Dating Scene - Apps/Sites

[Guest]

Hello All,

Recently I have been back in the dating scene.  It has been relatively easy to meet guys or go on dates, however, I'm starting to get annoyed.  I'm starting to lose patients with the guys that message me, as it seems that they speak to me in a provocative and disrespectful tone.  I always am open about who I am (transgender female) to them, and majority are cool with it.  I'm all about answering their questions they have about my transition.  What I'm not ok with, is when they start talking sexually or send me explicit photos or request such. 

 

Last night I went on a date with a nice guy, who in the past had dated a trans female.  He was sweet and took me out on a date with no hidden agenda (to my knowledge).  We continued to text after we parted ways.  All was good until he sent me an explicit photo of himself.  I was immediately turned off .... I told him "I was hoping you weren't going to be one of those guys..." Still not sure, if I want to continue talking to him because of that. 

 

Recently, I have been catching myself say "Err, men!"

To my sisters, how has it been for you?

 

Thank you,

Milani

[Briana]

Well Milani, I'm going to have to live vicariously through you on this one.  ;-)  Honestly, someone forbid, but if I ever lost my wife I know I'd be single for sure the rest of the way.  Guys just gross me out totally!!! I WILL say never when it comes to guys.  And I don't believe another woman could ever begin to develop what I have with my wife so I wouldn't even try.  So, I really can't answer your question.  How's that for being helpful.  :-)   

Seriously, for some reason in this modern age it seems that social media/texting/sexting has brought out the worst in 'guy behavior' anymore.  I hear this soooo much from women that I work with.  Single women getting 'sexts' from dates; moms finding 'sexts' on their teen daughters cellphones; even a married coworker getting them from some dorky creep that's been hitting on her.  

Sending you an unsolicited explicit photo after the first date...any date really, is just disrespectful in my opinion.  Same with explicit texts and social media posts.  Missy, you deserve better; you deserve respect and that's not it - that's not the way to show it.  Why oh why do guys think that's gonna get them somewhere???!!!  Maybe a visit to the ER for a vice grip removal from their southland. (Ya, I still know how to use tools.)   My goodness I sure hope I was never that way.  Ya know...writing dirty love notes and drawing explicit photos of myself and sending them.  LOL 

[Guest]

Hehe Briana, I love you!  You are so cute and I love your response.  It made my day

[MarcieMarie12]

I'm dating another MTF, but I hear the same from my friends that guys are generally like that. On dating sites they complain about guys sending 1 sentence introductions to them on dating sites--or even worse explicit picks of their junk. To add to it, most guys did not read her profile. Too many that said, oh you're trans? Even though in her profile it says she is.

 

 

 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

I'm dating another MTF, but I hear the same from my friends that guys are generally like that. Even on dating sites they complain about guys sending 1 sentence introductions to them on dating sites--or even worse explicit picks of their junk. To add to it, most guys did not read her profile. Too many that said, oh you're trans? Even though in her profile it says she is.

 

 

 

Marcie Marie, girl yes the 1 sentence intros or "hey" responses are so lame.  And its so true that they don't read the profiles too - They just see a pretty face and that's their trigger to send a "hey"

 

[Guest Kaylee]

Sadly, I don't know if there is anything to be done. I'm not saying all guys suck, but I think a large portion of guys who are are ok dating trans-women still fetishize a bit. I guess it really depends on the site too. While there are a few places I would consider a "safe haven", most trans dating sites are folks looking for "play", and not a serious relationship. I have profiles on about 6 sites, most trans specific. Only a few have rules about what you are allowed to post, the rest a free for all of "soft porn".

It really sucks though, a constant barrage of "hey beautiful", "hey sexy" intros. I just had to block another guy last night, after changing my profile to explain I'm not interested in someone 3,000 miles away.

Online is the easiest way though, to filter out people who are not your type, so hang in there hon. There are in fact, nice people out there

Hugs,

Kaylee

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Kaylee said:

Sadly, I don't know if there is anything to be done. I'm not saying all guys suck, but I think a large portion of guys who are are ok dating trans-women still fetishize a bit. I guess it really depends on the site too. While there are a few places I would consider a "safe haven", most trans dating sites are folks looking for "play", and not a serious relationship. I have profiles on about 6 sites, most trans specific. Only a few have rules about what you are allowed to post, the rest a free for all of "soft porn".

