Need to start somewhere, here seems nice ^-^

[Celestael]

Hi, I'm 24 years old, soon to be 25 in a month, and I've spent years trying to understand who I am, like many of you here I'm sure. I know now I identify as a MtF transgender and have known to some degree what it was since middle-school, though the emotions carry all the way to first memories in pre-school. I want to work up the energy to type my bio in the lovely section designated for it, so just doing a little overview here.

I've come out to my best friends, my mother (THIRD time now, long story) and gradually now my grandma, soon my dad and possibly his family. Past 8 years since graduating at 17 I've lived at home, only worked for 2 of those years due to heavy depression and then a back injury from the last months of that job, and what finally lit my fire is our landlord sold the property to someone... not amicable and we're making the jump to a house. Spent the last two months clearing out 23 years of collective detritus that most would consider hoarding including donating or trashing 90% of everything taking up space.

I have my faith in Christianity and will continue to do so, because without which there would've been very little preventing me from worse outcomes in my life. In addition, the love that that faith SHOULD be about is what is giving me hope and inspiration to go forward now. For years oddly enough this kind of event was something I prayed for. I've always wanted to expel everything surrounding me, suffocating me almost, in my life so that I can move on. Here it is.

We'll be able to start moving in within a couple of days, and then however long it takes to settle in (the house has a fair share of issues). No matter what sometime soon I want to start doing everything and anything I can to start transitioning medically, I have $350 saved up as a head-start, want to find a capable, preferably enjoyable job that I can help pay the bills and use the rest towards transitioning. Living at home doesn't bother me as long as I'm careful enough to not overload my very tired-of-life mom, who though can be incredibly difficult, stubborn, and barely tolerant, we're very close and she's one of the main reasons I've been here still, in more than one way. Mutually we don't want to split apart, eventually I want to leave but it's a situation that needs to be planned for and executed delicately (also long story).

I continue to do research in-between packing/moving efforts and I'm aware of what costs will be like, dealing with people, practices I can start now (my voice has a nice range due to years of mimicking accents, actors, etc., just needs regular fine-tuning practice; I've naturally walked and used female mannerisms for a long time as well; my hair is down to my stomach over the past 4 years of living in stasis, and I'm doing what I can where I can to care for it more). I'm trying to focus right now on moving and not overloading myself (admittedly failing!) but while like right now there's nothing I can do being at a family member's house caring for our pets that couldn't stay at home, I want to find support and people to talk to about anything; interests, advice, comfort, someone I can meet and become friends with in my city area, references, places to go to, people to talk to, jobs or businesses to avoid/consider, etc.

So that's me! ^w^ Feel free to just want to talk to me about things like my excessive amount of time playing games (Skyrim, Terraria, and League of Legends are my biggest hour investments), anime, music, fashion style (so much I've liked/disliked but now I can define it!), and I'm sure there's more!

 

P.S. I want to post a picture of myself for an idea of how HRT will change (improve to me) my appearance, would that be alright? I know generally what HRT does with realistic expectations, and overall I'm positive about the outcome, but would still like to hear opinions. 

 

[MarcieMarie12]

Welcome Celestael, I just moved myself (though I did not have 23 years worth of stuff since the last move). Kitchens are a pain nonetheless-took me half a day to move it two apartments down. You might find a few cans of food from way back in 1990.

It is ok to post pics pretransition or as you are right now (remeber to keep it PG per forum rules). I will say this, HRT does a lot for feminization--but is varies a lot from person to person. Some people see changes right away, some take time.

Hugs,

Marcie

 

[MaryEllen]

Hello Celestael,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing with us. Feel free to ask questions. We'll try to provide answers. Yes, it's ok to post a picture as long as you are fully clothed and is not sexually provocative.

MaryEllen

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Celestael,

Welcome to Laura's! You mentioned wanting to find some transgender friends in your area. You may have already done this, but you could look for a local LGBT center in your city and see what groups meet there. You may find a trans support group where you'll find some people you'll really like. Of course you'll always have us here. I'm glad to meet you and am happy you're here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's Celestael.  I found that sharing and reading the shares of others here helped me to accept myself.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[gennee]

A hearty welcome to Laura's, Celestial.

[Celestael]

Thank you everyone for the replies so far! ^^

I haven't been able to find anything solid online for a support group in my city, but I'm going to try calling, hopefully today, to see if they know any. My travel options are limited to maybe only the bus or my mom, and certainly not while we're working on moving (btw it's not been a quick move because there's only been me and my mom working on that borderline hoarder's house, I've been gone half the time to make sure our pets are cared for and my dad will ONLY help when his mom shows up once a week, he'll go to work to support us all and we're grateful, but we need more help and haven't found any ._.). So if there are dates for meetups I very likely won't be able to go for at least a month or more, which I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me just a tad bit stressed and sad.

I've waited this long to have the confidence and determination to just get this far though, I can wait a little longer. =)

As for the picture, it's just me without a shirt, I have no intention of anything crude in the slightest, I promise. ^^

[Dev]

Howdy!

I'm not sure if you've seen this yet, but we do keep a list of support groups from around the world.  It could be you'll find something nearby there.

Where the photo is concerned, the content itself doesn't sound like something we'd prohibit - you can check our community rules and use your judgment there.

