Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

One big step coming...


Dakota16

Recommended Posts

When I left work yesterday, I asked the boss/company owner for some time to talk about a personal matter and set the wheels in motion. If things line up, I'll be coming out to work today! :)

I have to admit it does nothing for my normally high anxiety levels so I'm a bundle of nerves, but it has to be done. I can't keep changing between two identities anymore.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Best wishes to you.  Even if it is not full and total support and acceptance, or may even be a bit cold, it will change in time.  To some of these people it will be a shock, and to some it will be a ho-hum thing, but it will still take time, and reactions will flip-flop over the next several months.  All major changes go through a predictable cycle before they are completed in everyone's minds.

You will not have failed in what you did, you started a change and it will be fine in time.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It's all right to feel a bit of anxiety since this is an important matter to you but don't let it control you.  You'll do fine.  Vicky's comment is spot on. 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good luck, Dakota! No matter how it turns out, it's a step foreward. Hopefully it won't be a painful step. Keeping fingers crossed!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

We're all behind you!  Let us know how it goes.  Best!!!!!!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited! 

I work in the office for a transportation company and there are only nine people working in the building. My original hope was to go straight to the company's owner, who is very active in keeping things going since there isn't a specific HR person. Our schedules haven't yet come together, but I did go to the person responsible for company compliance who also does the vast majority of hiring. I briefly explained that I've been going through changes at home and it was time to bring those changes into the workplace. That's when I flat out said I'm transgender. She smiled and said she suspected for awhile since she was watching what I was wearing to work (in all honesty, I've been wearing women's clothes to work for about a year now, before I fully understood who I am). We ended up having a nice conversation about it and will continue tomorrow, hopefully with the owner involved as well. I'm going to email some links I've found about having a transgender employee/coworker, along with my name and pronoun preferences.

I'm not entirely there yet, but I'm one step closer to being me at work! :)

I'll keep you all posted! :)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That's so good.  See, no reason to get all worked up.  You had already outed yourself! 

Congratulations on a big step forward.

Jani

Link to comment

So tomorrow is the big day! It'll be me, the compliance manager, and the company owner all sitting down together to come up with a way to work together on my transition! I'm sure I'll be asked about preferences and such, but other than my name, female pronouns, dressing as me both in the office and behind the wheel, and respecting what I'm going through, I'm not sure what else I should bring up. I've looked through resources about coming out to employers, but I'm overwhelmed with all the excitement of finally being able to be me and pretty much go full-time. Does anyone have any suggestions on what else I should bring up?

Link to comment

Well, one week after telling the boss/owner that I wanted to talk, I finally got the chance earlier today. The conversation went ridiculously well, covering the more immediate things like company paperwork still needs to have my birth name until I change it legally (which I fully expected anyway), and making sure to let me know that if I did encounter any negative reactions or discrimination I can always go to them. The boss wasn't surprised either, saying he's been waiting for me to come out. Apparently I've been outing myself the entire time without realizing it. :)

My announcement last week forced them to get their updated employee handbook ready (which they've been dragging their feet on with other things happening so it ended up working out) and out to all employees. But then came the best news of the conversation: Dakota starts going to work on the 20th! And four days later is my first bus trip as me! :)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Great news!!!!!:D:):applause: Woo hoo!

I love hearing good news like this. Congrat's!?

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

The entire office staff knows Dakota shows up Monday! One co-worker emailed me saying congrats and they support my transition. The company owner is already calling me Dakota and they changed the name on my mailbox yesterday. This will be an interesting first week for sure! :)

Link to comment

So happy to read your latest update Dakota! Very happy for you and I can't imagine the feelings you are having. :D Thank you sharing!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 118 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • Susie
    • kristinabee
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,057
    • Most Online
      8,356

