How Do I Know If I'm Faking?

[NathanThePlatypus]

While researching the topic of transition, I came across mention of 'transtrenders' and I've been told by my sister that when you read/watch a lot about something you can make yourself feel something that isn't real. This made me scared that I somehow made myself think I was transgender to be like the people I was watching.

How do I know if I'm just making this up? The reasons I'd say I'm not are that I've felt uncomfortable my whole life, and it got much worse around puberty when I began to hate looking in mirrors and leaving the house, and the sound of my voice. I've always hated attention and sympathy, and the idea of standing out, so I wouldn't say I'm inventing it for attention. I also wouldn't really want everyone I met to know I was transgender if I transitioned - I just want to be seen as male (a common thing I saw related to the idea of 'transtrenders' was people who always introduced themselves as transgender to sound 'cool'). Also, now that I have been thinking about being transgender I cringe (sometimes physically) when people call me 'she' or 'miss' or 'young lady' and it made me grin like an idiot when a waitress called me 'sir' the other night at a restaurant - but that's only started since I began thinking about it. I'm also insanely jealous of a lot of cis men, which has always been the case but I used to just think I was jealous of their fame/looks/intelligence until I realised I wasn't jealous of women in the same position. The main thing for me is that I don't really have bottom disphoria per se - I don't hate what I have, I'd just much rather have male parts. As for top disphoria I used to have it worse before I started thinking I was trans but I feel like I almost got used to it and now my only real issue is that it means people immediately see me as female. I still hate the sound of my voice, and I always have, and I've always tried to make it sound lower. And the main thing I get disphoria with is my lips and height - but men can have thick lips and be short, and transition wouldn't change either of those things! 

I'm very confused at the moment and could really use advice. Did anyone else have the same thoughts when just figuring themselves out? How do I know if I'm just delusional/ fooling myself?!?!

[MaryEllen]

Unless your sister is a trained gender therapist, I would doubt very much that what she told you is true. A qualified gender therapist could lead you on the path to finding out whether you are transgender or not.

MaryEllen

[tracy_j]

My suggestion is not to worry. If you are heading toward transition then it is essential and required to have professional advice anyway.

Mentally it is possible for a suggestion to become an obsession but it is in very few people that it becomes a problem. We naturally question ourselves as it is natural to think and work our way through life.

Personally I am very similar as I am not as concerned as many about my body but am far more mentally aligned as a woman. That said, I do think about it at times. In fact the very things you are worried about. I do wonder where things will end up but I don't worry too much. By and large people accept me for who I am and I am confident enough to live and dress as I feel. I regard myself as androgyne or non binary. I will admit that compared with many here I am not fully transexual. It worries me not, but I do think about how I am viewed by others. My view for myself is to live as a women with what I have got, knowing that there is no such thing as the ideal woman. As with any woman I work with what I have. I just have more issues than other women.

No - Don't get into mind games! Accept yourself for who you are and move on. Whatever the situation, you are who you are. If you are worried then approach your GP for referral to gender therapist. You are not the only person here to worry about this issue, and there will be more than the two of us!

Tracy

[Guest Laura Beth]

At first I thought I had a split personality but after talking about it with my counselor that I had been seeing for a few years prior she said that I didn't. I had looked up the signs and everything to the point that I even felt like I had two people living within me. After talking about it with my counselor I came to the realization it was the repression of who I real was that was trying so hard to surface and break free. Since that time I have been living the life I was more meant to live to the point that my spouse can't wait for me to start hormones.  I feared that ones would think that I was transitioning to follow a trend because of all the ones coming out trans at the time but my spouse said to not worry about what others thought about my decisions because I needed to live my life and be happy.

Laura Beth

[DrumbeatAlex]

Woah! I could almost have written this! I'm new to all this too and feel the same as you in so many aspects!  :/

I've been reading stuff on transgender topics and get concerned I'm just convincing myself into it. So you're definitely not alone in that. The thing with pronouns is the same for me too, it sometimes bothers me when I get called "she" "daughter" "girl" etc. but I never noticed it before looking into this stuff (or at least don't remember noticing it). Ugh, and that not liking attention but also feeling you could still just be convincing yourself. D:

As everyone always suggests, gender therapy may help find some clarity but that's all the advice I really have. Also, really try to listen to what you want, don't try to force yourself to align to a certain label which you think is "you" (I sometimes find myself wearing stuff I dont feel like wearing that day just coz it's more masculine and I feel like I "should" be wearing it if I'm not just making this up in my head- don't do this). 

So, as far as I know, there is no obvious way to tell if it's real or if you're just convincing yourself but I can empathise with your feelings.  ... and if you find any clarity on this I'd be interested to know  

[NathanThePlatypus]

Thanks for the replies  I can't go into school today because of disphoria so I kind of feel like it's a real problem but I don't know what to do. The worst thing is my attendance is already -crap- and I'm afraid that they'll contact my parents and I'll have to tell them why I've been skipping so much. I could still go in but I'd be half an hour late... I also feel like I can't wear any of my clothes because I only own one men's jumper... the rest of my clothes are all jumpers and jeans but they're tight fitting and it makes me feel so self conscious I just ugh...

 

(also - is your profile picture Gray from Fair Tail? I love that show  )

[Cindy Truheart]

My gender dysphoria got worse as I started my journey, that isn't uncommon either. We repress who we are to fit in because we don't have answers and we feel the pressure to be like everyone else. So we learn to ignore things and just move on with our lives.

