Tired of being called an "IT"

[LavaPrincess]

I'm just sick an tired of being called an it 

:+(.. Most people won't realize but that person they call "it" has feelings. Like gez crap, I once again tried to come out to my work environment few truly know and accept but I had to once again shoot it down because of how hostile the work environment feels. They are so transphobic its not even funny. Being told to my face "in life Theirs only 2 genders. Male and female nothing more nothing less. If you say you classify as something else then your an (it)." 

Like I want to know how you girls and guys were able to get over this :+(

[Carolyn Marie]

I'm sorry that this happened to you, hon.  No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior.  I haven't experienced such harassment, but my best advice to you is this:  do your research, be armed with the facts, but keep your cool.  Explain how hurtful such comments are, why they demean you, what work rules (if any) apply to their behavior, and offer up some facts, including recent gender research.  There are lots of places on the Web to download info that might help, including the HRC and Transgender Law Center. 

I wish you luck, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[LavaPrincess]

Thank you, but also besides work its also at my high school as well :+(.. Such hostile environment.. Can't wait to graduate and leave the area.

[DenimAndLace]

That really sucks!  I call it "crushing".  They are trying to crush you.  They are trying to make you conform to their ideals.  They have one way of seeing gender and by exerting your difference, even a little, you are not agreeing with them.  You are saying you don't fit in their boxes and that challenges their simplistic world view.  It makes them insecure at a very subconscious level.  They are trying to crush you because you are an outlier.

This is how I dealt with it.  Early in my coming out, when people tried to crush me, I was... literally crushed.  I cried my eyes out.  Some times it took weeks and quarts of tears, sometimes it took months and buckets of tears to work through the pain they inflicted.  I doubted myself and my identity.  Sometimes, when I thought I was over it, it came back and haunted me weeks, days or months later.  I learned that I could become bitter and just have an "F-you all" attitude (which isn't very attractive to friend or foe) or I could forgive them and try to move on.  My faith encouraged me to forgive and somehow, with lots of practice, I was able to really do it.  And then I'd be crushed again ...and again ...and again but each time I'd recover and each time I'd be a little stronger and recover a little faster.  And my defenses would be a little better with each new assault and each little variance of a familiar assault.  I would enlarge and fortify the bubble around myself each time I survived another crushing.  And I would have a little more confidence in who I am each time someone tried to crush me.  I'm pretty strong and confident and secure in my identity now - not much gets to me anymore but it's taken literally years of "self" exercise and repeated crushings to get to this point.  Through it all, I learned that some people will forever try to crush me and for them, I have to remind myself that, "I may be too much for some people; they are not my people".  YOU may be too much for some people; they are not YOUR people!

I'd be remiss if I failed to mention that I have a very supportive wife, children and friends who held me up more times than I can count.  YOU need support.  I also found a counselor with a similar faith that helped me and my wife learn to be there for each other and gently helped both of us exercise forgiveness.  I think I know what you are feeling although I've only been referred to as an "it" once and it kinda just glanced off me.  You are not an "it"!  You are an EXTRAordinary, unique and beautiful creation - don't ever forget that!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

7 hours ago, LavaPrincess said:

Like I want to know how you girls and guys were able to get over this :+(

I haven't. I choose to ignore it. I mean you can tell these people that transgender people have existed in other cultures for centuries , or you can go the medical route and tell them that people are born with chromosomal abnormalities all the time, as well as intersex people, but chances are they don't want to hear it and nothing will ever change their mind. Their mind is already made up and there's nothing you can do that is going to change them.

So just avoid these people as much as you can. They're bullies.

[LavaPrincess]

not that many supportive people where I am at :/ 

Trying to even get in a relationship has been my biggest issue 

[MarcieMarie12]

Me, I would just tell them to go back to thinking the earth is flat, the sun revolves around the earth, and that the 4 base elements are earth, wind, air and fire. Laugh/gigle and walk away. But Liz's response is more appropriate.

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi LavaPrincess,

People can be tough to deal with sometimes. I went to school in the '70s and early '80s in a conservative area. Back then, people considered trans people gay, and at that time, that was the worst thing you could be around here. In Junior High I ran a daily gauntlet of ridicule, insults, mockery, bullying, teasing, humiliating, shoving, hitting, tripping, etc, etc, etc...  I would go home at night and cry. 

