago and were really supportive of my decision to have surgery. Nothing's changed in that department!

The only things I'm self-conscious about are my voice and my genitals. I'm trying really hard to change my voice, but it seems like every time I open my mouth, something different comes out. Some better than others, some more masculine sounding than I sounded before surgery. It's embarrassing but it's definitely getting better, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Only 8 weeks after major surgery, though, I already find myself thinking about SRS. While recovery from this surgery wasn't horrible, it wasn't exactly pleasant either. At least my incisions are in easy places to reach and keep clean; the post-surgical maintenance for SRS sounds like a nightmare. If I could snap my fingers and have it all be over in an instant, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. But the prospect of another major surgery isn't too exciting at the moment. I guess I'm in no hurry, though.

Next on my list is dating. I've never dated before, but now feel almost comfortable and confident enough. I'm worried my dating pool will be tiny as a somewhat-masculine pre-op transgender lesbian, but, hey, I've come this far; why not try?

So, anyways... yeah. That's what's been going on with me lately!

[Charlize]

Thanks for sharing. So much has happened for you and it sounds like all in a very positive direction. I was happy to read you were able to get your documents changed as swiftly as you did. That took me a good bit of time. I'm sure you'll have fewer problems with pronouns as time passes. If we are being honest about ourselves we seem to simply get accepted for who we are and for me that has given such peace.

Good luck with your love life!

Keep in touch.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

Wonderful to hear there Jo. Just to assure you, GCS recovery is not as nightmarish as it may sound, it is simply a new health care routine for your life when it is done, and is labor intensive in ways your other surgeries do not become, but it is still living in your own skin at last which makes for a nicer life.

You did have quite an adventure that I am happy that I have not needed, but we are all different and there is no "one right way" to get where we need to be. I have found that I am more of a Tom Boy than a Girly Girl these days as well, but I get treated right by my friends no matter what I am wearing. Welcome back and happy healing!!

[tracy_j]

Thank you for the update.

It was good to hear that things have, and are, progressing well.

May the future be just as good!

Tracy

[Jani]

Hello Jo,

Thanks for the update. You've come so far! Congratulations. Just work on your voice little at a time and you'll get to a comfortable place. Practice on inflection, cadence and using verbiage that is more common for woman speaking than men. Men do say things much differently than women. Don't stress over it. Many women have deep or raspy voices. As you note, you pass as a women visually. That may be more important than voice.

Cheers,

Jani

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome back, Jo, and congrats on all that you've accomplished in a relatively short time. I sense your new found confidence, and the smile in your avatar is great to see. I wish you all the best on the rest of your journey. Please don't be a stranger around here. We miss you!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Jo,

Groovy update! Congrats on your name change documents, it took me a lot longer. Your new profile photo looks great, lovely smile.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest KerryUK]

Hi Jo,

Glad things are working out for you. Oh, I think you look lovely in your picture and especially like your hair style.

Kerry

[Cyndee]

That's a wonderful update Jo, you've taken steps very incrementally over the years, I think this has demonstrated a lot a maturity, and foresight.

Your latest picture looks great.

Best wishes on your social transition progress, sounds fabulous so far.

Cyndi -