Shift in Sexual Attraction

[TexasLibraryLady]

I looked back through a year of posts and did not see a similar topic, so I hope I'm not repeating something that has been done 100 times.

I've noticed a shift in my sexual orientation since I've transitioned and was interested in hearing from others about their experience with this. I know that this happens for some of us but not all. I was surprised when this happened to me. It's fairly common to hear about transwomen that were never attracted to men prior to transition developing an attraction to men. I guess I always figured the change was due to changes in hormones or just feeling that experiencing such an attraction in more permissible. I was always attracted to men, specifically older, masculine appearing men. Now, while my attraction to men is still there, I'm also finding myself attracted to other women.

Prior to my transition, such an attraction would have been considered "normal", so I don't believe it was something I was denying out of fear of judgment by society at large. The best explanation I can think of is that I knew I would not feel comfortable in the traditional "male" role in a male/female relationship, both sexually and nonsexually, but the idea of being with another woman as a woman is appealing. Has anyone else experienced such a change?

[VickySGV]

Once we have broken the barriers to our own identity and we become more comfortable in our skin, I personally think anything is possible as far as attraction goes.  Whether the attraction leads to physical intimacy in every case though will vary mostly on the individual I am attracted to and when.  It came to me as an eye popping surprise when I realized that I had had crushes on some of my male friends as far back as High School (half a century ago), and that today I can cuddle and be happy with any of my friends, male, female, Trans* or Queer in ways I never could before.  I think if we allow our True Identity to be out, we find we can be attracted to darn near everyone who is kind and cheerful and honest with us.

 

[Bunneh]

Since I started transitioning I've become bi, but still prefer women. I used to look at men and they would look neither attractive or ugly, they were just there. But now I can say "that guy is hot/handsome/cute". I've been told by so many people I'm handsome and such but until I began transitioning I can actually recognize it. Too bad I don't want what I'm looking at.

[JBfox]

I'm still pre-transition, but prior to really paying attention to and tackling my gender dsyphoria I had only dated a handful of women. One of them I even went through love and heartbreak. I had never once considered myself gay or bi, but as I have moved further and further down this road of figuring out who I really am I find that every now and then I notice little things about men that catch my eye. Though overall I find that my sexuality probably lies somewhere between Bi and Asexual. And really I'm in no rush to find out, an assume that it'll continue to change as I carry on.

Personally I think Vicky is right. I think it has little to do with HRT and more to do with you really opening up to other possibilities as you become more comfortable with yourself.

~JB

[MarcieMarie12]

Yes, I did. I realized very quickly I did not care weather they were male, female, both or neither. Just cute, liked to cuddle, and had a good sense of humor. It happened within a month or two of me going part time (everywhere but work). HRT started a month after I started being part time, so I'd agree with Vicky too.

[Ravin]

My orientation didn't change. I was pansexual before and I still am. But, my libido, and therefore interest, in sex and romance had been at a very low ebb for years until I started HRT, then it shifted up in a big way. That was a nice, unexpected bonus of transition.

[JainaC]

I've just recently gone through this. I don't know if it was really a shift, instead I think it was me realizing my actual orientation. I always had some emotional reaction with certain men. Mainly it felt almost like a surge of electricity going through my body and an intense desire to be around them. I never really associated these feelings with attraction, I guess I felt it was some desire to be their friend. I know part of it is due to how I was raised. I grew up in the south and my dad said an awful lot of homophobic stuff. If I had some inkling of my feelings, I think it would be reasonable that I repressed them due to perceiving it as being homosexual at the time. I was only able to visualize myself as male and having sex as a man never appealed to me in any way.

Since it's becoming easier to think of myself as female and visualize myself that way I've realized that being with a man is really appealing to me. I get that same almost surge feeling. So I'm pretty sure that I've had crushes on a few of my male friends.

It's really nice that I'm slowly realizing who I really am. I don't think I was a full person before starting transitioning. I'm not there yet, I'm on my way.

