Support from Family

[Guest]

Hi All,

 

My family have been supportive, especially my older sister. I feel very lucky to have the support from my family considering some of our brothers/sisters do not have this.  My sister has seen the 'new me' several times and even let my 7 year old nephew meet his 'new' aunt.  My parents have been verbally supportive, but are not ready to see me in person.  At the beginning of my transition it didn't bother me and I supported them on this knowing this it would be difficult to lose their son.  Its been close to a year now and I have been living fulltime for several months... and the holidays are approaching.  This has become stressful for me as I have never missed a Christmas with them.  My nephew's birthday recently passed and I did not go to his party my sister invited me to because my parents were there... My 32nd birthday is coming up too in which they would always taking me out to dinner...

Sorry to be a sap right now... With all these life events/holidays coming up, it has become stressful because I feel that I will be missing out on things because my parents aren't ready yet.  I've also haven't been doing well in life (no worries, not suicide), and I have realized its because I haven't seen or have that physical support from my parents. 

 

Thank you for listening,

Milani

[Charlize]

I'm Sorry you are suffering through this Milani.  I talked to my Gender therapist a good deal about how to handle and accept this kind of rejection.  My son didn't look at me for months.  We would talk but he would turn his back on me.  In a way it was fortunate that we live on the same property so we had to interact.  Slowly he came around and today he is wonderful although i still get called Dad.  That's fine on the farm but it took him time to understand that it didn't work when we are out in public.

Perhaps it is simply time for you to accept your sisters invitation as difficult as that may be.  I would certainly bring this up with your therapist but at some point we have to make the decision to be ourselves everywhere regardless.  

This isn't easy for many of us but with any luck it ends up with an understanding and acceptance of a "new" reality.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

It is certainly not good Milani for both you and your parents. It is as if a barrier has been raised, which is not easy to break down for either side.

For anyone being out of your immediate life, it is not easy to see a way through but a gentle approach may wear down the wall. Have you considered meeting briefly on neutral ground? Perhaps a meetup for coffee with your mother?  For me, I tend to just be natural, as I see it. I don't have too many issues with family as far as I am aware, but some people I meet are a bit anti. I behave in a friendly way and don't push things. Just let relationships grow.

With your birthday coming up, it is a good reason to meet. Not an easy one but a few tentative questions beforehand? You say that your parents have been verbally supportive. Does that mean you could discuss with them by phone? You may have to be a little assertive in this, but it is likely your parents may be as upset as you and that they too are wishing to see a way forward. The main thing is to avoid arguments and be as open and honest as you can. It will not be easy and they may never understand but, as the rest of the family is accepting, things have a good chance. Even if the initial reaction is negative it does not mean that it is permanent. Steady progress, softly softly.

Tracy