newbie here. Good evening to everyone!

[Ty inCt]

Hi My name is Ty I am 56 years old and I have finally come to grips with my sexuality. This is the first time I am putting this in words but, I am gay.

I was married for 23 years and have awesome grown kids whom are my whole world. I have been divorced now for 5 years and at first I was lost. My ex wife woke one day remembering being molested as a child and it was like flipping a switch. She had what her doctor called a PTSD melt down.

She just changed into a different person. I tried to help her but couldn't. I was going through rough recovering from a failed Discectomy/fusion with plates and screw in my back and i was on a lot of meds at the time. I understand what she went through but didnt know what to do. She left me and I was actually really heart broken. I was in a deep depression and felt guilty for not being able to help her. I went to Colorado and just gave up on life. I was actually homeless for a couple of years, lived in a tent and ate at the soup kitchen. Kinda in a daze there.. That's the only way I can describe it.

I had always done a fair amount of fantasizing about men. I also have been a part time CD for most of my life. I kind of thought it was all just sexual fantasy. After my divorce I started to realize more and more that I thought about guys differently than most other guys do, that being in womans clothing really made me feel good. I put hours and hours into thinking about my past life and the things that pointed to me being a woman in a man's body and the choices I made to ignore it.

Two years ago my babies started having babies! I have three awesome granddaughters I love dearly. One day I woke up and just said, 'what the heck am I doing here?'

I got back on my feet and moved back to my home state. I now live with my oldest daughter, her husband and my Grandchild. I really love it here and have been reborn by the love of my family..

In about the last 6 months I have decided I am not attracted to woman. I like woman, but not like most men. IDK

So, i have come to the decision I am going to try and become transsexual. I don't ever see myself being able to afford an operation but I know I will definitely feel more who I am suppose to be living my life as a woman, with a feminine body.

So basicly I am here to learn what I need to to make this transition as smooth as I can. I still need to level with those I love which maybe the hardest obstacle I have left to face. I also need to learn how to become a woman healthily. I need to become comfortable with my femininity enough to eventually find a nice man thats ok with who I am. I have my family but need to be close to someone.

I hope everyone has a great evening and i will enjoy it here. I have enjoy what I have read so far! <3

[MaryEllen]

Hello Ty,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

MaryEllen

[Ty inCt]

Thank You MaryEllen! It was my pleasure!

[MaryEllen]

Have you considered counseling with a gender therapist?

[Guest Sarah1967]

Hello Ty and Welcome This site has lots of good info and awesome people to meet and to chat with

[Charlize]

Welcome Ty. You'll find a great deal of information here as you find a path. I certainly meant a great deal to me to share and read. I wasn't alone and just knowing that was a great feeling.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Opal]

Welcome to Laura's, Ty!

[tracy_j]

Hi Ty

Welcome

Tracy x

[Ty inCt]

Have you considered counseling with a gender therapist?

I didnt even realize there was such a thing 'till coming here! lol The fact that I have access to one here is just awesome. I may just go that route..

[Ty inCt]

Hello Ty and Welcome This site has lots of good info and awesome people to meet and to chat with

Thank Sara! I have been cruising the forums but really need to dig in and read! I am so happy to be able to me good people that are going through, or gone through already, what I am!!

[Ty inCt]

Welcome Ty. You'll find a great deal of information here as you find a path. I certainly meant a great deal to me to share and read. I wasn't alone and just knowing that was a great feeling.

Hugs,

Thank you Charlize! I am so happy there is a place I can feel comfortable. Of course its also really nice not being alone in ths and having people that understand and are willing to give thier input! Yay!!

[Ty inCt]

Welcome to Laura's, Ty!

Thanks so much Opal! Im sure I will love being here.

[Ty inCt]

Hi Ty

Welcome

Tracy x

Thank you very much Tracy! So nice to get such a great welcome!

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Ty,

Welcome to Laura's. Lot's of experience and compassion here to partake of. Lot's of people here who understand what we go through. We don't have to go through this alone anymore! When I first came to the acceptance that I am trans, I found all the information on the subject I could and learned as much as I could about it. It helped with coming to understand and accept what I am a lot more than I could have otherwise. Our journey begins as a journey of self discovery. May our journey's lead us to where we want to be!?

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Ty inCt]

Hi Ty,

Welcome to Laura's. Lot's of experience and compassion here to partake of. Lot's of people here who understand what we go through. We don't have to go through this alone anymore! When I first came to the acceptance that I am trans, I found all the information on the subject I could and learned as much as I could about it. It helped with coming to understand and accept what I am a lot more than I could have otherwise. Our journey begins as a journey of self discovery. May our journey's lead us to where we want to be!

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf

Thank you so much Timber Wolf! I am finding the info here invaluable! It so nice to be somewhere that I feel I might actually fit in. Big Hug back at you Hun.

[Guest KerryUK]

Hi Ty,

Welcome to the Site.

May I make a recommendation for you when you are looking around for information? Pay particular attention to the differences between Gender and Sexuality. They are different but often confused. The reason I say this is that you say that you are Gay and that you would like to become Transsexual - the way you have written this, I would say that you definitely should discuss with a Gender Therapist.

