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Guest amyj

My real name is ----, but I prefer Amy, so if you want to refer to me, I would prefer Amy.

I am a 18 year old high school student, working online from home to get my diploma. I have found this to be benfeicial now that I am going through this process, as I can act upon my thoughts much better than if I had been in a brick and mortar.

I have done many activities throughout high school, including wrestling and football. I didn't much like wrestling, so I only did one year, but I was actually good at football. I was the star lineman my junior and senior year, mostly due to dwarfing the rest of the players. (I live in a small community; after me at 310 lbs, the next biggest player was 220 lbs.) Football had its moments, but I would much rather have been true to myself than play the sport. I have mentioned already, in another thread, that football was my last ditch effort to fit in. A warning to all FTM out there; if you are going to play football, learning the humor can be the toughest part of the sport. I found most of it to be crude and entirely void of intellect. Just try to laugh anyway, even if you don't find it funny.

My biggest worry right now is society. Transsexualism is a much more accepted idea today than it has ever been, probably due more to the gay rights movement than anything else. (Not that I'm saying anyone here is a homosexual, but most of society can't tell the difference.) I really want to get out there and begin dressing like a female, to get the process started, but even with all the support I have at home, and with my two closest female friends, I am still scared to death. My mind is constantly full of the, "What ifs." (Of course, it's going to be tough to convince anyone that I'm actually a 280lb female. Lol.)

One of the most important things about me posting is that I like to make jokes. Alot. I find that sometimes you have to laugh just to keep yourself from crying, and I've been that way as part of social training. THere used to be a time when I was willing to cry, but due to having to "Act more male," I have really thrown up some walls that practically stop me from crying, and one of them is humor. So please bear with me if I joke in the midst of a serious topic. It won't be crude humor, just enough to try and lighten the mood.

I look forward to meeting you all,

Amy

Oh, and if someone has a link explaining how to do pictures and profile information, I would love the help. I am sometimes so inexperienced with computers that it amazes me I am an online student. Lol.

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Welcome Amy,

I am so glad that you have posted an itroduction.

Come on in to the members lounge and get comfortable, I'll bring you some hot coco and fresh baked cinnamon Rolls.

Don't worry, the food is virtual so it has virtually no calories. :D

We all like to use humor when it helps.

We have a great deal in common but don't worry about your size - there are a lot of really big women!

I'm working on my weight but I'll still be 6'4".

Wait here and a lot of friendly people will come by when the smell of the Cinnamon Rols hits the playground - its a sign that we have a new member and they will want to meet you and the Cinnamon Rolls as well.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest ~Brenda~

Welcome Amy!

My fellow MTF! Nice to actually say "I am a woman!" out loud doesn't it. I am so glad you have found your way here! Really feels good to be home and with friends. We all completely understand where you are at and what your ar feeling. Very nice introduction, and please continue to post on the forums!!

For Avatar, Pictures, signature, Personal statement, etc. Simply click on "My Controls" at the upper right hand of any page and then click on the options on the left hand side of the "My Controls" page.

Hope this helps and WELCOME!!

LOL

bernii

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Guest Donna Jean

Hello, Amy!

How nice to meet you!

I have read your post and I understand where you are coming from....Our resident sweetheart, Sally , can be of great help to with her wisdom and loving ways...She is not "Standard" size either (whatever that is).

But, really most of us here are in the same or similar place as you, so we can certainly feel the things that you do!

Please make yourself at home and relax...I think that you'll like it here very much!

****BIGG HUGG****

Donna Jean

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Guest joe0117

Hi Amy!

Welcome to the playground! I enjoyed learning a little bit about you and look forward to learning even more. You have met three remarkable women. I'm sure they can help answer any questions you might have. Everyone here is super friendly. I'm so glad you are here!

Joe

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Guest amyj

Thank you all for the warm welcome!

It is nice to know I have finally found an active forum. All of the groups on FB are dead as a doornail. Lol.

And yes, it is great to be able to say it. I have been long denying it, and now have only society to climb over before I can finish the process.

