Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

How Do I Know If I'm Faking?


NathanThePlatypus

Recommended Posts

While researching the topic of transition, I came across mention of 'transtrenders' and I've been told by my sister that when you read/watch a lot about something you can make yourself feel something that isn't real. This made me scared that I somehow made myself think I was transgender to be like the people I was watching.

How do I know if I'm just making this up? The reasons I'd say I'm not are that I've felt uncomfortable my whole life, and it got much worse around puberty when I began to hate looking in mirrors and leaving the house, and the sound of my voice. I've always hated attention and sympathy, and the idea of standing out, so I wouldn't say I'm inventing it for attention. I also wouldn't really want everyone I met to know I was transgender if I transitioned - I just want to be seen as male (a common thing I saw related to the idea of 'transtrenders' was people who always introduced themselves as transgender to sound 'cool'). Also, now that I have been thinking about being transgender I cringe (sometimes physically) when people call me 'she' or 'miss' or 'young lady' and it made me grin like an idiot when a waitress called me 'sir' the other night at a restaurant - but that's only started since I began thinking about it. I'm also insanely jealous of a lot of cis men, which has always been the case but I used to just think I was jealous of their fame/looks/intelligence until I realised I wasn't jealous of women in the same position. The main thing for me is that I don't really have bottom disphoria per se - I don't hate what I have, I'd just much rather have male parts. As for top disphoria I used to have it worse before I started thinking I was trans but I feel like I almost got used to it and now my only real issue is that it means people immediately see me as female. I still hate the sound of my voice, and I always have, and I've always tried to make it sound lower. And the main thing I get disphoria with is my lips and height - but men can have thick lips and be short, and transition wouldn't change either of those things! 

I'm very confused at the moment and could really use advice. Did anyone else have the same thoughts when just figuring themselves out? How do I know if I'm just delusional/ fooling myself?!?!

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Unless your sister is a trained gender therapist, I would doubt very much that what she told you is true. A qualified gender therapist could lead you on the path to finding out whether you are transgender or not.

MaryEllen

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

My suggestion is not to worry. If you are heading toward transition then it is essential and required to have professional advice anyway.

Mentally it is possible for a suggestion to become an obsession but it is in very few people that it becomes a problem. We naturally question ourselves as it is natural to think and work our way through life.

Personally I am very similar as I am not as concerned as many about my body but am far more mentally aligned as a woman. That said, I do think about it at times. In fact the very things you are worried about. I do wonder where things will end up but I don't worry too much. By and large people accept me for who I am and I am confident enough to live and dress as I feel. I regard myself as androgyne or non binary. I will admit that compared with many here I am not fully transexual. It worries me not, but I do think about how I am viewed by others. My view for myself is to live as a women with what I have got, knowing that there is no such thing as the ideal woman. As with any woman I work with what I have. I just have more issues than other women.

No - Don't get into mind games! Accept yourself for who you are and move on. Whatever the situation, you are who you are. If you are worried then approach your GP for referral to gender therapist. You are not the only person here to worry about this issue, and there will be more than the two of us!

Tracy

Link to comment
Guest Laura Beth

At first I thought I had a split personality but after talking about it with my counselor that I had been seeing for a few years prior she said that I didn't. I had looked up the signs and everything to the point that I even felt like I had two people living within me. After talking about it with my counselor I came to the realization it was the repression of who I real was that was trying so hard to surface and break free. Since that time I have been living the life I was more meant to live to the point that my spouse can't wait for me to start hormones.  I feared that ones would think that I was transitioning to follow a trend because of all the ones coming out trans at the time but my spouse said to not worry about what others thought about my decisions because I needed to live my life and be happy.

Laura Beth

Link to comment

Woah! I could almost have written this! I'm new to all this too and feel the same as you in so many aspects!  :/

I've been reading stuff on transgender topics and get concerned I'm just convincing myself into it. So you're definitely not alone in that. The thing with pronouns is the same for me too, it sometimes bothers me when I get called "she" "daughter" "girl" etc. but I never noticed it before looking into this stuff (or at least don't remember noticing it). Ugh, and that not liking attention but also feeling you could still just be convincing yourself. D:

As everyone always suggests, gender therapy may help find some clarity but that's all the advice I really have. Also, really try to listen to what you want, don't try to force yourself to align to a certain label which you think is "you" (I sometimes find myself wearing stuff I dont feel like wearing that day just coz it's more masculine and I feel like I "should" be wearing it if I'm not just making this up in my head- don't do this). 