    kristinabee
    Newest Member
    kristinabee
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
    • Betty K
      Oops, I did not mean to post that comment yet! I was going to also say, having read a mountain of commentary on the Review, I think Julia Serano’s response (linked by Vicky above) is the most accurate and thorough. You can also read a non-paywalled version at Substack: https://juliaserano.substack.com/p/the-cass-review-wpath-files-and-the   To me the three key areas in which the review is deficient are:   1. As has already been said here, its views on social transition;   2. Its attempts to give credence to the “ROGD” theory (without ever actually mentioning ROGD because presumably a canny editor knows that would be too transparently transphobic);   3. To me, most crucially, its claims about trans youth and suicide, which are dealt with summarily in about five pages and do not stand up to any deeper scrutiny.    I will be writing about each of these issues in isolation over the next few weeks and appearing on a radio show and podcast to discuss them late in the month. I will post links to these on TP later if anyone is interested.   All that said, I actually think it’s dangerous for us to respond with outright vitriol and condemnation to the review since, like any effective piece of disinformation, it does actually contain some factually based and even helpful recommendations. The Tavistock Gender Identity Service really was underfunded and understaffed and certain staff were not adequately trained. Trans kids really were funnelled away from mental-health support once they started gender-affirming care too. So yes, more investment in youth psychology services would help, as would a less centralised model of care, more training in treatment of trans kids, and more research.   One last thing for now: beware the claim that Cass ignored 98% of studies. That’s not strictly true. She seems to have taken other studies into account but leaned heavily on the 2% that met her standards. Nor does she ever claim that only randomised controlled trials are good enough evidence to justify the use of blockers for kids; just as with ROGD, she strongly suggests this, but is too canny to say it, because she knows such trials would be impossible. For now, I think the best response to this comes from the Trans Safety Network: “[…] we believe there to be systemic biases in the ways that the review prioritises speculative and hearsay evidence to advance its own recommendations while using highly stringent evidence standards to exclude empirical and observational data on actual patients. “ (https://transsafety.network/posts/tsn-statement-on-cass-final-report/)   To me, the scariest aspect of all this is that, if it follows Cass’s recommendations, the NHS will very likely follow Finland’s recent model of trans care, which seems to amount to a prolonged form of conversion therapy. I can’t find the link right now, which is probably lucky for anyone reading this, but I bawled my guts out reading the testimonies of kids who had been mistreated by that system. Truly horrific. To me, at least from my Australian perspective, the Cass Review is the most frightening development in trans rights in recent years. To me, the safe care of trans kids is THE number one issue in politics atm.   Ruth Pierce has a good summary of responses from trans folk and their allies sk far: https://ruthpearce.net/2024/04/16/whats-wrong-with-the-cass-review-a-round-up-of-commentary-and-evidence/    
    • Sally Stone
      Welcome to the wide, wild world of transgender, M.A.  It can definitively be overwhelming, but everyone here is amazing, so no doubt you'll get bunches of wonderful support. I think you'll be happy you found us.   
    • Sally Stone
      @Ladypcnj  This is so true.  I think all of us here have had a post or two that didn't get a response.  Sometimes, it's as simple as adding to your original to post for a clearer explanation, or re-reading what you wrote originally, and rephrasing it.  But don't despair, we aren't ignoring you.   Hugs,   Sally 
    • Willow
      So, we left for lunch in our Taos, talked and went to the dealer and came home with the Cadillac.  
    • Betty K
      I have just finished reading the Cass Review, all 380-odd pages of it, and am totally open to questions including via DM if anyone wants more information on it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      What season are you?  If you don't know, look around on the internet. Or ask a girl friend..  Maybe someone here is even a color consultant?   And there are guides on figure-flattering clothes for all shapes that you should look into.    Abby
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Just know that your kids will probably turn out OK, in spite of the chaos.  One of my partners was widowed in her very early 30s, left with 3 kids.  They're teens now, and one graduated a year ago and is working, but still living at home.  A few bumps in the road, but the three are turning into responsible young adults.  It is amazing how resilient kids can be.  They should be able to handle your changes as well.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Had my time with my 2 long friends I was in the Army with.We went through the photo books and talked memories.They also found about the guy that bullied and sexually assaulted me.He is in prison,sexually assaulted and raped 2 women off base.Doing a 40 year sentence for this and was dishonorable discharged
    • Cindy Lee
      I've been transitioning now for eight months but have been wearing women's clothing for 2+ years. I am over weight and approaching my 72nd birthday. I have purchase my solid color clothing online and recently graduated to 'V' neck tops. I have been hesitant to get anything more girly due to family issues, though with my hair style I am able to totally pass when dressed in a skirt and blouse.   About two  months ago I finally went and got my nails done (which I truly which I had done long ago) though not red nor pink (again family issues). To date I don't think I am having problems with being trans unlike others seem to have. The biggest problem I am having is with my clothing. Any suggestions my girl friends might have would be greatly appreciated.   Cindy
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Umm.... if a post is ignored, live with it?   My stuff gets ignored sometimes, and its OK.  My life is different, and may seem kind of wacky to others.  Some folks just can't relate, or if I'm needing advice they just don't have it.  Diversity is like that sometimes.  If your post gets missed, don't take it personally.  Also, stuff that is new on weekends seems to get ignored more, since most folks are busy with family or other stuff during that time.  Overall, I think people here are pretty helpful. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'd really love a professional stove.  There's actually one I want at Lowes, but its like $6k.  I've got plenty of money, the issue is that I'm not the queen (king?) of my den.  Or even of the kitchen.  My partner (husband's wife #1) owns that territory, and she's very attached to what she's got.  One of our stoves has 6 burners and a large oven, the other has 4 burners and a regular household sized oven.  And of course, there's always the wood-burning equipment.    Today was interesting.  We had the first campaign fundraiser for our sheriff and my sister.  My sister is running to be constable of our township.  Pretty sure she'll win, as her opponent is an old dude who is mostly running on "Don't elect a woman for a man's job"    What's weird is our sheriff is running as a Democrat, but he's conservative.  And his Republican opponent sounds like a leftist.  Welcome to Upside-down-ville   And of course all the kids got the chance to sit in a sheriff's car, and play with the lights.   We had a barbecue lunch and a dessert auction.  I baked three apple pies for it, and I was shocked that they sold for $20 each, since my cooking isn't that great.  My partner made her famous "Chocotorta."  It's like a chocolate layer cake with cream cheese, sweetened condensed milk, and it tastes amazing.  Usually we have it for Christmas and other really special occasions.  Two guys got into a bid war, and it sold for $175!!!    Yep, this is politics in the South.  Barbecue, pies, and police cars.  A great way to spend a Saturday
    • Davie
      Yes. That report is part of a conspiracy to torture and murder trans people. It is a lie. It is evil.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...