Just a point and not meant to be offensive Ty.

[Guest Alicia Rose]

Hello, Ty! Thanks for sharing your story and being so open.

I'm really happy that you're living with your loving family and things are improving. Understandably you have much on your mind, and it's great you've joined to be here.

In the last six months you've decided you're not attracted to women. Perhaps, within that time you've discovered you're as attracted to woman as you previously thought. I'm sure you know, but attraction isn't a choice. You may have always been attracted to men and didn't notice or just ignored that, believing otherwise. A lot of people suppress these types of feelings from fear or by not understanding or behaving like others thinking that's how they should be.

Transgender is a medical condition for when someone who identifies as the opposite gender from which they were assigned at birth. I am a woman, but was born male. I'm Transgender. Personally, I am attracted to men, which makes me by definition 'straight'. Being Trans* (much like sexuality, which is based on sex, not gender) is not a choice. If you believe you're Transgender (Male-to-Female), then it may not be accurate to call yourself a cross-dresser or Gay (unless you're attracted to the same gender, which would be Female). Make sense?

I understand that you've probably had a lot on your mind in the last several months and I'm glad you've joined these forums which exists to help others.

You don't have to answer, but here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you feel like a man that enjoys wearing female clothing? (Cross-Dresser)

Do you feel like a woman, trapped in the wrong body? (Transgender)

Are you attracted to the opposite sex (i.e. male attracted to female)? (Straight)

Are you attracted to the same sex (i.e. female to female)? (Gay)

Regardless on how you feel, if possible, you should look into finding a therapist. They can help you with a lot of things, from transitioning, to helping you understand yourself or answering questions you may have. You can also ask us on these forums if you have questions, without worry of being judged. I promise!

Thanks for sharing, again.

[Ty inCt]

Hi Ty,

Welcome to the Site.

May I make a recommendation for you when you are looking around for information? Pay particular attention to the differences between Gender and Sexuality. They are different but often confused. The reason I say this is that you say that you are Gay and that you would like to become Transsexual - the way you have written this, I would say that you definitely should discuss with a Gender Therapist.

Just a point and not meant to be offensive Ty.

i see your point. I would love to go all the way and someday get the operation but I know I will never be able to pull that off. i will identify as a woman eventually but right now I am way too masculine for my own liking. I guess I feel gay beacause of my attraction to men. I should have been more careful and worded it better. No offense meant to anyone!

[Ty inCt]

Hello, Ty! Thanks for sharing your story and being so open.

I'm really happy that you're living with your loving family and things are improving. Understandably you have much on your mind, and it's great you've joined to be here.

In the last six months you've decided you're not attracted to women. Perhaps, within that time you've discovered you're as attracted to woman as you previously thought. I'm sure you know, but attraction isn't a choice. You may have always been attracted to men and didn't notice or just ignored that, believing otherwise. A lot of people suppress these types of feelings from fear or by not understanding or behaving like others thinking that's how they should be.

Transgender is a medical condition for when someone who identifies as the opposite gender from which they were assigned at birth. I am a woman, but was born male. I'm Transgender. Personally, I am attracted to men, which makes me by definition 'straight'. Being Trans* (much like sexuality, which is based on sex, not gender) is not a choice. If you believe you're Transgender (Male-to-Female), then it may not be accurate to call yourself a cross-dresser or Gay (unless you're attracted to the same gender, which would be Female). Make sense?

I understand that you've probably had a lot on your mind in the last several months and I'm glad you've joined these forums which exists to help others.

You don't have to answer, but here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you feel like a man that enjoys wearing female clothing? (Cross-Dresser)

Do you feel like a woman, trapped in the wrong body? (Transgender)

Are you attracted to the opposite sex (i.e. male attracted to female)? (Straight)

Are you attracted to the same sex (i.e. female to female)? (Gay)

Regardless on how you feel, if possible, you should look into finding a therapist. They can help you with a lot of things, from transitioning, to helping you understand yourself or answering questions you may have. You can also ask us on these forums if you have questions, without worry of being judged. I promise!

Thanks for sharing, again.

I would have to say I am a woman trapped in a man's body. Until recently I was blocking it I think. Thanks for explaining this for me Dear. I just need to get past feeling like my current body makes me a man.

[gennee]

Hello Ty and welcome to Laura's. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy that you reconnected with your family.

[Ty inCt]

Hello Ty and welcome to Laura's. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm happy that you reconnected with your family.

Tnx so much Genee! love it here already.

[Guest AshleighP]

Hello and welcome! You will find acceptance and support here in abundance. Ask questions, read the forums, and enjoy yourself. I looked forward to reading about your journey and your adventures along the way!

[Ty inCt]

Hello and welcome! You will find acceptance and support here in abundance. Ask questions, read the forums, and enjoy yourself. I looked forward to reading about your journey and your adventures along the way!

Thank you Ashlieigh! I have learned so much here already and I will start posting when i have some news.. <3