But even in this slow to evolve conservative backwater I still live in, change has come. In the early '80s, if someone was seen as a man dressed as a woman walking down the street, they could expect to get a hefty dose of ridicule and mirth at there expence. Now I've seen obviously trans people walking down the street completely left alone. Although I still don't go out in public dressed completely as myself, I do give a number of clues, some of them quite overt. Although I occasionally get a look, nobody bothers to say anything mean. Well, almost bobody. The one who did, I simply igbored. Usually they take it right in stride.

 

My point here is that it does and will get better. It's slow, it's painful. But change is coming. You will graduate one day and be away from that crowd. You will find other jobs. And society itself will continue to change. There is hope for the future!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?????

[VickySGV]

Looking at the state that you live in, I am not surprised by the behavior they are sending your way.  Florida does have its places where Trans* folk are going to be accepted at best and at the other end ignored without nasty responses. (I have been in Ft. Lauderdale a time or two as me.)  People have learned to be very simple in their thinking of life, and they are not forced to really look at the fact that life is more complicated, especially at your age, and being in High School. 

You do have one notable Trans* teen down in the Miami area. but even her parents who are very supportive have often been reported for child abuse.  People think that letting a child express themselves and just live each day as their true self is a sign of child abuse.  The child is Jazz Jennings who is a person who could and would be a wonderful friend to you.  Jazz will be 17 this coming fall so, she is probably not much younger than you are.  She did have her own Television program which could give you some tips on things there.  I have met Jazz and her family a time or two,

I do not have any real advice on what to tell your "two genders only" people, especially at your age,  They are not going to do any more thinking than a swamp alligator who is thrown a dead chicken.  Don't even bother trying to work on them, but instead do some looking around to see if there are other places to work or even just be yourself where you are safe. 

[Ravin]

Look for safe spaces and allies, find your bubble. When you do, the occasional incursions from outside that bubble aren't nearly as painful because you know you have some insulation.

 

[LavaPrincess]

I'm not currently living in Florida... I'm in a super religious state and a bunch of red necks :/ I do watch the show being jazz I like that show alot. I also try and find allies its hard but hey. Its a living battle I just find it so difficult..

[Rachael]

Sorry to hear of yout troubles. That being said I do not know if this helps. Presonal experience tells me. 

People hear what they want to hear. 

People see what they want to see. 

People believe what they want to believe. 

As already stated its best to let it go. Kill them with kindness as the saying goes. It's not easy to let it go but if you can then you will be the better person. 

[LavaPrincess]

Killing them with kindness does not always work saddly. But people do see what they wanna see and hear what they wanna here

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Lava Princess,

I grew up back in the sixties, and seventies, not good times to grow up trans.  I think many of those redneck areas of the country are still living with fifties mindset.  At this moment, I will have to admit that I am personally afraid to go into those areas of the country.  Too many of those folks are closed minded, and the others are kept in line by peer pressure and fear of joining the ranks of being hated.  Kinda dangerous place to be.  It is a good idea to leave after graduation, I wish you luck and safety until then.  Where are you going to relocate, have you decided?  I personally like the acceptance of Northern California which is a major reason why I moved here from the East coast.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Charlize]

As a child of the 60's i found i simply had to hide and do my best to change myself.  Perhaps it was weakness but i was afraid as well as ashamed of who and what i was.  Things are changing and the internet has been a great help for many. Simply being able to make contact with others who feel as i do has made transition and acceptance possible.  Please stay safe and when the opportunity comes you will be able to flower.  Until then at least you know who you are and that is a bigger accomplishment than you might know.

Folks have their own ideas and we can't change them so accepting that and finding peace in ourselves is maybe the best we can do.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[DenimAndLace]

14 hours ago, LavaPrincess said:

Killing them with kindness does not always work saddly. But people do see what they wanna see and hear what they wanna here

You're right!  Cliches usually contain some truth but they aren't as universal as we sometimes believe them to be.  This is also a cliche with some truth in it:

DON'T kill them with kindness because not everyone deserves your kindness.  Instead, kill them with your silence because not everyone deserves your attention.

I understand you're not trying to win the bullies over, you're just trying to survive. In other situations when you ARE trying to win people, realize that at some point you have to give up for your own well being.