So, as far as I know, there is no obvious way to tell if it's real or if you're just convincing yourself but I can empathise with your feelings. :) ... and if you find any clarity on this I'd be interested to know ;) 

Link to comment

Thanks for the replies :) I can't go into school today because of disphoria so I kind of feel like it's a real problem but I don't know what to do. The worst thing is my attendance is already -crap- and I'm afraid that they'll contact my parents and I'll have to tell them why I've been skipping so much. I could still go in but I'd be half an hour late... I also feel like I can't wear any of my clothes because I only own one men's jumper... the rest of my clothes are all jumpers and jeans but they're tight fitting and it makes me feel so self conscious I just ugh...

 

(also - is your profile picture Gray from Fair Tail? I love that show :) )

Link to comment

My gender dysphoria got worse as I started my journey, that isn't uncommon either. We repress who we are to fit in because we don't have answers and we feel the pressure to be like everyone else. So we learn to ignore things and just move on with our lives.

When I first went out fully presenting as female and was properly addressed as  female is when it started for me. All of a sudden, when I was back in my "man-suite", my dysphoria started getting really bad. It's been difficult to continue going through my life ever since, that was one reason for my deciding to transition. With therapy I've been able to mitigate things so that I can get through the day, and slowly, things are getting better for me!

Don't discount your feelings! Explore who you are and become that person! It can happen! Have faith!

Link to comment
2 hours ago, NathanThePlatypus said:

(also - is your profile picture Gray from Fair Tail? I love that show :) )

I'm a fan. I totallly ship Juliet and Gray. I am sure there is fanfic for it....I so want to see Lucy and Natsu to kiss-though her shielding herself with Happy was funny in the last episode I saw. I am in the middle of season 2 right now. :)

Back on topic, I would also ignore others peoples feelings in this in understanding yourself. How family friends and others react is based on their fear of  loosing the person they know for someone they don't.  I think their opinions are based on this. There is also the stigma some people fear and that factors in as well-especially true for family members. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Nathan,

As far as "faking it" is concerned, early on I wondered the same thing. My questions were pretty well answered by looking at my past. Which came first, feeling like I should be a girl, or studying up on transgender. I felt like I should be a girl since I was a kid, years before I even knew what trans was. That's how I found I wasn't just trying to fit into a group or click.

You mentioned feeling that you're supposed to be a boy long before reading up on transgender. Just because we don't perfectly fit a stereotypical mold doesn't mean we're faking it or deluding ourselves. We are all individual. Each one of us has our own life story. This is something that a GT could help you sort out. 

 

It doesn't sound to me like you have too much to worry about as far as being genuine or not. You sound genuine to me. Just be patient, the answers will come.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Thank you Timber Wolf, hopefully the GT will happen sooner rather than later because I'm driving myself insane here.

Link to comment
19 hours ago, NathanThePlatypus said:

(also - is your profile picture Gray from Fair Tail? I love that show :) )

Lol yes ;) ..though I have to admit I havent actually watched/read Fairy Tail (but Gray looks like a cool guy ;) ). Would you recommend it?

Go shopping (if possible)! :D Getting clothes you like and feel comfortable in is pretty great. 

Did you end up getting to school? Attendance can be a pain. :(  but you can always make up a reason for skipping (potentially even a reason which leads to therapy if you want some.) ;) 

Link to comment
5 hours ago, DrumbeatAlex said:

Lol yes ;) ..though I have to admit I havent actually watched/read Fairy Tail (but Gray looks like a cool guy ;) ). Would you recommend it? 

I would so recommend it :) it's on Netflix I think and probably cunchy roll 

Link to comment

I would too, it is also on hulu. Yes he is a "cool" guy, He's an ice wizard! :D

I am watching it on crunchy roll.

Link to comment
On 3/7/2017 at 5:29 AM, NathanThePlatypus said:

While researching the topic of transition, I came across mention of 'transtrenders' and I've been told by my sister that when you read/watch a lot about something you can make yourself feel something that isn't real. This made me scared that I somehow made myself think I was transgender to be like the people I was watching.

How do I know if I'm just making this up? The reasons I'd say I'm not are that I've felt uncomfortable my whole life, and it got much worse around puberty when I began to hate looking in mirrors and leaving the house, and the sound of my voice. I've always hated attention and sympathy, and the idea of standing out, so I wouldn't say I'm inventing it for attention. I also wouldn't really want everyone I met to know I was transgender if I transitioned - I just want to be seen as male (a common thing I saw related to the idea of 'transtrenders' was people who always introduced themselves as transgender to sound 'cool'). Also, now that I have been thinking about being transgender I cringe (sometimes physically) when people call me 'she' or 'miss' or 'young lady' and it made me grin like an idiot when a waitress called me 'sir' the other night at a restaurant - but that's only started since I began thinking about it. I'm also insanely jealous of a lot of cis men, which has always been the case but I used to just think I was jealous of their fame/looks/intelligence until I realised I wasn't jealous of women in the same position. The main thing for me is that I don't really have bottom disphoria per se - I don't hate what I have, I'd just much rather have male parts. As for top disphoria I used to have it worse before I started thinking I was trans but I feel like I almost got used to it and now my only real issue is that it means people immediately see me as female. I still hate the sound of my voice, and I always have, and I've always tried to make it sound lower. And the main thing I get disphoria with is my lips and height - but men can have thick lips and be short, and transition wouldn't change either of those things! 