[Cindy Truheart]

I had some pretty bad abuse as a child, specifically related to gender, sex, and sexuality and any deviation from what was 'normal'. It was something I began repressing fairly early on in my life but it came out in other ways. When I 'popped my cap' and my repression and denial was forced to break, I lost my libido completely at first. It's slowly been coming back, but only when I'm feeling female, otherwise there is nothing there. When I do feel attraction to people, it's only an attraction for men. But because I love my wife and I don't know what the future may bring, I've told her that I'm bisexual. I can 'make things work' enough for the few times we have been intimate. But thankfully she realizes I'm still on a journey here and hasn't pressed me for more contact than I can handle. I don't know if what I need is to finally be me all the time or whatever to fully realize my sexuality, I just know that my wife deserves everything I can give her since she has been so supportive. In the meantime, I've been slowly getting her accustomed to the fact that I like men by occasionally telling her if I think someone is good looking. She's been doing that with women to me for years, so she is actually okay for the most part, I just give her some space when she gets that surreal look in her eyes.

[Guest]

I've never really been attracted to men, but I could find them attractive, if that makes any sense. In other words, I can find them attractive but have no interest in a relationship. I tried many years ago, wasn't my thing. Being on hormones has strengthened that, there are certain men I find gorgeous, but I just like to look. I'm only interested in being with women.

[Briana]

I think I'm more like Fiona on this.  Like anyone, I can see that a person is nice looking to me or...maybe not so much.  But I'm not at all physically or sexually attracted to men.  For me, if anything I've realized that men irritate me more now than ever.  I find the 'high five fist bump chest thumping' aspect to be very annoying.  Very.... 

I'm totally attracted to women on any level.  Physically, sexually, emotionally - most anything related to being female.  Don't get me wrong, men are good for loading heavy things into my vehicle and stuff like that for sure.  ;-)  As a friend, sure.  But in a relationship, absolutely not for me.  Plus...I'm very happily married and I wouldn't change that for anything.  <big smile>

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Briana said:

I think I'm more like Fiona on this.  Like anyone, I can see that a person is nice looking to me or...maybe not so much.  But I'm not at all physically or sexually attracted to men.  For me, if anything I've realized that men irritate me more now than ever.  I find the 'high five fist bump chest thumping' aspect to be very annoying.  Very.... 

I'm totally attracted to women on any level.  Physically, sexually, emotionally - most anything related to being female.  Don't get me wrong, men are good for loading heavy things into my vehicle and stuff like that for sure.  ;-)  As a friend, sure.  But in a relationship, absolutely not for me.  Plus...I'm very happily married and I wouldn't change that for anything.  <big smile>

OMG, we're two peas in a pod. I couldn't have described it better if I tried, Briana.

[Hayley Renee]

This is an interesting topic to me. When I first started it was all about the arousal I felt putting on girl clothes. But somewhere along the journey that disappeared and I found myself feeling normal dressed as a girl and lost what little interest I had in them. Men became more attractive to me while girls became something I was envious of. Now I only find myself excited when I'm around men or think of one. 

[AnonLP]

Similar for me.i got so excited at dressing like a girl.im still excited now but a feels like me excited rather than pleasure.whilst im not attracted to men physically, more often than not, when i think of sex im playing the role of the girl (in a mf scenario...or even mmf..heehee). Other than that, everything is girls for me  

Natalie

[Jani]

It's been written a number of times that I've found that our orientation towards one sex or the other doesn't change but that once we free ourselves by dropping our walls, our natural proclivities that may have been quietly tucked away come to the front and we are more open about our sexuality.  Years past I would fantasize about a same sex (emotionally an opposite sex) partner but nothing beyond that since I was not gay.  Now that I'm in transition I do find some guys that I've known for a long time to be nicer to be around but physically I am attracted to women.  Maybe that could change but I'm not looking.  