When I first went out fully presenting as female and was properly addressed as  female is when it started for me. All of a sudden, when I was back in my "man-suite", my dysphoria started getting really bad. It's been difficult to continue going through my life ever since, that was one reason for my deciding to transition. With therapy I've been able to mitigate things so that I can get through the day, and slowly, things are getting better for me!

Don't discount your feelings! Explore who you are and become that person! It can happen! Have faith!

[MarcieMarie12]

2 hours ago, NathanThePlatypus said:

(also - is your profile picture Gray from Fair Tail? I love that show  )

I'm a fan. I totallly ship Juliet and Gray. I am sure there is fanfic for it....I so want to see Lucy and Natsu to kiss-though her shielding herself with Happy was funny in the last episode I saw. I am in the middle of season 2 right now. 

Back on topic, I would also ignore others peoples feelings in this in understanding yourself. How family friends and others react is based on their fear of  loosing the person they know for someone they don't.  I think their opinions are based on this. There is also the stigma some people fear and that factors in as well-especially true for family members. 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Nathan,

As far as "faking it" is concerned, early on I wondered the same thing. My questions were pretty well answered by looking at my past. Which came first, feeling like I should be a girl, or studying up on transgender. I felt like I should be a girl since I was a kid, years before I even knew what trans was. That's how I found I wasn't just trying to fit into a group or click.

You mentioned feeling that you're supposed to be a boy long before reading up on transgender. Just because we don't perfectly fit a stereotypical mold doesn't mean we're faking it or deluding ourselves. We are all individual. Each one of us has our own life story. This is something that a GT could help you sort out. 

 

It doesn't sound to me like you have too much to worry about as far as being genuine or not. You sound genuine to me. Just be patient, the answers will come.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[NathanThePlatypus]

Thank you Timber Wolf, hopefully the GT will happen sooner rather than later because I'm driving myself insane here.

[DrumbeatAlex]

19 hours ago, NathanThePlatypus said:

(also - is your profile picture Gray from Fair Tail? I love that show  )

Lol yes  ..though I have to admit I havent actually watched/read Fairy Tail (but Gray looks like a cool guy ). Would you recommend it?

Go shopping (if possible)! Getting clothes you like and feel comfortable in is pretty great. 

Did you end up getting to school? Attendance can be a pain.   but you can always make up a reason for skipping (potentially even a reason which leads to therapy if you want some.)  

[NathanThePlatypus]

5 hours ago, DrumbeatAlex said:

Lol yes  ..though I have to admit I havent actually watched/read Fairy Tail (but Gray looks like a cool guy ). Would you recommend it? 

I would so recommend it  it's on Netflix I think and probably cunchy roll 

[MarcieMarie12]

I would too, it is also on hulu. Yes he is a "cool" guy, He's an ice wizard!

I am watching it on crunchy roll.

[Guest]

On 3/7/2017 at 5:29 AM, NathanThePlatypus said:

While researching the topic of transition, I came across mention of 'transtrenders' and I've been told by my sister that when you read/watch a lot about something you can make yourself feel something that isn't real. This made me scared that I somehow made myself think I was transgender to be like the people I was watching.

How do I know if I'm just making this up? The reasons I'd say I'm not are that I've felt uncomfortable my whole life, and it got much worse around puberty when I began to hate looking in mirrors and leaving the house, and the sound of my voice. I've always hated attention and sympathy, and the idea of standing out, so I wouldn't say I'm inventing it for attention. I also wouldn't really want everyone I met to know I was transgender if I transitioned - I just want to be seen as male (a common thing I saw related to the idea of 'transtrenders' was people who always introduced themselves as transgender to sound 'cool'). Also, now that I have been thinking about being transgender I cringe (sometimes physically) when people call me 'she' or 'miss' or 'young lady' and it made me grin like an idiot when a waitress called me 'sir' the other night at a restaurant - but that's only started since I began thinking about it. I'm also insanely jealous of a lot of cis men, which has always been the case but I used to just think I was jealous of their fame/looks/intelligence until I realised I wasn't jealous of women in the same position. The main thing for me is that I don't really have bottom disphoria per se - I don't hate what I have, I'd just much rather have male parts. As for top disphoria I used to have it worse before I started thinking I was trans but I feel like I almost got used to it and now my only real issue is that it means people immediately see me as female. I still hate the sound of my voice, and I always have, and I've always tried to make it sound lower. And the main thing I get disphoria with is my lips and height - but men can have thick lips and be short, and transition wouldn't change either of those things! 

I'm very confused at the moment and could really use advice. Did anyone else have the same thoughts when just figuring themselves out? How do I know if I'm just delusional/ fooling myself?!?!

I was a bit concerned about this myself for various reasons. But the fact remains that I have felt like a woman since I told my father when I was 5. And then periodic issues throughout my life. Nope, I don't think I'm kidding myself. Look within.......

[Sander]

Hi Nathan.  I used to feel like you do when I was in school.  I used to wear boys' clothes and tape down my breasts with duct tape.  (This was before I had any idea that purpose-made binders existed.)  As for whether you're "faking," I doubt you are.  I suppose it's just possible that there really are "transtrenders" out there, but in general I can't imagine that people would invent gender dysphoria, which is a very miserable way to feel.  I agree with others that a good therapist who specializes in gender issues would be very helpful for you.  They could help support you during a time when you're feeling very confused and vulnerable.