I'm very confused at the moment and could really use advice. Did anyone else have the same thoughts when just figuring themselves out? How do I know if I'm just delusional/ fooling myself?!?!

I was a bit concerned about this myself for various reasons. But the fact remains that I have felt like a woman since I told my father when I was 5. And then periodic issues throughout my life. Nope, I don't think I'm kidding myself. Look within.......

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Nathan.  I used to feel like you do when I was in school.  I used to wear boys' clothes and tape down my breasts with duct tape.  (This was before I had any idea that purpose-made binders existed.)  As for whether you're "faking," I doubt you are.  I suppose it's just possible that there really are "transtrenders" out there, but in general I can't imagine that people would invent gender dysphoria, which is a very miserable way to feel.  I agree with others that a good therapist who specializes in gender issues would be very helpful for you.  They could help support you during a time when you're feeling very confused and vulnerable.  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 135 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • Heather Shay
    • Betty K
    • KathyLauren
    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,061
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Vivelacors
    Newest Member
    Vivelacors
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Aelia
      Aelia
      (22 years old)
    2. Just-Jenny-finally
      Just-Jenny-finally
      (65 years old)
    3. KelcieK
      KelcieK
      (50 years old)
    4. Krimson Kya
      Krimson Kya
      (35 years old)
    5. Robin
      Robin
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • Willow
      Good morning    wow, this is what 6 AM looks like not looking out the windows at work. Interesting week of start times 7,8,7,7,4.  ASM is off most of the week.     No coffee this morning, at least not until I get to work.  I’m going to see if no coffee makes a difference in how I feel today, I’ve head a headache for several days now, nothing has helped.  I do realize that stopping coffee cold turkey can bring on caffeine withdrawal headaches so I expect today to be no better.  But I’m hoping for tomorrow.  Today is just to see what if any affect it has on my throat.    time to fix my hair and walk the dog before I motor across the road.  Cherri o .   keep a stiff upper lip and all that stuff.  (Sorry, nothing the least bit funny coming to mind this morning, you’ll have to entertain yourself today}
    • Heather Shay
      What do you think is the biggest block to LGBTQ+ acceptance?
    • Heather Shay
      Nice Sunday, several new LGBTQ+ friends.
    • Heather Shay
      DON’T ADD JUDGEMENT TO YOUR FEELINGS by Olga Lacroix | Anxiety relief, Happiness, Mindfulness I’m sitting here drinking my favorite coffee, and as I enjoy this moment I cannot wait to share with you the thoughts that are in my head.  Recently, I have talked about how circumstances don’t determine your future. And somewhere along the line, I wanted to explore a little bit more about our thought process. How we discourage ourselves so often from our goals and from the things that we want, because we have beliefs that go against what we want. In this episode, I want to talk about how it’s important for us to learn not to judge our feelings. Aside from being a Life Coach, I’m also a Certified Mindfulness Instructor. And non-judgement is one of the learnings that I enjoy understanding, applying, and teaching. WHY BEING JUDGEMENTAL IS HARMFUL Sometimes it’s so difficult to be non-judgmental, especially if it’s coming from a bad experience or emotions. For example, a client of mine just had a pregnancy loss and a part of her coping mechanism is to hate or be indifferent to people who have babies.  It’s her way of processing the grief and protecting herself from anger and sadness. And recently someone close to her had a baby. She wanted to feel excited for that person but somehow her bad experience was holding her back. Like her, a lot of people cope this way. Some people try to hide their feelings and emotions just because they’ve already judged them as maybe improper or inappropriate emotions. And what happens is, those emotions stay inside them longer, they don’t get to process their emotions, and it becomes more painful. HOW NOT TO BE JUDGEMENTAL When we judge our feelings as bad, our natural response is to avoid it. We go through crazy lengths just to avoid the feeling, but by avoiding it we’re actually growing it. So what do we do? Do not judge the emotion, allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Don’t mask it, instead embrace it.  DON’T IDENTIFY WITH YOUR EMOTIONS For someone like me who experienced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, a common side effect is anxiety. I have learned that the more I try to repel the anxious thoughts, the stronger they feel in my body, and the longer they stay. But when I’m courageous enough, and I say to the feeling, I’m not gonna judge you for existing, you’re just a feeling. I tell myself something neutral. There is anxiety, not I am anxious. Separate yourself from the feeling. The feeling is not you and it’s just temporary. FINDING THE BALANCE Now when the feeling is good and positive, we jump into attachment, wanting that feeling to linger longer and even forever. But according to Buddha, that’s when the suffering begins, when you want to make something last forever, and when you’re not ready to understand and accept the impermanence of emotions. Find the balance in your emotions. Learn to separate yourself from the emotion. Feel the emotions whether they’re good or bad, but don’t dwell in it. It’s an emotion that we need to feel, process, and eventually let go. Through this, we will achieve a healthier mind. STEPS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM JUDGEMENT The first step is awareness. Being aware of the emotion and how you have judged it. This step will allow you to think of the next step to free yourself from judgement. Step two is processing your emotion in neutrality. Go to a quiet place, close your eyes, and meditate. Bring all of your senses, all of your awareness to the feeling. Give it attention and wait for it to dissipate.  