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Aanzinaago'Stephanie

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Miigwetch wiizhaam Laura's Playground. Gaawii Stephanie ndishnikaazosii. Niin anishinaabekwe.

First, thank you for inviting me to join Laura's Playground. My name is Stephanie. I've been stalking ? lurking ? a guest for quite some time, reading up on a lot of your own personal experiences and your own personal growths. I am very happy to read many things in which I have felt for a few decades, but was too afraid and felt it was wrong for me to become the person I always felt I was (I have come to recognize I have a fear of acceptance, and always tried to be what other people perceived rather than be who I am).

Um, a bit about me? My biological mother left me when I was very young and was taken in by alcoholic parents who were abusive (they've come a long way, as I am still in contact with them -- but still have some of the old patterns that I find difficult to handle). I never had an "ah-ha" moment that I was trans until college when I heard on the Radio (Sex with Sue) about a trans. I was like, that's me. But, I never actioned it out of fear.

I was in the military for ten years and was forced to step down after years of internal abuse (against Native Americans) -- as well as an accumulation of traumatic events that lead me to be diagnosed with PTSD. My personal policy for a very long time was heterosexual in the public eye, homosexual in private. In many ways, my PTSD brought me to come full face with the emotions and feelings (after a good amount of time invested in therapy -- which I still do). I was avoiding a lot of what I wanted and how I felt. I started to see dysfunctional patterns in my dating habits (often dating abusive people or individuals I thought I could "save and help" because I never felt I was saved as a child -- I realize now that I can only save myself). I finally came out to my family about four months ago as being transgendered (I am fortunate that my therapist specialized in sexuality and has been very helpful for me to start on this path). I also have been very selected to make sure I have supportive people in my life and for the first time in my life, established clear boundaries.

The main thing I truly wanted to do by signing up to this forum is to say THANK YOU. I am learning very much from your experiences. Some of you have made me cry because I felt the pains and sufferings. Others, made me smile. And still others made me nod and go wow, that's very much how I think.

I hope I can help others as much as some of you have helped me already.

As a sidenote: I see an endocrinologist in April, am already part of a trans health support group (where I live), and I would consider myself part-time, in the sense that if I know where I am going is safe, then I dress the way I want to, and if I'm unsure or have a bad gut-feeling, I go as "guy mode".

 

:)

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  • Root Admin

Hello Stephanie,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing your story with us. :)

 

MaryEllen

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  • Forum Moderator

Greetings Aanzinaago'Stephanie.  Thanks for joining us, we're so glad you're here.  Your name is interesting.  Is it in your Native American tongue?   

It sounds like you are on your way and doing fine.  As you note we all have our stories and some are happy or funny, and some are not.  But we're all here to help one another.  Please join in the conversation.  We'd love to hear more from you.

Jani

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Stephanie,

Welcome to Laura's! Glad you've joined us.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Aanzinaago'Stephanie.  Thank you for sharing your story.  It amazes me how different and yet how similar we are.  I have found that as i share and read about the journeys of others i learn and grow accept my own path.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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36 minutes ago, Jani423 said:

Greetings Aanzinaago'Stephanie.  Thanks for joining us, we're so glad you're here.  Your name is interesting.  Is it in your Native American tongue?   

It sounds like you are on your way and doing fine.  As you note we all have our stories and some are happy or funny, and some are not.  But we're all here to help one another.  Please join in the conversation.  We'd love to hear more from you.

Jani

Hi Jani. Aanzinaago means he or she becomes. I never had a naming ceremony, but as an Elder once told me, we can give ourselves names too (or called Name Givers). It's not near the same thing whatsoever, but some of us disconnected, it can define where we are. So as a user name, I thought it'd be appropriate to use that word.

I'm still learning Ojibwe, so I might have spelling errors or I might be misusing the word and the location.

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  • Forum Moderator

That's very interesting.  I like that name as it has real meaning. 

16 minutes ago, Aanzinaago'Stephanie said:

I'm still learning Ojibwe, so I might have spelling errors or I might be misusing the word and the location.

We won't tell anyone.  Promise. :)

Jani

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2 hours ago, Charlize said:

Welcome Aanzinaago'Stephanie.  Thank you for sharing your story.  It amazes me how different and yet how similar we are.  I have found that as i share and read about the journeys of others i learn and grow accept my own path.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Thank you Charlize. I believe you wrote it best as to how different yet how similar we are. :)

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Welcome Stephanie! Thanks for sharing your story! I look forward to talking with you more!

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Playground, Stephanie.  I greatly appreciate your detailed introduction, as it helps me, and all of us, get to know you. 

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Thank you to all for the welcomes (Mary Ellen, Timber Wolf, Cindy, Carolyn, Marcie, Tracy and Briana). :)

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