Coming out in the work place

[MisterWatson]

Hello hello everyone! I come to you all this fine day to ask for some advice!

So, I recently began seeing a gender therapist last Thursday, and, although we will be covering some of the bigger issues I will be facing in the future, there has been one thing that has been bothering me for quite some time now.

Considering the title of this post, I'm sure you all know what this issue is!

Now, regarding coming out in the work place, I'm not necessarily certain on how to do this. All of my coworkers are very understanding and kind to me, and after working with them for a little over six months, I feel as if they know me fairly well, right? But I still worry about how they will handle this, nonetheless.

Regardless, I shall try and move forward! It's just a matter of whether or not I discuss this with HR, my bosses, or both, about my possible transitioning? Or if I should handle this in a different manner?
That, and what exactly should I say?

Any advice?

[TexasLibraryLady]

My advice is try to find out the antidiscrimination policy first, hopefully on the website. It may not matter whether or not gender identity is protected, but I know I felt better once I knew that it was. I recommend going to HR first. They're going to have to be brought in anyway. They are the ones that know what the policies are and can provide guidance. Besides they're going to be the first ones your bosses call.

In my case, I went to HR, they didn't really have a policy in place about transition, so they let me take the lead. If I had gone to my bosses, there would have been a lot more back and forth, and probably a good bit of misinformation.

[MisterWatson]

Thank you very much for your advice! I'll definitely take a look into the policies given, it might take some extensive research, but I'm sure it'd be worth it in the end.

[Tejana]

1 hour ago, TexasLibraryLady said:

My advice is try to find out the antidiscrimination policy first, hopefully on the website. It may not matter whether or not gender identity is protected, but I know I felt better once I knew that it was. I recommend going to HR first. They're going to have to be brought in anyway. They are the ones that know what the policies are and can provide guidance. Besides they're going to be the first ones your bosses call. In my case, I went to HR, they didn't really have a policy in place about transition, so they let me take the lead. If I had gone to my bosses, there would have been a lot more back and forth, and probably a good bit of misinformation.

Probably the best advice (i.e., going to HR...esp. w/ re: to checking it out in/on the company HR manual first.  Seems prudent...and may effect one's decisions/plans).

Best wishes in transition.

[Personally, I never went to HR myself....[I am in no way advocating that someone else does that...am just stating what I didn't do...I think it's a personal decision that each individual has to decide for himself/herself.].... I had been w/ my employer tor a few years, before I took a month's paid-time-off to have surgery & to recuperate a bit.  Post srs/grs, I continued to work for the same employer until I retired.  It honestly never occurred to me to go to HR; not entirely sure why....I guess I just always thought that if things got out of hand, beyond my ability to deal w/ it....I'd just quit and go to work for someone else.  I did tell a few folks at work, but in retrospect I consider that to be one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life.]

[Jani]

This is good advice as far as order of precedence.  Once you understand the company policy you can better approach the subject with HR. 

Jani

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

My advice, based on experience, would be to go to HR first. They would also know, or could easily look up, any policies in place. They would be the ones to help navigate a time line for work place transition so people who need to know will know and have someone designated for questions or concerns.

[Guest]

This October will be my thirtieth year here, and I'm still worried! I've told the personnel director, and about a dozen co-workers that I've known forever and believe them to be supportive people. So far I've picked properly because so far, no one except my daughter freaked out.

I've told my personnel director that I intend to complete transition this year and change my name and gender. I intend to just slowly continue. Been on HRT and changing my attire for a year now, now Im starting to feel like accelerating, but I'm also trying to wait for my wife to catch up. Good luck........

[MisterWatson]

Firstly, I apologize for my late reply, I've been sick this past week or so, and just now have been able to keep my eyes open without them watering (finally!)

However, after taking everything into consideration (and thank you all for taking the time to respond to this!) I have decided to turn to HR when it comes to this situation. But, I am unsure of when to do this.

Would it be best if I wait to tell them when I know for certain I have an upcoming surgery to help with my transition/am expecting to take hormones? Or, should I discuss this with them as soon as possible?

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello, Mr. Watson.  I've been on VC recently and don't think I've met you before this.  So a belated welcome to you.

The advice given above is very good and I could not agree more.  How you handle things depends, in part, on your situation with the company, how open it is to new things (or how open it says it is), how big it is, and how many people you routinely deal with.

In my case, I had a staff of 25 in an organization of over 200, most of whom knew me.  I came out to HR and we formed a working group to plan everything out.  My transition, with one exception, went extremely well, and I owe that to the planning we did.

Based on the fact that you just started seeing a GT, I don't think there is a rush to tell HR.  I would wait until you are a few weeks to a few months from the time you plan to socially transition.  It would cut down on red tape if you didn't transition until you have changed your name, so that Personnel and Payroll won't have legal issues.  But those things can be worked around if all you want to do is an "unofficial" name change.

There is a sub-forum here on Coming Out, with some great threads going back a while.  You can check it out.  There is also lots of stuff online to help provide advice and support, including state by state how-to's on legal name changes.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Carolyn Marie

[MisterWatson]

Thank you very much! I most definitely will wait before telling HR, then. And thank you for the warm welcome!

I am meeting with my gt in a week and a half, and will possibly bring this up to her during the session, I don't doubt she will agree with you all! It won't hurt to wait until the time is right anyhow, they're a big company, but I don't believe them to be adverse in helping me with this change.

Thank you for the help everyone! (and thank you for taking the time to answer this!)