...Then they'd play with me

[WickedWhich]

I remember being a kid and seeing a cartoon on Sesame Street, in which a little boy sits alone in a corner of a playground, watching the other kids playing ball or jacks or ring-around-the-rosy. He imagines to himself "if I was a spaceman.." or "if I was a circus clown.." or "if I was a magician, then they'd play with me." His fantasy plays out in which he arrives on the playground in the guise of a clown or an astronaut and all the children gather around him to marvel, and then he wakes and he's back to being alone in his corner. At the end of the cartoon, of course, the other kids ultimately do invite him to play with them without the benefit of him being something extraordinary. There are times when I feel like people have gotten to the point where one does have to be something marvelous, or at least something from which another person derives some material benefit, in order to garner any manner of friendly attention or contact. I always have friends in my fellow performers when I'm involved in a theatrical performance, until the show closes and everybody goes back to their respective corners and become strangers again. Have we lost the practice of just hanging out for the sake of doing so? What about just calling someone on the phone to say "hi"? It's all the worse, I feel, experiencing this distance from people who are just a stone's throw away, and being something of an oddity to boot. Do people want to know each other anymore, or just what they can derive from another person?

[SoSarah]

Hello, your points are well noted and parallels my life experience to a point. I always seemed to make an impression on people's life, it was my goal, but they did not seek me out when they needed a impression on their life. Then as I got older after I had made a effect their life, I realized I held them at bay so they wouldn't find out my secret. The good thing is after a almost life ending event I moved back to my teenage childhood home and found my old school mates seemed to need me in their life. Not perfect but accepted. Sarah

[Charlize]

As a person in recovery i am blessed with a fellowship which does reach out to help one another but even in my life that seems to have existed. When we were building our house which is made of quite large oak timbers many of my friends would simply show up on weekends to lend a hand. Years later i try to do that for others and find that my help is appreciated and reciprocated at times when needed. I think many of us get too busy living our own lives to see others. I know i have a tendency to do that unless i make an effort to look beyond my nose. There are times when i haven't even seen others in the playground for that reason but now fortunately i'm making an effort to be aware of others and that helps me as well as them in ways i may not understand but which make me happier. Maybe that is a good reason why this site is called a playground.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Jennifer T]

WW, I hear you. I was that child in the corner playing alone. Literally. My situation left me being an oddity at the least in school. I spent 12 pretty lonely years in mandatory hell.

As an adult, I distance myself from people. I have occasional friends, liked you mention who may be involved in a common hobby or work related project. But once completed, it seems we all go our separate ways. Or if I reveal too much of who I am to someone or try to deepen the relationship (I'm not very good at superficiality) they move away from my company. So, I put up the walls first anymore.

One person in my life has chosen to stay with me, to be my friend - who needs, wants and desires my companionship. (That doesn't include my children, but they have their own lives to live :-) ) And that person in my wife. We've been together 33 years. No one in the world has ever chosen to remain close to me - not relatives, friends or acquaintances. The few times any of them seek me out, it is gif something they believe they can get from me; support, money, advice, etc. and I almost always give what is in my power to give them. But once given they are gone again.

All that simply to say, I understand what you are saying here. Have wondered about it a lot through my life.

I still help people where I can. I give anonymously. And will step in to help someone when I see an injustice occurring and then move away while others reap whatever reward may follow. I ask nothing of the world anymore.

Peace.

[JJ]

Hi. I'm also involved in community theater. And having been deeply introverted all my life it has surprised me that I enjoy the company when the productions are going on. I missed the backstage camaraderie this last play because as co-director I was only backstage briefly before my part and then back out front.

But at the end of the play I need a break. I'm one of those who says bye till the next play because I need time alone again. And with our group anyway there is very little personal information shared-it's all theater and part related or maybe about a game or music. The theater is an escape. Interestingly this group includes some very religious people-my last co-director is the wife of an Assembly of God minister and a cast member is a missionary for a conservation denomination while another is a strict Penecostal. They don't know my history while about half the cast does. Interestingly in two plays it has never come up. The theater brings them together but not on the basis of any other interest so they don't socialize outside of the theater.

But I do find people online through interest groups who have wanted to meet personally. And I think there are still clubs and groups of all sorts where you can make friends with people face to face who would like to socialize. I do think people are meeting their social needs more through virtual contact now. And while it is easy to condemn that I'm not sure we really know yet if the good offsets the bad overall or not. Because in small conservative areas like this the kids are making contact with an outside world their parents and grandparents never did and are becoming more liberal and accepting as a result. Making friends and then finding out someone is not the stereotype they were taught when that person turn out to be variant in some way.

We can't change human nature in a decade or a generation or even centuries. If you read ancient Greek and Roman texts the similarities to who we are is striking though the ways we meet those needs has changed and how we feel about meeting them as well . But we are a social species and we do need others. The challenge in this complex world is finding those others who share a commonality of some sort to begin a friendship

Johnny

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Before the internet and parents started keeping their kids and cats in the house, there were much better chances of having more diverse interests and more diversity in friends. Most of us were part all sorts of groups from politics, theatre, ham radio, horses, flying and such different days of the week. Not only did we have peer friends, we also had adult friends and mentors, something of grave concern for most parents now days. When the Circus came to town, we go over looking for work but, mostly to hangout and learn some craft. You got one in your back yard and its still all out there with new friends and more if you go looking for it. All we can do is keep looking. Even a 69 I keep making new friends and new interests or building on them. Also, doing that is how I found some success in making a living and making friends. Most of us have friends who are different like us and not run of the mill folks.

[gennee]

I have been doing performance for over a year now. I have met some interesting people along the way. I have made some friends also. While I do enjoy social media I still believe that going out and getting to know people is a better way because you will learn how each other ticks. I seem to have a knack for meeting and befriending folks who diametrically different and that's okay.