Emotional changes through transition?

[Kara]

I've heard conflicting things at times about how emotions are supposed to change when you start taking hormones and want to know if there's a basic idea of what I'd be getting into. Would I suddenly start feeling happy all the time or lose control of my emotions more often? On average I am pretty in control and clear-headed so I'm just worried if there are any big changes I should expect to my mental/emotional state.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Kara.  That is a very good question, and one that is difficult to answer.  Emotional responses vary so much from one person to another, and its impossible to generalize.  It is also hard to separate what is a real response to the hormones, and what is a result from the emotional release we often feel from starting our journey in earnest.  I have heard people say that they felt euphoria immediately after taking their first shots or pills.

For me, it was very subtle.  I have always been a pretty stoic person, but long before starting HRT I could get emotional from time to time when under great stress or provocation.  That didn't change much after starting HRT. 

Other MtF's I know had much more pronounced emotional changes, including great mood swings. Those taking shots reported the most extreme changes, and the few I know who took Progesterone experienced even greater swings than that. So it not only varies with your own body chemistry, it varies according to which medications you take and the dosage.

My advice is not to worry about it too much, and just enjoy every new experience.  It's unlikely that HRT will turn you into an emotional basket case, but anything is possible.  Buckle up, Kara, it's going to be an E-ticket ride!

Carolyn Marie

[Jani]

Kara we are all different so what happens to you is dependent upon your personal circumstances.  I will say for me it was a gradual change.  I've always been emotional but I had hidden this side of me.  Now I don't fear being myself so I do tear up at times or speak in a more emotive manner.  

I would just enjoy being you.

Jani 

[Guest Faith gibson]

Hi Kara,

This is something that concerned me a lot before starting hormone replacement therapy.  It still does.  I started HRT 4 months ago and I was extemely grouchy the first few weeks.  I was going through some personal stuff with family so that could have been the cause.  Who knows?  I am so much more emotional now and am very thankful for that because I believe that now I actually do feel.  Yesterday my doctor doubled my dosage, so once again I am wondering if I will be affected.  I've heard so many people say that they behaved like moody teens on HRT.  My doctor did remind me yesterday that I was going through puberty.  Even though I feel okay now, there's still no way in the world that I'm not doubling that dosage.

Faith

[Charlize]

I have had very subtle changes and it is hard to know wether it is the HRT or simply living as myself that has raised my spirits and given me a kind of calm i've never known.  I must admit to the occasional water works.  A simple film can bring that on.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest Kaylee]

As everyone else said... it's a crap shoot. I asked the same thing before I started from a few trans ladies. I got... "you will love love love it"... to "that stuff will "mess" you up. (She used a more colorful word ;P).

Personally, I didn't notice much for the first year. I wasn't full time yet, so I don't know... maybe I was sort of fighting it, or the 3 decades of training myself to act like a man... who knows. I think I finally settled though. Yes, I'm a bit more emotional and I don't try to hide it. I'm not as centered as I used to be, and honestly a bit more scatter brained. I totally hate that part, because I was always the problem solver, and now I have to "figure" thing out, as opposed to just quickly fixing them ha ha.

I'm about a million times happier though, so fair trade

Hugs,

Kaylee

[Guest DianeATL]

HRT can be an emotional roller coaster so what you feel today may not be what you feel tomorrow.  But overall the best way I can describe my 2.5 years on estrogen is to say it has been like an anti anxiety drug for me.  I had an uneasy edge about me before but estrogen has given me more of a peace and calm.  Maybe some of that is due to living authentically and starting to love myself but I feel like a big part is chemical.

The other big difference is sex drive.  I was on an LGBT panel not long ago with a FTM friend and when the audience asked us about the effects of hormones, he said he wanted to screw everything that moved all day every day.  I said "can't we just cuddle."  Intimacy over sex would be my preference now.

Sometimes I have PMS which can be debilitating or just a little weepy.  The first time I had it I had no idea why everything was going wrong and upset me so much.  I wanted to kill all of the other stupid drivers or just sit on the curb and cry.  I felt totally out of control of my emotions until someone told me to eat chocolate and drink red wine, then I knew what was going on and managed my way through it.

As others have said, your mileage may vary and definitely will change and settle in as you adapt to the new norm.

 

Diane

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I'm an emotional mess every other week. Estrogen is a helluva drug. 
(I'm on injections if you couldn't tell, lol) 

[JenniferB]

I always loved the injections right afterwards. I felt instant peace of mind. Although it could be the placebo affect knowing the estradiol is flowing fully through my body again.

Jennifer

[Cyndee]

  Hi Kara, I'll add my impressions to this thread and of course everyone is different. Social role transition is quite the topic in it's self with all the changes, one could write about all emotional responses that result from changing your social role. I use injections of Estradiol weekly and have been using HRT for a bit more than 5 years. Day 1-3 of injection cycles tend to be dreamy, mood elevating, contentment, day 6-7 of injection cycles tend to have a bit more crying, I find it easier to cry at little things on those days. I have never felt I've lost control of my emotions, but I can say I have felt more intense emotional responses and my emotional center is different. Emotional responses to color, feel, smell, tastes, sounds are seemingly intensified as well. These days, working with my Dr I have my E levels quite moderate and fairly level in the female range, and don't experience wild mood swings, it's actually been fairly smooth overall, then some little thing comes along and I find myself tearing up. I feel my interpersonal relationships and the emotional responses with those are enhanced, I feel far more connected to people and animals these days. I sense the emotions of others easier, my intuition has developed quite nicely about things, I trust my feelings more about certain things, I seem to experience the subtleties of life in seemingly far more detail. Another thing I noticed and this may just be me, but I multi task far more it seems after starting treatment. I go about my day doing many things at the same time, sometimes I wonder how I got started doing this, or that, I feel my mind wanders to this and that easier. The benefits of this treatment are real, and of course there are risks, for example I go get mammograms yearly, I get checked out by Dr at least every 6 months. Before transition, I suffered a lot of anxiety, some depression, some anger management issues, and what my therapist would describe was a lot of "social role dyshporia", transitioning has fixed that and brought me a new level of happiness. My body loves E, my brain loves E, I am giving my brain the chemistry I "should have had", and that allows me to feel the emotions of happiness and joyfulness a lot more.

Best to you

Cynthia -

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Interesting no one mentioned blockers and such as T often causes emotions too. I've never had much of it and at my age am much happier with even less of it. Some of us value the emotional and/or the physical benefits more or less according to individual  factors. We do know that its not a gay cure and it won't make one trans* and in such cases can make things worse. Again, I think a diary is a good thing  to keep track of progress.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Kara,

Yep, we all react a bit differently to hormones, but for me it really changed me.  When I started HRT, the first thing that I noticed was how much calmer, and more at ease I felt.  I am no longer prone to panic attacks when things go wrong.  My sense of direction was adversely affected by estrogen, but my actual driving skills show a smoothness that exceeds my competition days.  Like others, it is difficult to separate the estrogen effects from the transition to womanhood, but both changes are quite significant.

My boyfriend Alex gives me injections every two weeks, and I definitely have a cycle.  He injects himself with T every week, so we definitely can see the differences between our hormonal effects.  He is only sexually arroused when he is awake.  I like sex, but I don't have any of that drive that comes with T.  I have been on HRT for a bit over two years, and Alex has been on T for just under two years, so we can easily compare our experiences.

I am much more easily able to show emotions now.  I also kinda flip flopped on orientation.  I thought that bit of info might be important!

hugs,

Stephanie