The last step is to pay attention to the lesson. Become curious and think about what this emotion is teaching you, what wisdom can you take from it. Be an observer of your emotions. You need to react, you need to fix them, change them, modify them, you just need to notice them. And then you need to open the space, let them be felt. These are moments of growth, these are moments of transformation. And most importantly, these are moments where we allow the emotion to be processed. Reset Your Mindset is opening in January of 2022. A program that helps you with making decisions, set clear boundaries without drama or guilt. Stop the hamster wheel that keeps you in overthinking mode, switching off the mean inner voice and switching on confidence and compassion instead. Reset your mindset and discover your true self. Click here to know more! Bonus: I’m also giving participants lifetime access to Detox The Mind online course. A course that emphasizes on helping you create new neurological connections so that you have a happier mind and healthier habits. See you inside!
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Felix!! It sounds like you keep yourself very busy and have some wonderful musical talent. My wife enjoys playing the ukulele, too.   There are lots of veterans here - not sure if any were Marines, though.   The forum is filled with lots of information, links and amazing people. Jump in where you feel comfortable.
    • Roach
      I just want to mention, where I live there are tons of cis guys your height or shorter. Among them is my dad and one of my professors (who are well over 17 y/o lol), and I honestly don't think twice about it. Every time I go to the grocery store I see at least 4 different guys around that height too. I don't think your height will be an issue towards passing long-term. (Well, maybe it's different in your region, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.)   I can relate to the hands thing though. If I ever hold something in front of the camera to take a photo of it, I feel like I have to crop my hands out so they don't "out" me. (I admit that that's silly.)  
    • Roach
      I noticed something like this too once I socially transitioned. I am so accustomed to people referring to me as a guy and using the right name, that socially I feel fine most of the time. This just makes me more aware of how physically uncomfortable I get sometimes.
    • KymmieL
      I have wondered how basic training is for transgender recruits?   Kymmie 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Some of them are us.  I view while logged out sometimes.  But I also know that so much of this forum is public.  I really wish more areas were "members only."  I'm aware that stuff I post here is publicly viewable, so I never post last names, first names of other people, pictures, or give my location.  I tend to think my husband and GF would be displeased at the few things I do post here.... and they may be right.   Our times are pretty uncertain, and it seems to be "fox hunting season" out there. 
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums Felix, enjoy yourself, but please get the homework done!!
    • VickySGV
      On May 4, the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles did a whole 90 minutes of music that was all written by Trans composers and all of our singers and musicians were Trans / NB.  Several of the pieces were actually written by our chorus members.  (I was running a $3,500 set of video cameras on the show and am editing the the massive gigabytes they put out today. We had several guest artists either on stage or who contributed material.  One of the artists was Wrabel who wrote the song The Village which he has dedicated to the Trans Community and describes a young Trans child and the problems they had in their village.  The other MAJOR Trans Artist was Jennifer Leitham, a Bass Viol and Bass Guitar player who as a young man played with the Big Bands of the 60's and 70's in her male self into Transition, and wrote an autobiographical song entitled Manhood which tells of her love of the men she played with in the bands but her not really fitting as a man. Jennifer has played with the Chorus before and is always good music fun to have around.  Two of our members collaborated on a music and poetry piece simply entitled "I'll - - " which brought some tears with a promise to Trans Young People with the whole chorus shouting "I'll be there for you, I will be there for you" said for Trans Kids.  (We actually had a few Trans kids in the audience to hear it.)  My video editing program has about 40 minutes to go producing the main body of the edited video which has the actual song clips in the right order.  Next to put in the Title slides and the credits.  The stuff I get myself into.   The concert took place at the Renberg Theater which is part of the Los Angeles LGB Center in Hollywood.   
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...