Questions on Masculine vs Feminine & Transition

[MarEllX]

Ok, so I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and i'm pretty sure i'm transgender, & I know deep down I want to transition to female one day. The thing that is bothering me though is that I don't feel very feminine. Yet I also don't feel very masculine either. I'm somewhere in the middle and I can't tell which side i'm closer too. Like, I love anime, and playing video games, but can't stand sports in the slightest. Or like how I love to cook and have recently started getting into fashion and some shows on the E! Network, but I  can't overdo any of these things either. What i'm wondering is, what is it that makes someone male/masculine and someone female/feminine? Cause there's a bunch of different mixes and matches of traits from both sexes that determine how someone is, & I keep worrying that I don't fit into what a GT determines as feminine, then they wouldn't be able to help me transition.

All I know is right now I really want to transition. I mean, it's all I think about, every minute of everyday. And the more time goes by, this dysphoria I feel only continues to get worse and worse. And It feels like i'm getting closer and closer to my breaking point.

I'm terrified though how my family would react to this news if I ever told them I've had these thoughts. I mean... for most of my life, I haven't really had any friends, but that was ok because at the end of the day I can go home to my family. That's all ive ever needed. But if I told them this, I think they would reject me & i'd be alone. Everytime I think about telling them, it just sounds like i'm being selfish. I mean... how can I tell the people that have known me, loved me, and given me so much, that I wan't to transition, that i'm not who they think I am... you know??

I guess that's it really. It's all just very exhausting and confusing. I just really need some advice on what to do. Thank you.

[VickySGV]

It is pretty late for me to be up now so this will be short.

I am post GCS and I am the darnedest cross of male and female there can be, I just finished wiping grease and paint off of my manicured acrylic nails, and wiping a grease stain off of one of my B cup breasts, and I feel great.  I will pick up a special dress from my cleaners tomorrow and wear it to a special dinner for a friend with my hair done just before the night out.  A week from Sunday I will be in a jumpsuit setting up sound gear for the Trans Chorus of Los Angeles to use iin rehearsal.  I also have what I call my Concert Black clothing in both slacks and skirts with black tops. I can give other examples of my variation of expressing myself.

Really, it is ALL just an expression of MYSELF and I have more expired make-up than you would believe that I need to trash.  Some days sunscreen is all of my make up.  Tomorrow I get my hair color touched up, but it will be up under a Baseball cap the next day when I do more work in my shop.  All of that is me.  More of me is the HRT and surgery, but that is me and maybe not for you, but we are still ,members of the Trans* Tribe / Clan <whatever>.

Coming out will be tough, but you do not have to be alone.  Us Trans* types do find that we have families that may not have given birth to us, but are very real and there for each other.  Look around the forums, and you will see it.

[Rylie M]

What you do for fun/hobbies/work doesn't define you as masculine or feminine basicly the same this as Vickie just said. I cant be as good as a example Im pre everything and live as male still atho its getting harder every day to do just that. Every single day pretty much im out moving drywall, getting dirty on a construction site, getting greasy working on my bike but at the end of the day I go home and generally get to redo my manicure or do something else typically defined as feminine  it makes me feel better. Here is a good example I have a Aunt shes 100% woman and does enjoy some things more associated with her gender however she enlisted into the coast guard, since her discharge she has been working in machining plants for the majority of her life. She loves doing manual labor yet there no denying shes a woman especially today up untill her current marriage she did refuse to wear a skirt or dress but that's no more. Your GT shouldn't tell you no ever its not necessarily there job to ever tell you you can or cant transition exp based off your interests instead its there job to 1) help you discover if transitioning is what your need 2) help you deal with your transition and any depression you may or maynot have I know I deal with it alot and 3) help you navigate it including figuring out ways to come out to family/friends and then deal with the aftermath.

 

You may be surprised I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that everything will be fine with your family there will be some very rocky moments you may find though those who you thought would never accept you may just do that and then some who you thought would be supportive may not be. I wouldn't worry about it to much. What I would do is single out a few trusted family members come out to them one at a time and ask for there help in coming out to other family members. They can also offer some insight for example im out to my mother, brother, sister, 2 cousins and a uncle I swore my uncle was going to walk away from me I was ready for it I came out to 2 of my cousins just this past july they convinced me that my uncle would be fine about it so I came out to him next all went well. I think especially when friends/family is concerned we tend to be pre programmed to expect the very worst. Yes it could happen my former brother in-law transitioned she lost all but a cousin when she did and to this day no one in her family will even acknowledge her existence other than that cousin But the point is untill you do come out to them you never really do know how anyone will react.

[MarcieMarie12]

I transitioned, and about the only thing that changed was that my number of interests increased. I still play video games, I still paint miniatures, play table top miniatures games, going shooting (something I have not done in a long time). My main difference is the intensity to which my hobbies direct my life (not as much). Hanging out with friends gets priority, though a lot of times these activities coincide. Many of the girls I know are still interested in their old hobbies as well. 