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Guest DanM

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the playground, don't worry you will get a hang of how to get things done on the internet pretty quickly. Please have nice little journey around the site and post your thoughts and whatever.

Peace and Love

Dan

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Guest Frank67

Welcome Amy

to Laura's Playground.

Humor is a good way to keep us away from wallowing in self-pity and I know what I am talking about (just 2 words - my parents ;) )

Enjoy your stay, look around, offer help and ask if you have questions.

Frank

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Guest SaraNetherlands

Hello Amy, welcome! Over here you'll find a lot of support. Everyone is very kind and always very welcoming. And an online study, that's amazing. That takes alot of self-discipline. You go, girl! ;)

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  • Posts

    • JenniferB
      The source of estrogen can matter. I started HRT at age 50. My avatar was the result. I started on pills, and moved to estradiol valerate injectables. However, there was a shortage, and I had to use a compounding pharmacy. The estradiol would evaporate in the vial, and couldn't get 5 doses out of it. I eventually move to the patch.    Over time I realized the patch wasn't working properly. And, the last time I visited my doctor he told me my estrogen levels were low. He asked me if I wanted to change to estradiol valerate. I jumped for joy. So I started my script for estradiol valerate. My prescription was ready, but I didn't receive my script for needles for a couple of weeks. So I bought my own (legal). I started with intramuscular injections. This requires a longer needle, and the estrogen is released into the muscles. It has a powerful effect right away but isn't stable. So by the time I took my next injection 2 weeks later, the estradiol in my bloodstream was almost gone. When I finally received my script for my needles, the needle was shorter. So the injection was subcutaneous. What is different with this type of injection as that the estrogen released is more even over 2 weeks (before the next injection). Interesting the syringe/needles my doctor prescribed are so much higher in quality. I am going to follow his path. My breasts are now perky again. And I will let my doctor guide me.    I wish you success on your journey. Let us know how things are proceeding. I am happy for you.   Jennifer 
    • JenniferB
      Patches are the HRT method of least risk. Be aware of your estrogen levels with bloodwork. My doctor took me off patches because my estrogen levels were low. And put me on estradiol valerate injections. I have to say that made a big difference. Be aware of the changes. I don't know your age, or circumstances, but I would research available options of administering hormones.    There are other methods of taking estrogen, and you should research all of them. When my doctor changed my prescription to estradiol valerate amazing things happened. He was slow to prescribe the needles so I ordered them online. I have used injectables before. Getting the nerve to poke myself with the needle was a great hurdle to overcome.   As far as a rollercoaster feeling, I never felt that as much as the excitement of finally starting HRT. That overrode everything. I couldn't focus on how my emotions changed, for excitement trumped all emotions. Let the emotions of starting HRT settle, then make the decisions you feel will best benefit you.    Good luck with your journey,   Jennifer
    • Mmindy
      Welcome back Jennifer    It’s nice to meet you and I look forward to your postings.    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KatieSC
      Regarding the candidates...this is the best either side could do since Obama was President? Biden is supportive, but when I see really solid gains, like ensuring that all transition services are covered by all insurance companies, I will believe the support.   I do not think anybody is trying to destroy the country, but with the current polarization, there is no compromise. There is this "you are either with us or against us" mantra being touted. We can moan all we want about Trump and his ilk, but face it: They are very well coordinated on a national level. They currently have a number of states with a super-majority.   What set all of this in motion? I suspect that there is a lot of things that got under the skin of a lot of conservative folks. Some of it our own fault, and some of it not. Make no mistake, we are in trouble. If they successfully ban child and adolescent transition nationally, I suspect we will be next. Now they may not pass a law, but if they eliminate the requirement that insurance companies cover the costs of medications, procedures, and surgeries, there will be fewer folks transitioning. The services may still be available, but it will be a cash only business. There are already a fair number of healthcare providers who will not accept the insurance reimbursement rates. There are a number of folks that will lack the resources. That is how you limit our existence. We will still exist, but it will get much harder.