Jani

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

On 12/20/2016 at 9:27 PM, Ravin said:

But, my libido, and therefore interest, in sex and romance had been at a very low ebb for years until I started HRT, then it shifted up in a big way. That was a nice, unexpected bonus of transition.

...and that's why his spirit animal is now the rabbit. 

 

So for me, I wasn't interested in men until I had been on HRT and living full-time. I experimented with men in the past but it really wasn't my cup of tea. Now, being with a man is something I'm actively pursuing and wanting. On the same token, my interest in women has dropped significantly. I still find them attractive, but the desire to be sexual is pretty low. 

I think it's all part of the self-discovery process and understanding your wants and desires. 

[Guest]

I've been with men in the past to see if THAT was my problem, nope. Didn't enjoy it at all, so far, still only women  

Fingers crossed LOL

[StephanieVikingGirl]

To all outward appearances I flip flopped on orientation under HRT, however I certainly had plenty of clues in my sexual fantasies.  Even when I was married to a woman many years ago, I was primarily turned on by imagining what she was feeling.  Nowadays I accept that I am bisexual, but mostly attracted to men.  It is hard to imagine how I played the part of a hetero guy for so many years (I guess my "B" movie acting skills were good enough to fool less perceptive folks).  On HRT my sex "drive" became more of a sex "desire" which is fine by me.  My partner Alex has plenty of sex drive since he went on HRT two years ago.

Stephanie 

[Hayley Renee]

33 minutes ago, StephanieVikingGirl said:

To all outward appearances I flip flopped on orientation under HRT, however I certainly had plenty of clues in my sexual fantasies.  Even when I was married to a woman many years ago, I was primarily turned on by imagining what she was feeling.  Nowadays I accept that I am bisexual, but mostly attracted to men.  It is hard to imagine how I played the part of a hetero guy for so many years (I guess my "B" movie acting skills were good enough to fool less perceptive folks).  On HRT my sex "drive" became more of a sex "desire" which is fine by me.  My partner Alex has plenty of sex drive since he went on HRT two years ago.

Stephanie 

I have the same experience. Still married but not intimate. We are just cohabitants. But the last time we had sex(at least 2 years ago) I had to imagine I was in her role to even come close to performing. It was my final confirmation of who I am. 

[Tanya]

I am 100% attracted to men.  I feel like I am a woman anyway.  I however, can only be with a man when I am dressed like a girl and play the role 100%

[Guest Kaylee]

I personally have not had a dramatic shift in attraction since being on HRT.  I've always been more attracted to women,  but considered myself bi because I found myself attracted to "certain"  men (being Scott Bakula and Jason Momoa : )  and what I find sexually appealing. For me though,  much of the male physique (a lot of that being "body hair") is a turn off, and having given it a shot already,  I don't see dating a guy again in the future.  

I HAVE noticed  though, an increased attraction to women of varying ethnoc backgrounds. Not that I was against it before or anything before hrt,  just that I have noticed an increased attraction.   

Not something I expected. 

[Cindy Truheart]

On 3/2/2017 at 11:43 PM, Tanya said:

I am 100% attracted to men.  I feel like I am a woman anyway.  I however, can only be with a man when I am dressed like a girl and play the role 100%

This would be me. Love does tend to bridge things a bit. So for me and my wife, we are making things work. But, sex in general goes better when I feel like I am completely a woman (that is more complicated than you could ever know). I realized my sexuality when I 'popped my cap' and stopped repressing and denying. My sexuality hasn't changed so far, but time will tell. I expect that if it does change I will end up being either bisexual or pansexual. I am far too comfortable with either sex when I can get past my own hang ups...