It really sucks though, a constant barrage of "hey beautiful", "hey sexy" intros. I just had to block another guy last night, after changing my profile to explain I'm not interested in someone 3,000 miles away.

Online is the easiest way though, to filter out people who are not your type, so hang in there hon. There are in fact, nice people out there

Hugs,

Kaylee

Kaylee, so true about the fetishizing and softcore porn....  Its so annoying when I see another trans sister exploit herself for attention.  I wish there were more classier trans dating sites. 

[Sakura]

My mom told me once there are two types of men. Gentle men and sleze ball. the main difference between the two is that gentle men know that they have to hold the door to get into your pants.That is the short version. The long version. Sexual attraction is the basic motivator that drives most relationships together. I don't mean to over generalize men but Testosterone makes them sexually arroused and most men are packing a lot of it so at the end of the day the gentleman or the sleeze ball is looking to get laid the gentleman is just  willing to put in more work to get it.

Having standards expectations and boundaries are A ok and healthy. But you need to be sure spcially where men are concerned that you are not setting that bar so high that no man can live up to your expectation, because very few of them can. Online dating also has major pitfalls in that all these men have to get to know you is a picture( I am assuming) the fact that your transsexual and a paragraph or two two explain yourself. 9 out of 10 of them will not read your profile so if they didn't run at the words transsexual then that is what he is messaging you for. Now the reason this can go well or go bad is those men are admires whether they have dated 1 or dated 20 trans women that is what they are looking for and in most cases they have over sexualized fetish ideas of what that might mean for them.

That is not to say that all of them are bad men. some their preference for trans women is akin to say another man preferring blonds or another preferring skinny women. It is up to you to use your head to root out the bad ones, but you also need to remember any one you do choose even if he is prince charming himself, sex if not priority 1 is most certainly priority 2 it is just how the vast majority of men are hard wired.

[Sakura]

The best advice I can give you is to stop looking, What I mean by that is most women natal or trans get so consumed by the search for Mr. Right that they just set them selves up for heart ache and failure and often times over look the ones right in front of them. Stop looking on dating sites because it is very rare that those ever pan out into something meaningful. Maybe take up a hobby ?meeting people ( men) with the same interests as you gives you common ground and interest and can build a friendship with them first and if the spark is there everything else will just fall into place.

[Guest]

Wow great response and advice Sakura.  Thank you for responding.  You gave many great tips... maybe I should give up the sites and just hope for the best.  And you're right, I cant really remember any of my dates I met online panning out.. hmmm.. Lots to think about now!

 

-M

[TexasLibraryLady]

I can't say online dating is bad, because that's how I men my husband. Granted that was 17 years ago and pretransition. I do know that in the short time I've had to experience the attention of straight men that I wonder how the species has survived this long.

[Sakura]

3 hours ago, MilaniLiu said:

Wow great response and advice Sakura.  Thank you for responding.  You gave many great tips... maybe I should give up the sites and just hope for the best.  And you're right, I cant really remember any of my dates I met online panning out.. hmmm.. Lots to think about now!

 

-M

Thanks. I have kissed a lot of frogs in my quest for prince charming. I never found him but I did find the most charming frog in the pond and decided to marry him instead

[Guest Kaylee]

Well, there are a couple of "better" sites, but there is no dodging a lot of the issues that are just bi-product of the online thing.

Personally, I'm on hiatus. I can't see being intimate with anyone until after surgery... but I did meet a great guy online a couple years ago (trans-man). We dated for a while, but the magic wasn't there. He's still one of my closest friends.

Just saying... it "is" possible. I've always found it harder to meet people randomly. I don't do the bar scene, dating someone at work is a bad idea, and I've never felt comfortable chatting up someone in produce.

Anyhoo... "may the luck of the seven pillars of Gulu be with you at all times".

[Briana]

Thanks Milani - love is a good thing.

18 hours ago, Sakura said:

Stop looking on dating sites because it is very rare that those ever pan out into something meaningful.

Hey Sakura, that's not what Neil Clark Warren from eHarmony says.  ;-)  But then, he's got 3 first names so he could be wrong.