    • JenniferB
      I talked to my doctor about this. And I was frank. He told me I was in a grey area, and I agree. I scored a 3, but alcohol has not controlled my life. I won't drink when I have obligations. But, when I can relax, I drink sometimes. I can control it. I intentionally don't buy alcohol before I go to work at the hospital. When I get off work I can't buy it. And this is by design.    Do I have an alcohol problem? Yes. Can I control it? Yes. Does AA help? Yes. But I consider myself a borderline alcoholic. And yes I'd love to stop and AA works for this. I found I don't need the 12 steps, attending is enough to stop the craving.
    • Carolyn Marie
      If the Dems can hold onto the Senate and flip the House, I feel certain that a lot of protections that have been given via Presidential orders will be codified into law.  It's a long shot, I know, but well worth fighting for.   Carolyn Marie
    • Ladypcnj
      Biden is trying to help us, but it's the republicans who wants to roll back our civil rights. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      Nice to see you back here, Jenn.    You were a great contributor to this forum, and i know you have much to offer.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Ivy
      I don't have the reference at hand, but at a rally (I believe) here in NC, he remarked at how surprised he was at the hate he could stir up by mentioning trans people. Since all he personally stands for is Trump, I doubt that he personally gives a rat's a$$ about us.  But, it plays to his base.   Here's one https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-checks-crowd-over-crazy-063513389.html   "“I talk about transgender, everyone goes crazy. Who would have thought? Five years ago, you didn’t know what the hell it was.”"
    • Ivy
      Do you actually believe that the republican congress would vote for trans rights?  That seems to be the one thing left that they actually are united on.   I'm not convinced Biden is "destroying" the country.  I'm not a big fan, actually. However, since the stated goal of the Republican Party is my elimination (2025), I wouldn't be able to enjoy the coming conservative paradise anyway.  My survival as a free trans woman is kinda on the ballot.  So call me a "single issue   voter" it's out of necessity.   I stand by my original statement.  
    • Ladypcnj
      I'm sure I'm not the only one who think this way, I've been listening to what people had been recently saying, wondering why is he so hard on the Lgbt + community? Maybe there is something he's not telling? 
    • MaryEllen
      Welcome back, Jennifer. It's good to see you again.     {{{HUGS}}}   MaryEllen
    • JenniferB
      I am concerned about what Trump will do to the transgender community. One group of his supporters are evangelical Christians. I want to emphasize that not all of these Christians are non-supportive, but there are a lot. When you add that transgender people are being singled out as a punching bag for many politicians, our lives become more in jeopardy. We need to stand up and fight back. We have a right to the same freedoms as everyone else.
    • VickySGV
      Welcome back.
    • JenniferB
      My name is Jennifer, and used to be a part of this forum, going back to Laura's' Playground. I already know quite a few of the people here. I started transition about 15 years ago. My  gender markers are changed with Social Security and birth certificate. The reason I am returning is I believe I can help guide newer members through the pitfalls of their transitioning experience.   I lived in Arizona, and now live in Maine. And the first thing I want to emphasize is where you live can matter a lot. In Maine, I work in a hospital, and find many of my co-workers very accepting. I find the women more understanding and enjoy my journey more. Of course, this is a small sample, and your mileage may vary.    What I found as one of the most important topics when choosing a place to live. I found only one transgender doctor who understands, or is willing to monitor my HRT. But, he has stopped his regular practice and only sees some of his regular patients on Wednesday mornings. He has changed his career and teaches residents the rest of the week. He told me he wanted to teach other doctors how to work with transgender clients. This subject is woefully lacking in Medical School. I was using the transdermal patch, and we agreed to switch to estradiol valerate. He is working on more feminizing my body. I don't doubt he will be supportive when I decide to go through my surgery, hopefully next year. I will be on Medicare and they support surgery, if it is considered medically necessary.    That is enough for now, and I appreciate this site for all the help with transgender support.   Jennifer
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