[Tanya]

3 hours ago, Cindy Truheart said:

This would be me. Love does tend to bridge things a bit. So for me and my wife, we are making things work. But, sex in general goes better when I feel like I am completely a woman (that is more complicated than you could ever know). I realized my sexuality when I 'popped my cap' and stopped repressing and denying. My sexuality hasn't changed so far, but time will tell. I expect that if it does change I will end up being either bisexual or pansexual. I am far too comfortable with either sex when I can get past my own hang ups...

I totally understand.  I also while being in the man role can be with a woman.  I love women but I don't know if I like them or want to be them...it is totally confusing.  Maybe I need to be with one of us...who knows.

[Cindy Truheart]

3 hours ago, Tanya said:

I totally understand.  I also while being in the man role can be with a woman.  I love women but I don't know if I like them or want to be them...it is totally confusing.  Maybe I need to be with one of us...who knows.

Yes! It can be TOTALLY confusing! But for me, I've found that if I take the time to examine my feelings, performing as a man actually has some negative emotions involved. They are deep down, but it's there. And occasionally when I've been able to break down the mental blocks, when my wife has touched me, the feeling of WRONG was so overwhelming that it ruined things for me and I was unable to continue. That is why intimacy for me is from the waist up only for now. Each day I feel more and more female and it feels more and more right. So I try to avoid those things that give me that 'twang' of being wrong. As I understand it, things will work out for themselves in regards to sexuality. But for now I'm just saying that I'm straight, but attracted to my wife. She seems to understand, and she is okay with the fact that I want to look at guys as well as girls. For some reason it made it easier for her than if I was to say that I'm bisexual. I think she just wants to know I'm with her exclusively and since she knows I'm afraid of men due to my past, I believe this reinforces things for her.

[Tanya]

when dressing as a girl, I feel more attracted to men.  I ,also do not really have sexual feelings for women anymore only what they are feeling sexually.  Me and my discreet boyfriend only act like boyfriend/girlfriend behind closed doors in private.  Out in public we act as just guy friends hanging out and I act as masculine as he does...Key word act...lol I really hate that.  I am working so hard at becoming as passable as possible so that I can be a girl in public and no one would ever know the difference.  I sooo want to walk through the mall holding his hand, him kissing me me dressing in a nice dress and going out on a date.  A nice romantic dinner with me wearing a gown etc...where I can be feminine and be girly in public.  One thing that makes me laugh, is now I know how my ex wife felt, when we would cuddle i would be behind her and she could feel me growing if you know what I mean...hehehe  Well now when we are cuddling I know what she felt like because i am in front of him with my butt against him.  lol.  How things have changed in my life.  I have taken steps to change curves in my body by getting butt enhancers and next I think I will look at making my breasts larger.  I have small ones now but that is just left over man boobs.  I don't know if this is wrong to say, but we have the best sex life.  I am so much happier being in the role of the girl.  I feel much more relaxed and at peace and that is the role I should have been in my whole life.  I especially love cuddling and him holding me afterwords.  I feel so comfortable and protected in his strong arms.  Even though I am a Marine and ultimately in the end it would more than likely be me protecting us.  God I really sound like a girl now..lol

[Guest]

On 3/3/2017 at 8:23 AM, Kaylee said:

I personally have not had a dramatic shift in attraction since being on HRT.  I've always been more attracted to women,  but considered myself bi because I found myself attracted to "certain"  men (being Scott Bakula and Jason Momoa : )  and what I find sexually appealing. For me though,  much of the male physique (a lot of that being "body hair") is a turn off, and having given it a shot already,  I don't see dating a guy again in the future.  

I HAVE noticed  though, an increased attraction to women of varying ethnoc backgrounds. Not that I was against it before or anything before hrt,  just that I have noticed an increased attraction.   

Not something I expected. 

I've always been attracted to women, but was able to appreciate a handsome man. Been on HRT for 9-10 months and while I'm still mainly attracted to women, however, my attraction toward certain men or a certain look is stronger. Still the idea of being with a man doesn't do anything for me.

But I have discovered more about myself through the contemplation of my attractions and their changes.......