 

 

[Guest Kaylee]

I personally think that people put too much emphasis on what society labels as masculine or feminine. Hobbies and intrests have no gender. Yesterday on social media, I watched a video of a wedding, where the happy couple rode their sport bikes to the parking lot doing standing wheelies, the wife in her wedding gown. Men that ride sport bikes every day are unable to do that. I've been riding since I was 6 and can't do that. I lived as male for 40 years, and there are plenty of women who could slaughter me in all kinds of sports, yet, as a trans-woman I am a better mechanic and carpenter than many men. There are no rules, so do what you love

 

Regarding transition, and how you feel about it, please see a therapist if you haven't already. I knew I wanted to transition at age 20, and struggled 20 years more before I did. Employment, social stigma and certainly the belief that my father would disown me were all factors. Those concerns don't go away, and that's why it's so darn hard.

In the end, you have to do what is best for you. That may sound a little selfish to outsiders, but depression kills relationships the same way transition does... and you deserve to be happy if that's who you are

Hugs

Kaylee

 

[Summer4Life]

I am generally more in a believer in stereotypical female / male traits being relevant. Even though "equality" is the norm, there are still distinct behavioral differences in the way men and women act which can't be denied. I have been living deep stealth among cis-women for over ten years. The majority of my friends and coworkers are female. Seldom do I see any of them exhibit stereotypical male traits, or have stereotypical male interests.

But let me clarify. More and more these days women are taking on what were once traditional male roles, but even the ones doing are either following trend or are there for other reasons, possibly meeting guys, or attention seeking. Occassionaly there are cis-women that break major gender barriers in regards to stereotypical male interests but even then they still retain most of your stereotypical female traits.

A different way to approach this would be, rather than  looking for what men typically enjoy and what women enjoy would be to think about how each typically approaches life. For the most part, women think as a group, and men as individuals.

This is what I have noticed. It's not that way all the time, but the majority of the time. So which ever direction your going, that's important to think about. If you want to be perceived more masculine, it's not so much about becomming interested in typically alpha-male things such as sports but rather perceiving yourself as, "me against the world". Men I have observed have a stronger desire to stand out, to be perceived as great in what they do be it scinece, sports, video-games.

With women I have found it's not so much this way of thinking isn't present, but it's more given over to group preference. So if you want to be perceived, and perceive yourself as typically female, then you are better off mirroring how the girls behave in your circles. Become more agreeable even if you don't fully agree, and always be less about individual accomplishment. There is usally overt competition the way men typically are with one another. Don't get me wrong, there is serious competition among women as there are with men, but the way they compete are completely different. However I find the general rule is, go with the flow and don't try to stand out from the group too much. I could go into this deeper, but I'll leave it at that. 

On another note, one thing I have notice with a lot of early transitioners is fear of coming out to friends and family. So I'll share some of my experiences that helped me. I personally found it better to just start the process, and let them figure it out on there own. Many of the people around you will put 2 and 2 together and will either accept you, avoid you, or will eventually confront you. If you try to approach them directly it usually leaves them speechless. If you want to be more upfront about it, I recommend dropping hints, and if you have any female friends tell them first because they'll get the ball rolling.

Anyways that just my thoughts. Best wishes with your transformation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest AshleighP]

In my 60 years I have met some very masculine women and some very feminine men. I don't think we should let hobbies and interests dictate who we really are.. I have known people of both genders who slip back and forth between what society says is the norm for them.

i don't watch or engage in any sports and  I love to cook.  Both behaviors are one society would say makes me more female.  I also enjoy lifting weights, something that has for the most part been labeled a male activity.  

Whan we put aside the "norms" and just be ourselves, we can be the happiest and feel the most fulfilled. Play your games. Work on your cars, watch your sports, knit, sew, cook, watch a chick flick, whatever brings you joy. 

My 2 cents worth

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, AshleighP said:

In my 60 years I have met some very masculine women and some very feminine men. I don't think we should let hobbies and interests dictate who we really are.. I have known people of both genders who slip back and forth between what society says is the norm for them.

i don't watch or engage in any sports and  I love to cook.  Both behaviors are one society would say makes me more female.  I also enjoy lifting weights, something that has for the most part been labeled a male activity.  

Whan we put aside the "norms" and just be ourselves, we can be the happiest and feel the most fulfilled. Play your games. Work on your cars, watch your sports, knit, sew, cook, watch a chick flick, whatever brings you joy. 

My 2 cents worth

I totally agree with that. In fact, My grandmother was not a typical, norm abiding female and as a result of her example almost every female in my family is in one way or another quite non-binary in their tastes. 

masculine and feminine changes a lot between societies, social circles and all sorts of variables. 

 

Don't let your taste dictate you, let you dictate your tastes  

a gender therapist can help clear the confusion. But I think that a good path is to express yourself and see where it will lead you. I know that for me it took a looooootttttt of courage to trully express myself but i'm getting gud lol