Just starting

[Guiseppe_Tartini]

Hi everyone. I'm Blaine Alexander I lost my other acct on here so I show up Guiseppe_Tartini. I use this username everywhere. Anyway I finally came out to friends at work and they were cool with me being a ftm. I'm 28 and have always been afraid of letting go of fear. I finally did and I felt the most wonderful relief and surge of happiness I had ever felt in my life. I have had other friends I came out to and they... they left and startEd trying to convert me back. I have an appointment with a therapist after the 14th she's out of town. She's susposed to be really goI'd I have to pay cash to see her but I guess that fine if I can get testosterone treatment on my insurance.  I hope I can. I've applied to a few jobs inside the job I currently have they denied me. I was asked to go join another bUT I'm afraid they'll recognize me as a girl. The pic on this profile is me with makeup made into a beard nice huh? If you want to see my male and female profiles ask and I'll give you my Facebook.  If that's aloud on here if there's a private chat. 

 

Anyway, I'm finally dressing as a boy. I have small breasts so I don't need much protection theRe but I'd still like to get one. The first step is telling someone and coming out. If you all have tips please respond appropriatly to how I should continue I want my workplace to call me by my male name but I'm afraid to ask. I feel I should wait to see the therapist on that. Usually my hunches are right. Like the casino job I was offered I made up an excuse not to go because I felt uneasy about it and that'd I'd ruin things with the friend who stick his neck out for me to get me an interview. I shouldn't have said I'd try it. I mean he's a great friend but I didn't want to lose a friend if they found out I wasnt what I seemed. People tend to hate things they don't understand. These last few weeks I've been feelings it's time to stop pretending I'm normal for my family because these feelingnever goes away  of of my friends says it's an imbalance of hormones and glad problems that cause the feelings but I don't care what it is. All i know deep down way down into a place that knows things I don't and is older then it seems; I know I'm not susposed to be female. I truly believe in a previous life I must have done something horrible to a woman to be put in a woman's body. If anyone believes in previous lives I'd like to hear about them. Describing these feeling is especially hard  at times.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, hon.   I know it can be very hard and very scary when you first start out, even just talking about it.  Please know that we are here for you, even if all you need to do is vent.  You are among friends.  And of course, welcome back!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Jani]

Hey Blaine, Great to have you here.  I like your account name, it has a European flair to it!  Please join the conversation, we'd love here from you.  

Jani

[Charlize]

`Welcome to Laura's.  you are certainly not alone in speaking of fear.  Once we start to accept ourselves there is always the fear that others will not accept us.  You mentioned going to a therapist.  My GT helped me a great deal to confront that fear and better accept myself.  Time here and sharing and reading what others wrote helped as well.  You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Blaine,

Welcome to Laura's and feel free to ask questions!

Hugs,

Marcie