Edited December 6, 2016 by Dev
Removed rambling about not knowing the age of someone who began the original post with that info. I can read, I promise. :P

[Celestael]

I know protocol when I see it. =p My age is within the first five words, 24. Thank you anwyays though!

I did look at that tab when I noticed it, but one group is in Houston and the other is north Texas, I'm in central. Sadly neither point to anything near my city, so I'll keep looking.

[Briana]

Welcome Celestael and welcome to Laura's.  Thank you for such a nice share about yourself.  I agree with what this lady said...

9 hours ago, Charlize said:

I found that sharing and reading the shares of others here helped me to accept myself.  

 

[Dev]

5 minutes ago, Celestael said:

I know protocol when I see it. =p My age is within the first five words, 24. Thank you anwyays though!

I did look at that tab when I noticed it, but one group is in Houston and the other is north Texas, I'm in central. Sadly neither point to anything near my city, so I'll keep looking.

The funny thing is, there was that little voice in the back of my head screaming "24!  24!  24!" the whole time I rambled on about the age thing.  I dunno, some days it's just a very good thing I can laugh at myself...  

[Celestael]

Just now, Dev said:

The funny thing is, there was that little voice in the back of my head screaming "24!  24!  24!" the whole time I rambled on about the age thing.  I dunno, some days it's just a very good thing I can laugh at myself...  

Don't I know it! I used to be CSR for a popular game server/forum and I've had plenty of facepalm moments when I realize I missed something reading a post.

[Celestael]

I don't see the ability to edit a post, so I'm assuming that's for security reasons which is totally understandable considering the internet is the way it is. ^^

I finally got my phone to connect so I have that picture I mentioned but I don't know if I should post it here or as a new topic specifically, as I know it would be garner more views and opinions as it's own thread. Hope I'm not being tedious in asking, jsut would like to be prudent in posting is all. =)

[MarcieMarie12]

Load it into your gallery on your profile, and then you'll be able to insert from the gallery into a new post (or leave it in your gallery--it will show up as new content for others to see regardless).

[Celestael]

I'm having the issue of the picture far exceeding the kb limit. Am I missing something in the formatting to shrink it further? Or is it a limit that's imposed for the first couple days/posts for new members to stop bot and spam accounts?

[Celestael]

Hehehe, sorry, turns out my phone takes very big pictures, so I'm resizing and cropping it down. Should be up soonish.

[Celestael]

I'm sorry about this, but if there is an option to edit posts I don't see it. I'm continually being told whatever image I try even though it's small enough that there was a problem with it, including the same image I already uploaded for the avatar picture, so I ahve no idea what's wrong. =/

[MarcieMarie12]

There is no option for members to moderate posts. The logistics of moderating edited and new posts were a bit much.  I just followed the steps I mentioned in my previous post. Is it Laura's or your device's connection telling you the file is too big?

The test image:

[Celestael]

I used the +Create button at the top since you mentioned gallery, then it gave me the option to skip the Member's gallery album so I did, maybe that was it? It's Laura's that was initially saying the file size was too big, but after toning it down to under 264kb I would just get an error message saying "There was a problem".

Strange, it's not giving me that error now on any of the pictures I tried last night. Only other thing I'd guess is my connection was intermittent in those moments creating difficulty.

Okay! I did it! There was kind of a strange moment where in the box within the picture selection box I re-did the members gallery skip, picture upload, and re-wrote the title o.O but now it's up! That was odd.

Thinking I want to start a new topic for people's opinions on it, I hope it's not terribly vain of me, but my self-esteem and confidence in my appearance is only just now improving bit by bit from never looking in a mirror, ever. >_<

[MarcieMarie12]

1 hour ago, Celestael said:

Thinking I want to start a new topic for people's opinions on it, I hope it's not terribly vain of me, but my self-esteem and confidence in my appearance is only just now improving bit by bit from never looking in a mirror, ever. >_<

If you look at my gallery, the first pictures were pre-hrt, make up, wig and breast forms. The pictures of me in my maidens outfit are from October (about 10 months HRT). You'll see how the changes affected me. I think others have posted pre and post HRT pictures. You being so young, I would expect your results to be better.

[Celestael]

I've done a fair bit of research to have realistic expectations for it and overall my impression is quite positive but I'm always so unsure, it helps to have some verification y'know? ^^

[Guest Alicia Rose]

  We're about the same age (27) and The Elder Scrolls is my favorite series BTW!! I used to play a lot of Terraria on PS3 too. :3 This forum has helped me a lot over the years and also pushed me to find a therapist and actually start HRT. Hopefully you find the support you need here and we can help push you to a happier you!

Good luck with your move too!!

[Celestael]

You look really nice! I consider myself fairly observant and there's only the faintest impressions of more masculine features. I really mean to fight my fears to go out and have a life I want to live. I've been scared so long, even good occasions often leave me feeling like my self is looking out through a glass cage at everyone else. I never want to do that again. >:(

[Guest]

Welcome to Laura's. I look forward to reading your bio.

 

[Celestael]

32 minutes ago, Fiona said:

Welcome to Laura's. I look forward to reading your bio.

 

I'm glad someone is! =p jk I know everyone here is lovely. I've noticed over time I tend to be rather verbose when it comes to forum posting, or at least compared to most forums, so I'm working up the nerve to spend a few hours spare time typing it out. I mean I have the time for the next two days or so, just need to frame it out in my head.