what was all the fuss about?

[Katie Snow]

I actually Did it! I went out as Myself yesterday for the first time ever

And it was Amazing! and so easy! I didn`t really have to Do anything just be Me. I wasn`t scared at all either and that sort of concerns me a bit as I should have felt that really or at least expected to. Although it Could have been the fact that I was on a Serious time constraint, I had to take my kids out to the father in laws car (as Male of course, he dislikes me enough as it is for whatever reason), and then be Ready en femme in less than half an hour for the person that was picking me up.  so it was a bit crazy! but no nervousness beyond hoping everyone turned up on time

I`v been talking to someone online for a bit that lives reasonably local to me, and I`d found an LGBT support group that isnt too far away from us, so we decided to meet up for the first time and head over there, it was Her first time out as well.

now I`m not sure if it was a false comparison being in an already accepting group even though we were the only Visibly trans girls there but there was no hostility or outward judgement by anyone. For me the Most interesting part didn`t take place in there but rather in the car park where I went for a Vape, "normal" people were walking right past without even a second glance, and Woman gave me a normal smile that women do when they pass each other that Males don`t seem to get. it was all just very Normal! and as Kenna would say "the earth was still on it`s axis and the appocalypse never came" or words to that effect.

at the beginning of my journey, pre hormones and to a degree pre-acceptance, I was terrified of the idea going out en femme, seriously terrified, it even kept me from taking certain steps that would have been better to have done First rather than about 5`th LOL, but yesterday was like I was Born to do this, there was no fear, nerves or anything, it was all so Easy! my Confidence was natural, I didn`t have to think about my actions and contantly have questions like am I standing right, are my gestures male enough all these background tasks that are so exhausting! and keep me from being fully present were Gone, I had No defenses up and it was great! if you`de have told me this was going to be the case even a Month ago I`d have laughed at you!

I`v had several compliments from a lesbian girl that was there, saying she loved my bllue eyes and my nails and makeup, I just smiled and said, I suppose it`s not too bad for 20 minutes work LOL. and this other guy was hitting on me a bit and asked about my wedding and engagement rings and "what do they mean?" I just explained and that I`v been happily married for 18 years with a big smile, he left. it`s strange to know that I also Exist now as Katie and nothing else in quite a few peoples minds now, I`m actually Real.

Now I`m all like, I`v Soooooo gotta do this again, and I`m not sure I can wait until the Christmas party on Dec 10`th (yes we got an invite which was lovely), it was by far one of the most Wonderful experiences of my entire life, I fear now though that Iv crossed a bridge that has collapsed behind me, and that I can`t unfeel what I felt and unknow what I now know. and where that leaves me, well I have no idea!? I`ll just keep following my heart I guess and see where it leads me next

 

just thought I`d share it.

xxx

 

 

[Cyndee]

Thanks for sharing your story Katie, it's a wonderful feeling to be out in the world as yourself.

I went to our local support meeting here on Friday, it was very nice to meet with my sisters and brothers, lot's of hugs and catching up on things with others.

Real life feels so good, and so happy for you

Hugs

Cyndi -

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Katie,

Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience with us. It's wonderful having people who know us by our true identities! I'm glad you had such a great time. It is kind of amazing how things we thought would be so terrifying turn out to be much easier than we thought they'd be.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

That was a lovely story of acceptance and finding a path through fear to joy.  I know i felt very much the same when i made my first forays into the world as myself and like you i knew i needed to do it more often.  Perhaps it would be a good time to see a gender therapist and plot out a path towards self acceptance and comfort in all aspects of your life.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest]

Good for you!

[tracy_j]

<3

 

[Katie Snow]

Oops I did it again!

 

well Today, for the first time Ever I went out as Katie walked a whole block to the post office, took my money out and walked home!
I`v been out to an LGBT group with MeganJ last week, but it`s almost a false setting for a true test.
I live right in the middle of town and it`s a Rough area! but no one looked twice! and I was actively looking for just that, but Nothing!?

It would Seem at least that I "pass", but the most wonderfull thing about the whole excersize was that I did it without prompting, without any real Fear, with this new "strength" that Iv found, and I have no idea whats happening to me!?

 

a bit of background:

t wasn`t Planned! I didn`t wake up this morning knowing I was going to do this, rather the morning started off just exactly as any other morning really.
I wake up, put the coffee on, check the news whilst thats making, take my hormones with my coffee, get washed and dressed, electric shave, face cleanser then makeup on.

I got to the putting on makeup bit, more exactly the putting on eyeliner bit, when my wife points out that we have to go to the post office today, I`m like "oh sh!t, now you tell me".
I put down the eyelineras its the second last thing I put on anyway and grab another coffee.

I have 2 choices in my eyes, 1) I can take the whole lot off and force myself to goas "Him", OR (and I cant` beleive I even had this thought!) I can finish my makeup and go as myself.

I deliberate for a few mins over a hot coffee when my wife (not long back from hospital) says "don`t worry about it, I`ll go", Im like the hell you will!

I grab my coat and brand new lilac umberella that hadnt been used yet,  touched up my lipstick as my coffee cup was wearing most of it, and walked out the front door!

I did actually walk past someone that I knew but they never recognised me, and it was so very very "Normal".

I came back to a High-5 and a Well Done, I did a curtsy and dropped the money on the bed with a big grin. 
 

I`v no idea where I`ll be lead next, but I`m loving every second of this journey, it`s Truly magical!

[Jani]

That's the way to do it.  Go out like you own the day.  Congratulations!

Jani

[Briana]

Awesome Kaite!  But did you finish your eyeliner & the last thing you put on??  ;-)

[Katie Snow]

I did, and my Blush

probably should have had a razor shave instead of electric too, but I didn`t want to wait, I was a girl on a mission

 

[Charlize]

Wonderful!  i remember my first trip to the post office as myself.  The woman at the counter didn't recognize me which seemed so strange since i've known her for many years( I won't give away my age by saying how many).  I actually came out to her and found a great new ally.  

You have a wonderful story and certainly have started a great new journey.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Congratulations Katie

Confidence gets you there

Tracy x