Thinking and wondering. It's still me.

[Rachael]

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have been a man all my life worked as a man and still do and I enjoy my work for the most part. So this afternoon I dressed like Rachael even put earrings, a necklace, and practiced with the makeup. It feels great I like it and the feeling is hard to explain. I look different, and feel different. But I am still the same person, still in the same house doing the same things but they seem somehow different. I know that is all perception. So why does the way in which we see ourselves have such a great impact on our lives.

I have read a number of posts here and has helped a lot. There is a lot of insight in some of the posts and gives me a lot to think about. I appreciate all of the posts and the privilege to be part of this forum. I have even commented on a few but I am so new at this I am at a loss as what to say that may be helpful.

I found this sight looking for a support group to attend. Seems that the computer and I get along well as long as I do what it wants. 

I know there are no quick and easy fixes. I also believe that be careful what you wish for you might get it. So I am at least content with the way things are have even looked up a gender therapist or two just can't come up with the nerve to make the call. So mabe the timing is still off just a bit yet. 

I really do not expect any magic answers, although they are always welcome. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there as part of the ongoing process. 

Thanks to Laura's for being here.

Thanks and best wishes to those who read this. 

Rachael

[Guest]

take your time, one step at a time. Take time to explore and try to enjoy it as much as possible. It's important to explore to be able to find our true selves and to be truly emancipated human being (hey, look at that wonderfull inspirational phrase, lol) It's the same here on the forum, one thread at a time, take time to explore and don't respond to everyone at once

seriously, welcome here

Can't wait to read more about you

[Guest]

oh and not only the way we see ourselves have a great impact on our life but the outlook we decide to take have a great impact too. I'm used to playing a part, put a costume on and act. The real challenge is finding my true self. 

I hated everything about me and was sick of myself at the end. Now I have a lot of confidence in myself and I have a lot more strenght in the morning when I wake up. That's not just transition, that the result of a lot of effort and elements coming together. That's what's great to be yourself, when you feel like : "I feel awesome, I look awesome, I like what I do". What I wish for you is that you find that sweat spot with your exploration as Rachael.

You feel different, yes. But the important moment is when you will try things like that and feel like you. When you will go back to male and feel so fake. When you will stop saying "dressed like Rachael" and start thinking in the morning before going to work : "I'm Rachael and I have to dress like ______ (him)" That's why a gender therapist is so important. I see that you put MTF in your profile. They will not always say what you want but they will help you explore even more.

[Charlize]

I'm glad you have even considered a therapist.  I had hidden from the world and myself for years before i got to that point.  The fact is that i just couldn't understand non the less face my gender issues.  When i did explore it was always accompanied by fear and shame.  Being able to post about even your doubts takes strength.  

Take a deep breath and enjoy each day.  I think the peace to do that is one of the main reasons to take a serious look at our issues so we can finally achieve some peace with ourselves.  Even if it's not "perfect" it is the best i can do today.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Rachael]

Thanks for the replies. I put MTF  because I thought that is what I am but it may be incorrect but I do not know what else to put. 

I have never thought myself either him or her, male or female. When I look in the mirror it is just me not male or female. 

I get up in the morning get dressed take care of the cats eat and then get dressed for work sometimes I wish I could go as dressed but I cannot. We are coming into the busy season and soon there will be work, eat, and sleep for about 3 months. 

I have run this through my mind and it always works perfect then I remember what about this or that then reality sets in and it's not quite perfect anymore. I realized a long time agao things that have to be done this minute rarely are that important. I believe that things work out for the best most of the time we do not understand them at the time. 

Thanks for the opportunity to talk and the new things to talk. About.

 

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Rachael said:

I have never thought myself either him or her, male or female. When I look in the mirror it is just me not male or female. 

Great